[Precious7]

Hello, I have been married since 4yrs. I know my hubby loves me but, I am little sad that he don't express those feelings, and sometimes he behave really mean and selfish, especially when he is mad at me. He just don't let go of the things, as I do when he does some mistakes. I mean, I have been forgiving him for so many things which are really big deal for me. But he never does that with me. Moreover, he also use harsh words for me which just cuts m inside like for eg- worthless, fool, why I married this woman etc. Even though he asked me forgiveness for same harsh words but he repeats it again when he gets mad at me.
He has some anger problems and he knows that too. I don't have any elder or even friend to talk about it.

My hubby is very good and educated person but I don't know why he behaves like this. Whenever he feels like talking with me I listen to him, but when I want to have conversation, he either say he is busy or he will just listen half, with no interest or feedback. I know there is a difference between man and women, in thinking, understanding and different love languages. But he doesn't even take initiate, he himself say sometimes that I am not able to understand you. But he doesn't even try to understand me. I know he gets really busy sometimes. But I just go crying for like more than an hour sometimes whole day. But his heart never moves. He just ignores me as if I am invisible. Its just breaking heart.

I don't want to leave him. But I don't want to live my life like this. I am just going through emotional and mental trauma. Please help me.

[Alty]

If he won't listen to your concerns, and work with you to fix your marriage, you're already losing this battle.

Have you considered marriage counseling? I would look into it.

It's not all about him, but it seems he doesn't realize that. He won't listen to your concerns, he doesn't care that you're upset. That's not a good sign.

Marriage is a compromise. There are no two people on this earth that will agree on everything. When two people marry, they take the good with the bad. They compromise, they talk to each other about their differences, and they find a middle ground. If you can't talk to each other, it's a lost cause. Communication is the most important aspect of marriage.

Based on your post you seem ready to talk to him, but he refuses to talk to you about your issues. If he won't confront the issues you have, he's dooming the marriage.

Counseling is a very good start in fixing this, if it can be fixed.

Sorry that you're in this predicament. Sadly, it's the main reason why divorce happens. It's a failure to communicate.

[krissyg2991]

Honey, it doesn't have to be physical to be abuse. Calling you worthless and trying to degrade you is never OK. It's emotional abuse and in a lot of ways it's just as bad, if not worse, than physical abuse. There is a difference in love languages, but what you're describing doesn't sound like affectionate behavior. I know my man sometimes clams up when I'm upset and I feel like he's ignoring me or doesn't care, but in actuality I don't think he knows how to handle it. I would try to talk him. Set aside some time. Start by summarizing-what you need to talk about and why. If this doesn't work, I have never left a couple's counseling session feeling like I wasted my time. It might be worth a shot and sometimes an outside perspective really helps clear some things up.

Most importantly, let him know that him saying those things hurts. Sometimes people get so caught up in their own lives, they don't realize the damaging effect their words can have. Tell him how it makes you feel and don't take it anymore. You're worth more than that.

10 Signs You May Be in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship -

[talaniman]

Friends, kids, work, career? What are the positive things in your life?