[khan3940]

We are in relationship since 2 years shez 17 and I'm 18
She have problem with my smoking, roaming with friends, she thinks that my friends are cheap people, smoking is cheap, she always have problm on something I do even if I am coming late from office she has problm why late etc etc. and problm on going out after office with my friends. I make time for her but due to some reasons she can't meet me but sometimes do, but when we have argument or something she will always remember to say you did this, you did that, but she will never remind herself the best time we had. The main question is how do I make her understand that I'm not doing time pass. I'm really thinking future to our relation?

[tickle]

'How do I make her understand'; because you two are lacking in the communication area of your relationship and at 17 ans 18 too immature to handle it.

I don't know what country you live in, but at 18 you should not be 'coming from office' but from school.

[joypulv]

It's an age old problem of the guy 'roaming with his friends' while the woman waits at home, often with dinner on the table. Many women are nesters and many men are footloose and fancy free (American saying). If you can't negotiate and compromise, then you should break up. Did you think love 'just happens' and 'all will work out?' Only in fairy tales. It's WORK.

PS: Asking how to make someone understand something is a sure sign of trouble ahead for your relationships with any woman. I suspect that she understands perfectly well. She doesn't agree with your reasoning (which you don't explain anyway).

We don't MAKE anyone do anything.

[Fr_Chuck]

Because if this was a serious relationship, you would not be running out with friends all the time, just once in a while. Or you would be inviting her to go out and party with you, as a couple. ( get a life dude, if you're a couple most of the party time will be couples party) now once in a while you both go out alone, but not most.

As for smoking, your choice but it is really a silly habit, it hurts your health, costs you money and makes you look stupid when you smoke. Humm not even one good factor.

As for late, you call before you are late and let her know.

These are actually big major issues. If you do not understand, you not mature for a adult relationship yet

[talaniman]

Its not her that needs understanding my friend, its you. The future you present to her is not very bright when you want her to change and you do.

[smoothy]

I agree with the others... the problem here is with your behaviour. Only another smoker enjoys the putrid ashtray stench that always surrounds a smoker.

Instead of demanding she change... how about you change... it won't be any less difficult... and at least she will be happy if you expect to have a relationship with her in the future.

[Jake2008]

There is an art to communication that, with experience and maturity, gives you the understanding you need to argue constructively.

When bringing up the past, for example, is thrown in your face, during an argument, that is not constructive, or helpful in solving the issue. It is an immature reaction brought about by emotion that is not under control.

It works both ways. To make a long story short, unless the two of you can find a way to communicate, and get off this 'he said, she said' merry-go-round, you will continue to spin your wheels, and eventually give up.