[Carrot top]

I have joined this site to try to understand why my son hates me. He is 39 years old, and is a State Correction Officer. His father and I divorced when he was about 2 years old. I had custody of my son. We were always until about 18 months ago. This was about 6 months after his wife died. We were taking care of our granddaughter and her half sister for about 9 months prior to this happening, the girls had moved in with us. After his wife died the one girl went with her other grandmother. We talked my son into moving in with us, since he could not handle taking care of a 6 year old at the time. We redid a room for him so he had his own area. Things were okay for about 6 months.

He got involved with a woman that he worked with. They went out a few times in a year, but talked day and night on the phone. He started being irritated all the time. We had a disagreement a year ago before Christmas. It passes, another one around Good Friday (2013) last year. This led to screaming matches, were he was right in your face and threatening to kick your . I told him later that I was not going to live this way, this was not how he was raised. I told him if it continued he was going to have to finds place to live. It happened again around Sept. 2013 and I told him again, this was the last time. The next time he had to find a place to live. We walked on shells trying not to cause him to blow up. We had found out his girlfriend was married and still living at home with her husband and son. She had no intention of leaving her husband. My son had lied to me about her, telling me that she and her husband had been separated for years. So we did not say anything until he started involving my granddaughter with this woman. I told him that I knew she was married and still living at home with her husband. I told him that I was not comfortable with him taking my granddaughter out with them. I was afraid for my granddaughter, if this women's husband found out. I did not want my granddaughter to get hurt. Well this led to another screaming match. I told him this was it, he had a month to find a place to live. I was not living my life or allowing my husband to live in fear anymore. My husband had a heart attack in May a few weeks after one of these screaming matches.

Well on Dec. 23rd, it happened again (he was due to be out around the 1st of the year). For 45 minutes he was like a raving manic, there was no calming him down, he was carrying on like this in front of my granddaughter. The language he was using was not suitable for this little girl to hear. I chased my husband out of the room and told him to call the police. The showed up a few minutes later, my son totally calmed down. His whole demeanor change his was calm and talked very nice to the police. My granddaughter was upset and crying I was trying to calm her down, she told the police officer that she did not want to leave. We were instructed that he was her father and he had every right to take her. And this he did, I have not seen her or heard from her since. I have tried to talk to him, I called his cell phone and sent him emails. He will not respond. He told me on Dec. 23rd, that I would never see her again. I do not know where they are living or if she is okay.

We saw a lawyer before he had moved out and then we started the paper work to take him to court for visitation of my granddaughter. He had promised her that she would visit with us and our dog who is 18 months old. I never had trouble with him when he was growing up. This is a first, my family had trouble believing it until they heard him screaming and cussing at me and them on the phone. If I didn't know better I would swear he was on drugs. His father and his father's family will not talk to me at all. I had called his father a couple of times to tell him what was going on and he was suppose to talk to him. We have had our granddaughter visiting us from the time she was three months old, just about every weekend. Now all of a sudden I am not good enough to see her. Does anyone have any ideas as to why this is happening?

Carrot top.

[talaniman]

I think its best to back off sometimes and give our kids some pace to get their crap together. Sometimes that means not seeing the grand's for a while, and trust me I know how that can be. I would give it some time though before I get involved with court orders and visitations and such.

This problem didn't start in a day a week or a month, nor will it be solved any quicker. Right now I think it makes things worse. Your son has been through and is going through a lot having his family ripped apart by his wife's death, and has adjusted badly and acted worse. While its no excuse and traumatic for you, I think you wait and see, and make adjustments for yourself, and no demands on him. Not now anyway.

You did kick him out, which was hard I am sure but he deserved it.

[Fr_Chuck]

I will not defend his actions, but he need to have a different place to live years ago. He was working and should have been able to afford it.

No matter what, living at home with mom and dad, mom and dad treat you still as a child.

He has issues with an affair with a married women, and as a correctional officer, the things he deals with every day. It is likely he will, see inmates involved in sexual behavior, he will have or could have urine thrown at him. May be attacked at times. He will learn a culture behind the walls, it is "them against us" he will learn that he only trusts the other officers and over time, they become his only friends.

Many officers start having a drinking problem, and if married spouse abuse is higher among officers than almost any other profession.

Yelling and cursing and getting in your face, is most likely how he has learned to get things done at work. Not backing down, inside, you can never back down to an inmate.

*** I spent too many years working in the worst prisons in America, in Illinois, New York and Georgia,