[silentspring]

I am a graduate student who works on campus & I work with a guy who is introverted but also nice & friendly. I have a pretty similar personality. He gets along with just about everyone at work. He & I have had a few long conversations at work even though we don't always get to see each other much. Most of the people we work with, are girls who are very outgoing. They demand attention while I don't, because I'm shy. Most of them are engaged or in relationships. I'm single. I have developed a crush on him.


For the holiday break, he went back home since he's from out of state. I sent him a message telling him that he could text me if he ever wanted to. He never replied to it. However, he did text me to wish me happy holidays. He also liked some of my posts on Facebook & Instagram. After the holiday break things seemed normal. The first day back at work we had a meeting. After the meeting, just as I was about to leave he asked how my break had been. We were interrupted a few times by some of the girls but continued our conversation. At one point, I showed him something on my phone. He moved in closer to take a look & then we stepped back. We both stepped back but still stood pretty close to each other as we talked. We discussed many things & ended up talking for about an hour & a half. A week later, at a staff outing, he chose to sit next to me even though there were many seats open at our table.


He'll often like my some of statuses on fb & the funny memes & pictures that I post on IG. Sometimes we joke around & comment on each other's stuff. We interact more now, ever since we got back from the break, especially when we're around each other. There are times when I'll be in the office & if my door is open, he'll come in & talk to me. Last week, he stood at my doorway & surprised me when I saw him because I didn't even know that he had come in yet. We talked for about a half hour or so. On a day when we were both off from work, he posted a picture on IG & I commented on it by quoting a song. He thought it was funny because the quote really fit the picture. I posted a video of the song on fb with a caption that said that I couldn't get that song out of my head. He commented on it saying that he couldn't either. Two days later, he came into work & looked at me with a big smile on his face for what seemed longer than usual. I wasn't sure if this was related to our joke about the song or what.

The next night, he posted a fb status saying that he didn't know how to confront one of his housemates in terms of asking her to stop being so loud, w/out being rude. A girl commented on it offering him advice. I commented on it saying "Poor guy" since he has told me about this multiple times. Later, I got a text message from him saying that he had been serious about confronting his housemate if she didn't bring her noise level down before a game was on. We only exchanged 4 text messages but, I thought it was interesting because he NEVER texts me. We only talk when we're at work & if we interact outside of work, it's always through fb and/or IG. I wondered why he decided to text me all of a sudden.


The next day at work, we had a conversation for about an hour and twenty minutes. We talked about various topics, including: issues related to our races/cultures, music, and even our upbringings. I found it interesting that at one point, we were talking about people in our age group who decide to have children when they know that they're not ready for it. Previously, about a month ago, he told me that he wanted to have kids & I told him that I didn't. Now, this time around, he was telling me that he would like to have kids at some point but, that he doesn't know if that will actually happen. I'm not sure what made him change his outlook on that. The conversation seemed to be going well until we were interrupted by a girl we work with who decided to join in the conversation & tell us about herself & her fiancé. The next day, I was supposed to be off from work but, I showed up briefly to do something. When he saw me, I said "What's up?" & he told me that he was surprised to see me there because I'm usually not there then. We spoke briefly & he asked if I was going to hang out (I'm assuming at work) when I was finished with what I had to do but I couldn't.


I know that it's not recommended to become involved with someone at work but please don't lecture me on that. :)

It's difficult for me to decipher whether he's just being friendly with me or if he might actually like me. I'm kind of sensing a vibe between us but, I can't say for sure because I don't know if it's all just in my head. What do you guys think?

[Homegirl 50]

Seems like there is an interest there. It seems pretty obvious to me. Why are you asking ?
Are you planning on asking him out for coffee or something or are you going to continue the "getting to know you" hoping he will make a first move .

[smoothy]

Is it worth losing a job over? Seriously... that happens far more often than having it go without incident. And I have 35 years of work experience backing that observation up.

I know you don't want to hear it...but I don't care how wonderful someone is....being around them all day AND night has a way of causing things to end very badly because everyone needs time apart to maintain a healthy relationship.

[silentspring]

Seems like there is an interest there. It seems pretty obvious to me. Why are you asking ?
Are you planning on asking him out for coffee or something or are you going to continue the "getting to know you" hoping he will make a first move .

I'm asking because I don't want to jump to a conclusion that may be wrong. I would like to ask him out but, I'm afraid to do so (because I feel like I don't have a definite sign or indication of interest). I think I'll wait it out a bit more and see where things go. Thanks for your response.

[talaniman]

I think you keep it normal until more is revealed to you. Whatever this vibe is, it way to soon to know if its just an early attraction, or two workers getting comfortable with each other. You have no facts, just some confusing feelings. Like you say, a crush. Maybe he does too, but who knows but him, and crushes can change as quickly as they happen.

[Homegirl 50]

You're just asking him out for coffee, not a relationship. You may get a better idea with a one on one, away from work meeting. Then you need to decide if you want to risk the workplace.

[silentspring]

I think you keep it normal until more is revealed to you. Whatever this vibe is, it way to soon to know if its just an early attraction, or two workers getting comfortable with each other. You have no facts, just some confusing feelings. Like you say, a crush. Maybe he does too, but who knows but him, and crushes can change as quickly as they happen.

I agree with you. I'm not planning on making any moves. I'm trying to keep things normal until (or unless) something happens that indicates something definite.

[silentspring]

You're just asking him out for coffee, not a relationship. You may get a better idea with a one on one, away from work meeting. Then you need to decide if you want to risk the workplace.

That's a good point but, I honestly don't think I have the guts to ask him out.

[Homegirl 50]

Well just get to know him and he you. If there's anything there for either of you it will eventually show.