[Babylon15]

So a few months ago I met this guy on Minecraft multiplayer, and we became best friends. He's super sweet, he's around my age (I'm 15 he's 14 turning 15 soon), and he lives 5 hours away! The only problem is that he's black and I'm white... I kind of think he's mixed since he's not that dark though. I'm not racist but my family and most of my friends are... my mom says never to talk to black guys, which I do every day with him. I really like him and I'm pretty sure he likes me too. I'm going to visit where he lives this summer for an annual writing/art contest I attend every year. So basically we might meet each other for the first time. But how am I going to explain my feelings to my parents? Or should I continue to keep everything undercover? Please help me!

[Fr_Chuck]

I seldom say this, but what world do your parents live in. Not talk to black people? Do you know, I have never told a teen to not listen to their parents, but sorry, this time I have to say, they are wrong, and you should have friends of any color you wish.

[Oliver2011]

Your parents developed that view due to some reason which is probably how they were raised and the environment that they lived in. I know, I am from the southern United States where there are many bigots and people that don't tolerate other people regardless of the issue. Having said that it doesn't make it tolerable at all.

"Or should I continue to keep everything undercover?" If you were 18 I would tell you to do what you want. But you aren't 18 and you aren't capable of living on your own yet. So I don't support you doing anything undercover that you can't share with your parents. Nothing good comes from keeping stuff from your parents. I know that puts you in a tough spot. But I think it's awesome you found a friend by the way he is on the inside.

[talaniman]

While I cannot agree with your parents point of view on race, and obviously neither do you, I must caution you strongly against going behind their backs, or undercover using your words. Right or wrong they are your parents and it's a thin line between respectful obedience, and bad behavior that carries consequences for you.

You are 15, please stay within their boundaries, and keep separate your gaming friends, and your rules that are set for you. How? Don't get carried away by those feelings and cross the lines. As you get older you can choose the path you walk, but at 15 be very careful as you enjoy your gaming friends. Only you know how far your parent will go for you to obey their wishes, or punish deceit, and as hard as it is, now is not the time to get them all worked up. Or break the peace in your own home.

Not at 15.

[smoothy]

You are 15... he's 5 hours away... its an online friendship and nothing more... and don't try to pretend it is... neither of you are traveling anywhere for at least another three years... four in his case. And that's an incredibly long time at your ages.

Don't forgo real friendships with local people you actually can see and hang out with for something online where you can't. Your social development is going to suffer severely. Online friends are fine to have...but not in lieu of real friends local to you. And listening to what you write...that sounds exactly like whats happening...you want a fantasy rather than reality.

An online relationship is mostly fantasy. And reality never lives up to the fantasy you create in your mind. Leading to a world class letdown if and when you do actually meet when you find out they aren't all that you dreamed they would be.

[Cat1864]

Being friends is one thing, but I think you are wanting to be more than just friends. "I really like him and I am pretty sure he likes me too." My first caution is that you don't really know each other. Being friends and getting to know each other is one thing, turning it into a romantic relationship is another.

I, too, do not agree with going behind your parents' backs. While I do not agree with their viewpoint, they are the adults and they have their rules. Breaking them would be breaking the trust they put in you and would give them a reason to enforce the rule. They would blame him for their daughter disobeying. That wouldn't be fair to him. If they found out, it would probably result in you losing computer privileges and Minecraft.

I am going to suggest that you be honest with your parents. Ask them to sit down and talk with you about something that is troubling you. On the computer you interact with people from all walks of life. You made a friend and you hope your parents will understand. You don't want to disobey, but request that they give some thought to allowing interaction with other people since it is not something that can be fully controlled. To be able to excel in school and to be productive in the workplace when you are older, you need to be able to communicate with people of different genders and backgrounds. It is an exercise in communication skills. Stay calm and show them that you can be mature. Try not to allow emotions to control your thoughts and words.

Obeying their rules does not mean you cannot respectfully ask for the rules to be reviewed. They may get upset if they think you have been disobeying, so be prepared for them to hit the roof and then calm down. Sometimes showing maturity isn't fun but it is better than temper tantrums, begging, and disobeying.