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    fell apart 101's Avatar
    fell apart 101 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Apr 29, 2014, 11:25 AM
    Can I regain my ex girl friends trust?
    I behaved like a complete fool after my relationship break up. I text my ex every day for 5 weeks. In the end I got into trouble for harassing her. There was no threats or violence or abuse, just that I fell apart and tried to figure out what I could do to get her back.
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
    Entomology Expert
     
    #2

    Apr 29, 2014, 11:33 AM
    What trust did you break? Your question title mentions trust yet your actual question points to break down and harassment.

    Essentially, if she told you it's over and she is done with you, then what's left? Pick up the pieces, grab some dignity, and move forward with your life while leaving her behind as a memory.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Apr 29, 2014, 11:35 AM
    Needy, harrassing, obsessive, and stalking type behaviors are never attractive. If I was her, I wouldn't take you back. You showed your true colors and she made the call to not see you. The best thing you can do is leave her alone and learn from this for your next relationship.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,490, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member
     
    #4

    Apr 29, 2014, 11:38 AM
    SHe's an ex for a reason... leave her alone and move on.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #5

    Apr 29, 2014, 12:13 PM
    Learn from your mistakes and do better while you leave her alone. If she misses you and changes her mind you can be better with her, but honestly, don't hold your breath waiting for that to happen.


    carolmonroe38's Avatar
    carolmonroe38 Posts: 53, Reputation: 8
    Junior Member
     
    #6

    Apr 29, 2014, 01:09 PM
    Some of us have temporary insanity after a breakup. One of my ex-bfs made sure I would walk in on him having sex with another girl after I broke up with him a week before.

    As for your ex-gf, she might have moved on. So should you. Sorry and good luck.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #7

    Apr 29, 2014, 01:32 PM
    I assume the relationship has been over for some time, and that for some significant time after the end of the relationship, you ended up harassing her to a point where some intervention was necessary. Probably the police.

    I'm not so sure that without a little help, that you wouldn't repeat this behavior with the next girlfriend. After all, you didn't stop yourself with the last one, from knowing when no means no.

    Consider counseling as a way to try to deal with the reasons behind your behavior, in order to know that what you did was wrong, and cannot be undone. Most important, learn what you need to know to understand how to deal with this kind of disappointment, in the future.
    fell apart 101's Avatar
    fell apart 101 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #8

    Apr 30, 2014, 01:50 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by odinn7 View Post
    What trust did you break? Your question title mentions trust yet your actual question points to break down and harassment.

    Essentially, if she told you it's over and she is done with you, then what's left? Pick up the pieces, grab some dignity, and move forward with your life while leaving her behind as a memory.

    Hi she said that the trust was broken because I couldn't be open emtionaly with her.I had suffered abuse as a child which caused me to put up a wall when it came to emtionaly attachements,I got the courage up and told her about my child hood in thinking that she would understand.But after telling her,that's when the relationship started to fall apart and she said the couldn't trust me to be open and honest..
    fell apart 101's Avatar
    fell apart 101 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #9

    Apr 30, 2014, 01:57 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jake2008 View Post
    I assume the relationship has been over for some time, and that for some significant time after the end of the relationship, you ended up harassing her to a point where some intervention was necessary. Probably the police.

    I'm not so sure that without a little help, that you wouldn't repeat this behavior with the next girlfriend. After all, you didn't stop yourself with the last one, from knowing when no means no.

    Consider counseling as a way to try to deal with the reasons behind your behavior, in order to know that what you did was wrong, and cannot be undone. Most important, learn what you need to know to understand how to deal with this kind of disappointment, in the future.

    Hi I'm seeing a councelor about what happened it would seem that I had an inability to detach because I have had so much loss in my life I found it difficult to just let go.There was no violence or abuse or threats or stalking.I just text her everyday for 4weeks basically just asking if there was anything that I could have done to save the relationship.But ye in the end I bahved like a complete fool and as a result was done for harassment,Iam getting myself back together and slowly moving on..the relationship ended 2 months ago.
    Jiser's Avatar
    Jiser Posts: 1,266, Reputation: 281
    Ultra Member
     
    #10

    May 1, 2014, 02:07 PM
    Hey man. Yeh it really sucks. It's happened to move every time I go through a breakup. Guess what a year or so later? I am glad my ex's dumped me. We weren't right for each other.

    It's good your getting counselling.

    The best thing you can do? No contact and get BUSY! Fast!

    If she ever wants you back she will come back. What are the chances? Nobody knows apart from her.

    What am I planning to do after my breakup?

    1) Plan a big trip away
    2) Sort out my career
    3) Start studying towards more certificates at work
    4) Get a personal trainer - although I have the capabilities it may help push me through the depression and force me to restart my gym training
    5) Start seeing friends more
    6) Taking up old hobbies
    7) Restarting yoga
    8) Get a new job
    9) Volunteer with a volunteer line (the Samaritans based in the uk if I get accepted)
    10) Sign up for some adult education courses
    11) See some old ex's and old dates who will be able to provide much needed female company
    12) I am going to try and get a part time job in the evenings or weekends to take my mind off the breakup. Hopefully with chances to meet more women and to make a little bit extra money to put aside for the future (to pay of my annoying mortgage).
    13) See old friends around the country on weekends or short trips away

    I predict I will be feeling better by month 4. Over it? It will take me at least 6 months or so before I feel completely moved on but that won't stop me from dating or seeing other women. Good luck I advise you follow some of the above my friend.
    fell apart 101's Avatar
    fell apart 101 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #11

    May 2, 2014, 07:02 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jiser View Post
    Hey man. Yeh it really sucks. It's happened to move every time I go through a breakup. Guess what a year or so later? I am glad my ex's dumped me. We weren't right for each other.

    It's good your getting counselling.

    The best thing you can do? No contact and get BUSY! Fast!

    If she ever wants you back she will come back. What are the chances? Nobody knows apart from her.

    What am I planning to do after my breakup?

    1) Plan a big trip away
    2) Sort out my career
    3) Start studying towards more certificates at work
    4) Get a personal trainer - although I have the capabilities it may help push me through the depression and force me to restart my gym training
    5) Start seeing friends more
    6) Taking up old hobbies
    7) Restarting yoga
    8) Get a new job
    9) Volunteer with a volunteer line (the Samaritans based in the uk if I get accepted)
    10) Sign up for some adult education courses
    11) See some old ex's and old dates who will be able to provide much needed female company
    12) I am going to try and get a part time job in the evenings or weekends to take my mind off the breakup. Hopefully with chances to meet more women and to make a little bit extra money to put aside for the future (to pay of my annoying mortgage).
    13) See old friends around the country on weekends or short trips away

    I predict I will be feeling better by month 4. Over it? It will take me at least 6 months or so before I feel completely moved on but that won't stop me from dating or seeing other women. Good luck I advise you follow some of the above my friend.
    Thank you I'm already starting some of your suggestions going back to school looking for part time work as I had to give up my job due to the depression.thank you

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