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devon27 · May 2, 2014, 02:17 AM

Me and my girlfriend broke up for 2 weeks, I called her back and we talked about what we've been doing, she said exactly "me and this 23 year old ed the out of eachother" she is 17, we talked and she said she did have sex with him, but only because she thought I was sleeping with other girls. She told me he was ugly, small, and the sex wasn't good, we're back together but I can't get it out of my head, when I bring it up to her, I ask if she meant it when he was small, ugly, and the sex was bad but she cries and says she don't want to talk about it. Yes, she answerd them before but is she saying that truthfully or to make me feel good?

EastCoastGal · May 2, 2014, 02:20 AM

Does she usually tell the truth?

devon27 · May 2, 2014, 02:27 AM

She use to lie about small things, but we've dated for a year and a half and she's open'd up a lot more but we just got back together and I know she really wants me back but I told her if he was bigger, better or cuter that it wouldn't change anything and she responded " no i promise you, and put it on yours and my family that you are better in everything" but she can still be lying?

Fr_Chuck · May 2, 2014, 02:59 AM

You stop asking, if you keep asking her, you will just break up again. Stop being obsessed.

So she had sex. Does it matter if he was bad or good sex. It was sex. He may have been build, and big and had the largest penis she ever had, and it lasted all night.

That is between her and that guy. And NONE of your business. She did not even have to tell you she had sex. ( and maybe she did not, only told you to hurt you a little? )

So you either accept her back and stop asking about the sex. Or just break up, since you will push her away like this.

devon27 · May 2, 2014, 03:35 AM

me and my girl ( angel ) dated for a year and a half, then we broke up over a non-reasonable reason. I called her over the weekend which was 4 weeks after our break up, I asked her if she wanted to be friends and we talkd, we started talking about a party she went to, she got drunk and had sex with a 23 year old, she is 17, but she says she remembers everything. I asked her if she enjoyed it, if he was smaller then me, if the sex was good etc.. She replies " he was ugly, smaller then you and i didn' enjoy the sex, i promise you, i put that on yours and my family." I kept asking her those same questions over and over again, I can't believe it, considering he's 23 and I'm 16, I guess it can be true but maybe I'm over-reacting over the situation, we got back together tonight and I asked her the questions again and she cried, she told me she didn't want to talk about it and it was a mistake... I guess my question is if I should believe and of what she said was true ^... I told her if he was better, cuter, or bigger that it wouldn't change anything with us getting back together but she stuck with the same answer "no i promise" the situation bothers me, I mean... she slept with another guy, I just don't know if I should believe what she said was true and she didn't like it period and regrets it or if she's saying that just to make me happy, after I told her it wouldn't change anything.

devon27 · May 2, 2014, 03:39 AM

But the fact of the matter is, she had sex with another guy, and yes I've thought about her lying for jealousy but her cousins were with her and they approved so, it just bothers me that the action happened, and if I could ask her anythign specific to maybe open up ( if she's not lying ) that way I'm more comfortable and don't ask anymore questions?

joypulv · May 2, 2014, 03:45 AM

You are clearly too immature to even have a girlfriend.
RULE: You break up with someone, that's IT. You have no rights whatsoever to even KNOW what goes on during a breakup. A breakup is not 'time off to think!' If you can't handle what goes on during that time, then be alone for a few more years and learn some life lessons.
You are badgering her mercilessly for your own ego. You don't care about her feelings one bit. You think you care because you are so jealous, but that jealousy is just a selfish poison. She's going to dump you when she gets over her shame over getting drunk and having casual rebound sex. She should.
FORCE yourself to get over it. It might be the first actual act of courage and manhood in your life.

devon27 · May 2, 2014, 03:48 AM

How do you force a thing like that? It's not exactly something easy I can just forget about.

joypulv · May 2, 2014, 04:23 AM

We all force ourselves to act as though we are not bothered by things every single day - a child throws something at you, an old lady gets ahead of you in line, your FORMER girlfriend sleeps with someone else. It's called self control. We do it because we have to (a mean boss at work, a cop wanting to see your ID) and because it has a consequence that is GOOD FOR YOU. You want this girl or not? You suffer in silence until the jealous poison is gone. If you can't do that, you can't have the relationship, plain and simple. Your choice.

Adulthood is about taking responsibility for your actions. You broke up - that means you were both FREE to do whatever you wanted. You can't backtrack. You can't undo it. What she did is done. Accept the consequences of YOUR actions. YOU were half of the breakup. When all this hits home, welcome to adulthood.

smoothy · May 2, 2014, 04:52 AM

I agree with joypulv and Fr_chuck, its really not any of your business who she slept with... if you were married it would be... but you aren't.

You either let it go... or let her go and move on... acting like a posessive and jealous 16 year old is neither productive or endearing... you weren't even dating each other at the time...

As was mentioned... maturity is doing the right thing, when it's the right thing... and swallowing your pride and personal opinions on the issue at hand, those two things cause most of the problems you have had or will have. You will be doing it the rest of your life, so its time you learned to start doing it. Since it doesn't count if its obvious to everyone around you that you are doing it... get to work learning have to do it. Its one of the most valuable life skills you will have to learn if you want to advance in the workplace and in life.

devon27 · May 2, 2014, 04:56 AM

I appreciate the thought and understanding from you two, now that I think of it, it's not a big deal because we were single and yes, it was none of my business, I have a new thought on the situation and I feel quite better. Thank you!

smoothy · May 2, 2014, 05:10 AM

Eventually... you will all but forget about it once enough time has passed... its only tough when its still fresh.

Oliver2011 · May 2, 2014, 05:24 AM

Amen to everything you wrote.

Originally Posted by joypulv

You are clearly too immature to even have a girlfriend.
RULE: You break up with someone, that's IT. You have no rights whatsoever to even KNOW what goes on during a breakup. A breakup is not 'time off to think!' If you can't handle what goes on during that time, then be alone for a few more years and learn some life lessons.
You are badgering her mercilessly for your own ego. You don't care about her feelings one bit. You think you care because you are so jealous, but that jealousy is just a selfish poison. She's going to dump you when she gets over her shame over getting drunk and having casual rebound sex. She should.
FORCE yourself to get over it. It might be the first actual act of courage and manhood in your life.