[sadface]

My husband and I have spoken about another baby for sometime. We have an almost 4 yr old boy who is simply adorable :)

I am upset though because every time we argue he always has to bring up that he does not think I could cope with two as I complain I'm tired just with one.

Isn't that abit harsh?

[Fr_Chuck]

It sounds like his way of saying, he is not sure he wants another child. Also, it sounds (like the truth) perhaps he is trying to tell you real facts of life. Babies are adorable, but a new born is lots of work, which means hubby is going to also have to do lots more. It also means less sleep at night and lots more expense.

Perhaps realistic, and his way of trying to give you honest opinion

[sadface]

Believe me I get that.. I really do.. But isn't that what having children all about , tiredness and sacrifices while boils done to all the love a child can give.I sometimes think I am happy with just one.. But the thought of leaving my son an only child daunts me :(So its not right to consider another just because of that fact right?

[Jake2008]

It seems to me that your concern is that in the heat of an argument, he hits where it hurts most- you wanting another baby.

That probably ends the argument.

The two of you are not solving differences by hurting each other, rather than resolving the argument.

He says you complain, and you're tired all the time. Does he have a point? If you are tired and complain, which is perfectly legitimate, what do you complain about and why are you so tired.

Does he help out? Do you work outside the home? Are there any problems that are simmering- like making mortgage payments?

I'm guessing that arguing with each other is not solving anything, and the argument goes too far (his comments) so that one of you ends up the 'loser' and the other the 'winner' of what ever the real issue was.

And then the pattern of arguing without resolving anything, carries over to the next argument, which could have nothing to do with the last argument, but the arguing itself is predictable. And that builds resentment, and the two of you don't get anywhere.

Communication, as corny as it sounds, is the key to solving problems. Arguing about problems until somebody 'wins' isn't the answer.

Agree with each other to set aside 30 minutes every day, to bring up anything that needs to be talked about. Agree to not bring up the past, make accusations, or veiled threats, or to say things unrelated that only hurt. Stick to anything that needs more time, without getting angry, and when things start getting miserable, realize that nothing good will come of carrying on the argument. Agree to set it aside for another day.

Talk, and listen- both of you. No interruptions when one is talking, no raised voices. Shut off the TV and the phones, and just talk.

I don't see this situation you are in as only the one issue of him insulting you, or saying you can't cope with a baby. I see that as a way out of communicating, which involves listening, contributing, and talking about the actual problem.

[talaniman]

If you are arguing now over this what makes you think it will get better with another child? Please work on communications first so you can talk like reasonable adults and resolve your issues properly.

[sadface]

Correct.. ill get cracking on the conversation tonight. Thank you all