[GraceK61]

I like two brothers although I don't think they like me. I had this huge crush on one of them for 8 years now Our relationship is like on and off we really have connection, we used to tell each other everything and I really really love me. I don't know what he feels about me since I never pursued a relationship with him. All I wanted was his friendship.

Then I met his big bro and one night two years ago we talked and we had fun and he was flirting with me a lot. I think that I was doing it just to pissed off his brother because we were at the same club and he was talking to another girl and years back he had told me that he didn't want me to ever talk to his brother but that was years ago. After all he got pissed that I talked to his brother, I could tell when I said something about his bro another time we talked.

Two years later, now, I'm meeting often with both of them in the place they work and I have a really good relationship with my former "crush". We are starting to become close again, almost like how we were even though we didn't have the chance to talk too much yet. But a few days ago I was about to go out with his brother and two friends (our friends arranged it) and I felt very very excited for it, I felt that I wanted something to happen between us. Something that I never felt for the little bro even though I was in love with him for so many years. We didn't go out after all but I can't stop thinking about the big bro and what would have happened because I can't tell if he even remembers me anymore. And I don't know what I feel for the little brother right now.

I'm a mess! So please, tell me what do I do?

[talaniman]

I think it best to keep fantasies, and desires to ones self and not dwell on feelings of the past, but move forward in ones life. Feelings can be confusing and long held old ones intense, but be very careful about acting on them, and ruining what you have already, longstanding friendship.

How old are all of you and be aware neither of them has made a real move in your direction.

[GraceK61]

Me and the little brother are 19, the old brother is 23. I'm aware of that and I'm trying to keep my expectations low, in fact I don't expect anything from them I just want to stop feeling like this. You suggest that I should stop talking to them?

[smearcase]

"... and I really really love me. " Did you mean him?
This crush started at age 11, and sounds like no reciprocation in all those years.
No reason apparent to end the friendships, but branch out and explore a bit.
If they see you getting out and about, they will either ignore it or start showing you more attention.
Don't discount the possibility that they collaborate and coordinate their actions toward you.

[GraceK61]

"... and I really really love me. " Did you mean him?
This crush started at age 11, and sounds like no reciprocation in all those years.
No reason apparent to end the friendships, but branch out and explore a bit.
If they see you getting out and about, they will either ignore it or start showing you more attention.
Don't discount the possibility that they collaborate and coordinate their actions toward you.

Yes I meant him. Well of course at the age of 11 I couldn't have real feelings for him but that was the age when I met him and I started liking him. In time I started falling for him and eventually I loved him very very much. A lot of things happened all these years, our relationship was complicated we had times when we were fighting like dogs, times that we were like best friends and times that we were acting like completely strangers. There were times that I was completely over him (at least that's what I thought) but whenever I see him all the feelings keep coming back. He broke my heart way too many times by saying and doing several things, he got jealous every single time he saw me with another guy (escpecially if the guy is his brother) but never made a move. I used to think that he knew how I feel about him and that he was just playing around to mock me, but people keep saying that he has no clue. Right now I wouldn't describe our relationship as a friendship we are more like two people who know each other forever. He gets super excited when he sees me and so do I but we don't hang out right now. With his brother I'm not friends at all, I never was.

[talaniman]

I think its natural to form attachments with people with whom we are around so much and so long. Even with those we never get close with, its still likely that they are part of our sphere of influence like the big brother. But of course if we have nothing to compare them too or no outside experience to distract us then the bonds and attachments are bigger and more intense to us.

If I didn't know better I would say you live in a smallish town where there is a limit to diverse people, places, and things, and this is a very local circle of friends. Would I be close?

[GraceK61]

I think its natural to form attachments with people with whom we are around so much and so long. Even with those we never get close with, its still likely that they are part of our sphere of influence like the big brother. But of course if we have nothing to compare them too or no outside experience to distract us then the bonds and attachments are bigger and more intense to us.

If I didn't know better I would say you live in a smallish town where there is a limit to diverse people, places, and things, and this is a very local circle of friends. Would I be close?

No, not at all. I live in a big city big enough to say that it's unlikely to run into someone you know by accident, of course somehow I keep running into these two, call it bad luck or something. But besides that as I said I see them in the place they work, it's a night club and I go every now and then with my friends. Don't think too often maybe once or two times a month, usually I hang out elsewhere just because I try to avoid too much contact. Before that we were in the same school that's why we spent so much time seeing each other all those years. Now that we've graduated we don't meet that often in fact there were two years when I hadn't seen them at all, although I spoke with the little brother one or two times through Facebook.

[talaniman]

So is it possible old feelings are stirred up when you do see them? Broadening your horizons can help. LOL,I can remember it taking a few years after high school to break old attachments and form new ones, mainly from co workers and new neighbors after moving to my own place.

It takes time. Even years later old feelings and memories still can haunt you. I wouldn't dwell too much on it. Kind of normal as I said. Distracting though.

[GraceK61]

So is it possible old feelings are stirred up when you do see them? Broadening your horizons can help. LOL,I can remember it taking a few years after high school to break old attachments and form new ones, mainly from co workers and new neighbors after moving to my own place.

It takes time. Even years later old feelings and memories still can haunt you. I wouldn't dwell too much on it. Kind of normal as I said. Distracting though.

I am trying that. I just want to remain friends with the little brother because it makes me really happy to see him and I want him in my life but the thing with the big brothers is new I never felt anything for him before it kind of hit me out of nowhere and I feel really bad, I don't want to develop feelings for him and even if he feels the same I would feel bad for the other brother so I'm trying to suppress what I feel for both of them, old and new feelings, but that doesn't work. I also try to meet new people but that doesn't work either I keep comparing everyone to them and I end up feeling hopeless

[talaniman]

Those sounds like personal thing in you to be managed. Maybe you cannot help the feelings you have, but you can sure control what you do about them. That's goes for everybody so always think before you act, or speak, and stay within the boundaries of good behavior.

LOL, that in itself is a heckuva challenge for most of us.

[Jake2008]

Because the one brother has been a very good, loyal, and decent friend that you've been lucky enough to have throughout so many years, I would advise you not to give him up as a friend.

That being said, and you said you could tell each other everything, and have, for years, why not be honest and tell him you have had some serious feelings toward his brother, but you have not acted on anything.

He will know you well enough to accept honesty, and I would think appreciate that you didn't do anything behind his back. I think it was a good thing that you didn't meet up with brother #2, which was arranged with friends. Seems maybe the arrangement was a little planned? But, it didn't happen, so you still have an opportunity here.

Sooner or later, someone will come along and your interests will be more than friendship. If that happens, you will be able to share with your friend, that part of your life, and he will also likely have something similar happen as well, that he can share with you.

The risk you take in not being honest is two fold. If you don't tell your friend how you feel about your brother, and he finds out anyway, the friendship may be lost. If brother finds out how you feel about him, and the two of you get together and develop a relationship, there will be hard feelings with your friend feeling betrayed, by both you, and his brother. Who can blame him. And if a relationship doesn't work out with #2, you've lost them both.

Honesty is the best policy here I think.

[GraceK61]

Because the one brother has been a very good, loyal, and decent friend that you've been lucky enough to have throughout so many years, I would advise you not to give him up as a friend.

That being said, and you said you could tell each other everything, and have, for years, why not be honest and tell him you have had some serious feelings toward his brother, but you have not acted on anything.

He will know you well enough to accept honesty, and I would think appreciate that you didn't do anything behind his back. I think it was a good thing that you didn't meet up with brother #2, which was arranged with friends. Seems maybe the arrangement was a little planned? But, it didn't happen, so you still have an opportunity here.

Sooner or later, someone will come along and your interests will be more than friendship. If that happens, you will be able to share with your friend, that part of your life, and he will also likely have something similar happen as well, that he can share with you.

The risk you take in not being honest is two fold. If you don't tell your friend how you feel about your brother, and he finds out anyway, the friendship may be lost. If brother finds out how you feel about him, and the two of you get together and develop a relationship, there will be hard feelings with your friend feeling betrayed, by both you, and his brother. Who can blame him. And if a relationship doesn't work out with #2, you've lost them both.

Honesty is the best policy here I think.

You are right but if I have to be honest with him then shouldn't I tell him the whole truth? He (my friend) is the one which I had the big crush on and I never told him how I felt about him. So if I tell him now how I feel about his brother whom now I have started developing feelings for, wouldn't that be half the truth? Because we never addressed the things between the two of us and I still care about him. But if I told him that I had feelings for him and both his brother what would that made me? What would he and everybody else think? No it wasn't planned,the arrangement, it came out of nowhere no one knows that I have feelings for brother #2. And we are not that close friends with brother #1 anymore.

[clarkshann]

I think you need to move on. If either of them want you then the one who does will come to you. If not then it was never meant to be.

[Homegirl 50]

I think you need to get out and meet other people. Stop obsessing over this guy's brother. If there was something there on his side, he would have approached you. You have spent a couple of years away from him and did OK. I think when you see him, you start to over think. I think you have a crush. Time to leave it alone.

[GraceK61]

Right now the small one has started being overly nice to me, he says how much he misses me and how he wants us to spend more time together. I believe that he is doing it only because he found out that I would go out with his brother. Right now I'm keeping distance from both but I can't figure out why he would do something like this. It kind of breaks my heart.

[talaniman]

The more you write the more I think that your options and opportunities for dating and romance is extremely limited since you are so caught up in a game of tug of war between the unknown intentions of two brothers.

All of this because you cannot sort out your own feelings and find some good orderly direction for yourself?

[Homegirl 50]

Keep your distance between you two and if you must, you tell him you are not interested. You need some distance and more people in your life.