[Wondergirl]

I just need some quiet to think it all through

How about this idea? -- you're a good writer and want to think all this through. Every evening, list in a notebook or in a Word file five things that pleased you and made you feel good during the day. They could be small things, like answering a question correctly in history class or enjoying a favorite dessert OR they could be bigger things ... or things in between. This will push your brain to think through more things going on in your life.

[smoothy]

I just don't want to talk!! This is my decision you might think it's the wrong one but its not. Nothing can be fixed if I don't speak nothing will get broken. It's easy I need quiet she needs move on leave me alone

And that is exactly WHY she doesn't... Its not normal for one thing... for another its being very disrespectful to her. This little thing about family hierarchy.. and the parents being in charge and all.

There is this other unfortunate reality of life... ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away... it causes it to fester. 99.99% of the time the worst thing you can do about a problem is ignore it. It usually takes someone until their late 20's to understand this, and why. A few adults never learn it.

[Homegirl 50]

I just don't want to talk!! This is my decision you might think it's the wrong one but its not. Nothing can be fixed if I don't speak nothing will get broken. It's easy I need quiet she needs move on leave me alone

Your mother is not going to "be move on and leave you alone" That is not what moms do. They care about their kids, what's going on in their life.
You need some counseling, perhaps with your mom as well. It's obvious you have some issues (although I think mostly is teenage angst) but you also need to learn to respect your mom and some manners. You don't live in a house with people and not talk to them, it's rude.

[Noone2014]

And that is exactly WHY she doesn't... Its not normal for one thing... for another its being very disrespectful to her. This little thing about family hierarchy.. and the parents being in charge and all.

There is this other unfortunate reality of life... ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away... it causes it to fester. 99.99% of the time the worst thing you can do about a problem is ignore it. It usually takes someone until their late 20's to understand this, and why. A few adults never learn it.

I'm not trying to be disrespectful I'm not, not talking because I want to hurt them Im doing this for them and me, they just don't see it but how could they I guess they will never understand. My parents might be in charge but they can't control my body. I'm not ignoring my problem, I am a dealing with it but its not that easy why I need her to stop. I thought by now she would give up

[Homegirl 50]

Your age is really showing here.
Parents don't just give up on their kids. You are not dealing with your problems because you don't know how. What you are doing to your family is just rude. You think you know the best way but you don't, you have no clue.

[smoothy]

I'm not trying to be disrespectful I'm not talking because I want to hurt them Im doing this for them and me, they just don't see it but how could they I guess they will never understand. My parents might be in charge but they can't control my body. I'm not ignoring my problem, I am a dealing with it but its not that easy why I need her to stop. I thought by now she would give up

I understand you might not be trying to be... but the appearance of it is there. And all it has to do is appear that way to her.

Being quiet and keeping it to yourself is not dealing with it. You don't have the experience or the skillset to deal with it. The proof is you don't "get" why she doesn't give up. Your behaviour is raising all kinds of flags that you are up to something... including things you might not actually be doing right now.

Your behaviour is WHY she isn't giving up... and in fact... its a pretty good indication that she is acting like a good parent. And that she really does care.

People who care don't let people wallow in their misery and do whatever they want particularly when its self destructive. And what you are doing is self destructive... but you can't see that because you lack the objectivity that we have.

It takes an incredible amount of apathy to sit back.. and let someone do things self destructive when its clear its happening.

At least you aren't surrounded by people like that... and one day you will understand how lucky your to have them.

[Noone2014]

Your mother is not going to "be move on and leave you alone" That is not what moms do. They care about their kids, what's going on in their life.
You need some counseling, perhaps with your mom as well. It's obvious you have some issues (although I think mostly is teenage angst) but you also need to learn to respect your mom and some manners. You don't live in a house with people and not talk to them, it's rude.

I'm rude disrespectful and have no manners wow. I hope that's the way my mum looks at it I hope she thinks I'm just being a little brat I hope she's angry I hope she loses patients and gives up. I hope she can't wait for me to leave good I'd rather her, I want her to think that. Then she might stop. I'm just trying to not hurt anyone but it seems that no matter what path I choose its going to happen I just get to chose how much I hurt them and this is the better way

[Homegirl 50]

What is your problem, what problem is it you're trying to fix by not talking to your mom? Why are you trying to make your mom angry with you?
And yes, when you live I a house with people, people who are taking care of you and you don't talk to them, that is rude.
Why do you not talk to your siblings.

[odinn7]

From what I've read...you sound like my daughters friend....She's a whiny kid that nothing goes right for, everyone hates her, blah-blah-blah....

You won't talk to your mother and you want her to leave you alone but you don't get that not talking is one of the things that's making her like this towards you. Then you complain that she accuses you of doing drugs but you do...so they aren't false accusations. Then you claim you don't want to hurt anyone but the simple fact that you won't communicate is hurting your mother.

Yes, yes...your life is sooo difficult. Right, I get it. At 15, you have the answers, the adults know nothing. You want to move out where life will be awesome!

You are in for a rude awakening when you actually hit the real world.

[Noone2014]

I understand you might not be trying to be... but the appearance of it is there. And all it has to do is appear that way to her.

Being quiet and keeping it to yourself is not dealing with it. You don't have the experience or the skillset to deal with it. The proof is you don't "get" why she doesn't give up. Your behaviour is raising all kinds of flags that you are up to something... including things you might not actually be doing right now.

Your behaviour is WHY she isn't giving up... and in fact... its a pretty good indication that she is acting like a good parent. And that she really does care.

People who care don't let people wallow in their misery and do whatever they want particularly when its self destructive. And what you are doing is self destructive... but you can't see that because you lack the objectivity that we have.

It takes an incredible amount of apathy to sit back.. and let someone do things self destructive when its clear its happening.

At least you aren't surrounded by people's like that... and one day you will understand how lucky your to have them.

I'm so confused I don't know what to do I should have never wrote this question, I don't know. It's lose lose. I'm so angry at myself I should have just said nothing. Talk about messing with my head

[smoothy]

I'm so confused I don't know what to do I should have never wrote this question, I don't know. It's lose lose. I'm so angry at myself I should have just said nothing. Talk about messing with my head

So? You aren't the first 15 year old to be wrong about something... and you won't be the last. Parents are there to stop you from doing stupid things... or as least doing them as often. I'm a few more years you will be able to look back and see what we are trying to tell you... and why your mother is doing what she does.

Assuming you don't fall in with the drug users and end up living to get your next fix until you get a hot one and your life ends rather abruptly.

Kids that act in this manner. Are seriously at risk of doing exactly that. Its not just about yesterday or even today... but tomorrow as well.

Most teenagers think they have all the answers to everything.....they all find out how wrong they were when they first move out and have to support themselves .....meaning paying rent, food, utilities and everything. Working part time and living at home with mom...is nothing like life in the real world as an adult. You have it easy as a teen....life as an adult is very unforgiving. You do what you have to do..even when your don't want to do it.

Don't and you get fired....do that enough and nobody will hire you...without an income you don't have a place to live..or food to eat...and you are sitting on the street begging for money....and at risk for some serious abuse....I don't know or haven't noticed if yuo and a boy or girl.....but homeless on the streets as a girl puts you at serious risk of abuse, as a young person of either gender....that includes rape.

Want stress?.....worry about being one step away from being jobless and homeless as an adult. Compared to that a 15 years olds problems are nothing. And you will think this as well in a few years. If you aren't being sexually abused or physically beaten....then the problems are really unimportant. There are lots of kids of all ages that those are a fact of life.

Perspective can be a usefull tool to keep you grounded in whats important and what isn't at any age.

[Noone2014]

From what I've read...you sound like my daughters friend....She's a whiny kid that nothing goes right for, everyone hates her, blah-blah-blah....

You won't talk to your mother and you want her to leave you alone but you don't get that not talking is one of the things that's making her like this towards you. Then you complain that she accuses you of doing drugs but you do...so they aren't false accusations. Then you claim you don't want to hurt anyone but the simple fact that you won't communicate is hurting your mother.

Yes, yes...your life is sooo difficult. Right, I get it. At 15, you have the answers, the adults know nothing. You want to move out where life will be awesome!

You are in for a rude awakening when you actually hit the real world.

You don't know me you think I don't know what the world is like you would be surprised how much you hear and see when you stop when people forget your around. I don't usually wine or complain I don't talk! I came here for advise because I couldn't handle it any more to vent I suppose. I don't have all the answers if I did I wouldn't have came to this sight why is everyone so quick to judge me?

[Noone2014]

So? You aren't the first 15 year old to be wrong about something... and you won't be the last. Parents are there to stop you from doing stupid things... or as least doing them as often. I'm a few more years you will be able to look back and see what we are trying to tell you... and why your mother is doing what she does.

Assuming you don't fall in with the drug users and end up living to get your next fix until you get a hot one and your life ends rather abruptly.

Kids that act in this manner. Are seriously at risk of doing exactly that. Its not just about yesterday or even today... but tomorrow as well.

Most teenagers think they have all the answers to everything.....they all find out how wrong they were when they first move out and have to support themselves .....meaning paying rent, food, utilities and everything. Working part time and living at home with mom...is nothing like life in the real world as an adult.

I'm not a drug user I was in pain so I took more pills that I should have it felt good wanted to know if it could harm me was curious that is all I don't even smoke I don't drink anymore nothing I've learnt what happens when u do stuff that you shouldn't just was curious made me feel a little numb for a while. I hear what my mother goes through being an adult I know the real world is hard that's why I don't burden her with my stuff

[Cat1864]

I'm so confused I don't know what to do I should have never wrote this question, I don't know. It's lose lose. I'm so angry at myself I should have just said nothing. Talk about messing with my head

You wrote the question because you need help. It's why anyone asks for our advice. Just sometimes they aren't ready for the responses and they lash out. Most stop and think and listen. It may take a few days or weeks or months. But they do and we are still here for them.

You see this as a 'lose/lose' situation and it isn't. You have the ability to turn it into a winning one. Sure things might be rougher for a while but the path isn't very smooth right now, is it?

Look at how your thoughts, as expressed to us, have already changed. You started off telling us you "hate" your mother. Now, you tell us you are trying to protect her and yourself. Here's the thing, it is her job to protect you whether you like it or not. It is not your job to protect her. She cannot help you or give you support if you shut her out.

If you don't know how to open up to her and let her try to help, you might think about letting her read this thread. Sure she might get upset, but she probably already thinks there is a lot worse going on.

I don't know what all is going through your mind, but most of us have been there, done that and have the t-shirt, hat and bag to prove it. You may not be ready for this thought, but your mother probably has too. Give her a chance to help.

[smoothy]

I'm not a drug user I was in pain so I took more pills that I should have it felt good wanted to know if it could harm me was curious that is all I don't even smoke I don't drink anymore nothing I've learnt what happens when u do stuff that you shouldn't just was curious made me feel a little numb for a while. I hear what my mother goes through being an adult I know the real world is hard that's why I don't burden her with my stuff

And those are exactly some of the types of things that result in withdrawn behaviour... I'm glad that you say you don't do them... but the fact is as I said... appearance is everything.

So what do you do... you talk to your mom... without your sister around. You could even show her this thread. But you aren't going to "fix this" on your own.

[talaniman]

Nobody is judging you. What did you expect from 6 hours of beetching... I mean venting, about everything and everybody? I mean YOU hate everything. YOU said so... for 6 hours!!

Does your sibling get the same treatment as you? Is she older? How does SHE deal with it?

[Noone2014]

And those are exactly some of the types of things that result in withdrawn behaviour... I'm glad that you say you don't do them... but the fact is as I said... appearance is everything.

So what do you do... you talk to your mom... without your sister around. You could even show her this thread. But you aren't going to "fix this" on your own.

I don't know if I can speak to her, without breaking down or anyone if it was that easy I wouldn't have stopped talking. I haven't spoken in ages and to be honest I don't really want to I'm scared to if I could just act normal I'm such an idiot, I should have just acted normal and she would have never harassed me I get stupid me

[Wondergirl]

I don't know if I can speak to her, without breaking down

And maybe that's okay. I'm guessing she just might break down too, as you two talk heart to heart.

[Homegirl 50]

Speaking to and breaking down with your mom is OK. She loves you and will understand. Give her some credit.

[Noone2014]

Nobody is judging you. What did you expect from 6 hours of beetching... I mean venting, about everything and everybody? I mean YOU hate everything. YOU said so... for 6 hours!!

Does your sibling get the same treatment as you? Is she older? How does SHE deal with it?

Your right I have done nothing but poor me I understand I haven't really thought about everyone around me I'm just as bad as my friends talking behind their backs. I don't hate everyone I guess I'm just angry with myself. I apologise for getting angry when you have just been trying to help. My sister is younger than me her and mum get along great it's not like I didn't get along with them either its just hard to explain