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miss1989 · May 1, 2014, 11:31 PM

Hey guys and gals

Just need some insight if anyone's been in this situation before. My boyfriend has a younger brother who is 22 and my concern is he wants the three of us to live together. I don't want to but because they don't really have family here I'm fine for him to live with us for a little while until he gets back on his feet but the problem is, his little brother is a rat bag a man whore and hangs around weirdos and has no respect for anyone or anything he will sit on my furniture with shoes on burp and fart and invites his mates over or just comes over already with friends and my BF won't tell him off and I can't say anything because then his little brother has a hissy fit and tells my BF that I'm trying to break my BFs brother relationship. I've raised my concern with my boyfriend about this and he said longest would be 2years!! I said I want to start a family get married not be living with your little brother for ever because it feel that's what will happen... his little brother has three jobs! But still manages not to be able to save a cent and mooches off my boyfriend and I and that's what frustrates me... because if he moves in he will mooch off us and never move out he won't pay for groceries or help pay for bills because he will always cry poor... and I know my boyfriend he won't kick his little brother out or us move out and leave him as my BF will feel bad. My BF keeps reassuring me it won't be like that and he knows I don't want to move in with his brother but he can't just not help his brother. So what is your advice? Please don't say break up because that's not an option I just need help explaining to my partner or showing him it won't work us all living together. I told my BF I don't feel comfortable sharing a house with anyone but him I can't do what I want and I feel obliged to keep other people entertained.

joypulv · May 2, 2014, 12:04 AM

"Please don't say break up because that's not an option I just need help explaining to my partner or showing him it won't work us all living together."

Gee, you don't want much from us, do you? If you pay half the expenses, then you have the right to limit long term guests and their activities. You have spoken your mind, and further explaining is just dragging out an argument. It probably isn't about you 'explaining' any more anyway - he has his reasons for liking his brother around, and even his brother's friends. Maybe he isn't as comfortable settling down with one person and starting a family as you think. I don't know, not being there. Most decisions we make have little to do with what we see on the surface. That's why your explanations are falling on deaf ears.

So once your present your side, and you have, your options are to stay with him and what he wants or move into your own place. I suppose you could turn into a shrew until he leaves you. I'd get my own place, despite the expense.

Fr_Chuck · May 2, 2014, 03:18 AM

Just say no. tell him, brother comes in, you go. Two years will be hell. And 2 years willl be 4 or 5.

If you can not tell the truth, and worry about what brother will say, that is no life and not YOUR home.

smoothy · May 2, 2014, 05:07 AM

Gee... don't like his family much do you?

I see nothing but problems in your relationship if you can't show as much respect towrds his family as you expect him to show towards yours.

I'm sure he could find things to pick out about your family to complain about... we all have our quirks , some of which others might find irritating in some way. None of us are perfect.

I'm not defending his brothers behaviours but having seen situations like this before... and having been in one myself... I wonder how much of this has ben embelished because of your deep dislike for him.

Try and drive a wedge between someone and their family... expect things to end badly. And you really don't want to be with anyone who will turn their back on their own family to please you, because it would be far easier for them to turn their back on you in the future. If you see the point I'm making.

THere is nothing at all wrong with agreeing to certain house rules in advance however... what the share of utilities are, share of the food, any other expenses, house keeping... etc... etc. And probibly IS best to agree with what everyone's part is expected to be rather than just assume.

Cat1864 · May 2, 2014, 06:24 AM

I am going to be blunt. I have read ALL of your other threads.

You and your boyfriend need to learn how to live together and communicate. You need to iron out the issues in your relationship. Everything from sex to trust issues. Before adding another person to your household, brother, sister, mother, father, or child.

It definitely looks like there is something going on that either you don't know or are ignoring. Sit down and talk with him. Listen to him explain his thoughts and calmly explain yours. Find the common ground to build on. Work together instead of backing into corners and defending your own positions while trying to override the other person.

If he insists on his brother moving in no matter what you say (if your objections are reasonable), then you may want to think about giving up on this relationship. Sometimes loving someone isn't enough. There has to be firm foundation for a lifetime commitment and the foundation on this relationship seems to be eroding.

dontknownuthin · May 5, 2014, 03:53 PM

Just say, "I don't feel I can live comfortably with your brother, and while you and I are still getting to know each other and figuring out our future, I don't want any roommates other than you". Then stop the childish name calling and disparaging remarks. If you don't like his manners you can simply say he has poor manners and you find him immature. Clearly, he thinks he is funny - his friends probably do too. It's just immaturity.