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goldeen · Feb 12, 2014, 06:11 AM

I 11 and my brother molests me, its been the second time now. But after this time I am really hurting like cramping under my belly button?

I haven't started my cycle yet its not period pains.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 12, 2014, 08:01 AM

Tell your parents and get medical treatment right away. At 11, your body is not ready for sexual activity and damage could happen.

goldeen · Feb 12, 2014, 08:40 AM

I want to but I am scared. I am dizzzy the pains bad, just waiting for mom to come home at 06:00pm then I will get mom to take me to a dr.

smoothy · Feb 12, 2014, 11:56 AM

YOU need to do it... don't let being scared stop you... there are many things you will have to do you are scared to do... but you will do it anyway.

Its always best to do it early... than do it late. Parents will be more upset you hid something from them... than they will be if you tell them right away.

goldeen · Feb 13, 2014, 10:08 AM

Its out! Dad threw my brother out, after beating him. Mom is sad mad and just crazy to me! 1 second she's holding and hugging me the next she accuses me of whoring! And worse is she's using this as a excuse to drink!! God I hate booze!! I went mom took me before she got drunk.. I had a kit thing let made or my mom did, they touched me put a stick in there!! I got nobody to talk to.. hell happened to me, I am sore sad confused and feel like a sinner! My brother could die and its all my fault :,( I am not just a excuse... they just going to cry, moms going to turn this all in to a poor me thing and dad will just go with it because he will be getting some!! I need them now this is supposed to be me that got sore they supposed to say poor geroldeen and hug and hold me not send me to my ing room!

smoothy · Feb 13, 2014, 10:27 AM

WHat your brother did was a bad thing... a very, VERY bad thing. Its all his fault.

They just found out... so they are understandibly still very upset... they will start calming down in a few days or weeks.

This is a very serious event... nobody can say how anyone will react... or what they SHOULD do... everyone is different... Nobody is blaming you... they would not have thrown him out if they did.

goldeen · Feb 13, 2014, 11:01 AM

I don't know what to feel, I am angry and sad and worried and so sad! My brother started his touching crap since I was 6 or so like lets play the big people game like I can make you feel good! Lots of touching kissing putting it in my mouth all of that then last year and this year he put it in I said I don't want to that I am scared and he pushed it in anway, I cried and the er got mad at me!! Second time he was drunk... it makes me so angry he took advantage of me!! He's numb scull BABY sister he's 10 years older then me!! I am still a baby I don't even have boobs yet just little bit of hair there and mom says I am whoring? It huurt like hell no way I want it I am not whoring also brother didn't pay!! I feel lost imean I feel like killing myself.. I won't! But I want to.. they touched me there put a stick!! Its wrong!

I am sleepy now maybe tomorrow

smoothy · Feb 13, 2014, 11:23 AM

Your mom is upset right now... when people are upset sometimes they say things they don't really mean to say.

With him being that much older... makes it even worse... because he did know better. So try, and I know its hard... but try to understand they are very upset and very angry with him right now... and they will say things to each other and maybe even you that they don't mean to say.

Alty · Feb 13, 2014, 04:58 PM

Have your parents contacted the police about your brother? Did they take you to a doctor? If so, the doctor has to report any sexual abuse, which means that you will get help, even if your parents don't want it.

There are things you can do. Tell your school counselor about this sexual abuse. You were raped, and that's against the law. Sadly, sometimes it's up to the victim to make sure her abuser is punished, and she/he gets the help needed. You're a child, but you do have options. If your parents won't help you, you have to help yourself.

joypulv · Feb 13, 2014, 07:40 PM

Parents sometimes get angry at YOU because they feel guilty and ashamed that they were bad parents, and raised your brother wrong, and didn't protect you. They get all mixed up with their emotions just like you are. Your parents don't sound very mature and wise, sorry. I wish you had a trusted adult around, someone you can talk to. Any ideas?

goldeen · Feb 14, 2014, 08:38 AM

I understand that they are upset and mad and making it all about them..

Last night in moms drunk stuper she slapped me and told me "i am a failure, i am sending u to yr gran. she will look after u"

Anyway it's the day after and they have hangovers and haven't mentioned anything about sending me away, just the "mornin" routine.. they gone to work and just like nothing like everyday just left me.

Yes my mom did take me to a dr yesterday, they did a kit thing with a stick! She broke it down as - my girl organs aren't ready for sex and my brother pushed and moved things that weren't ready to be moved just yet.. no not to my knowledge I don't know if the police got told, sure didn't go near any police station yesterday only helen josef hospital.

No its OK, I also don't think they mature! Mom acts like she my age and dad just goes along.. there's always moore brandy and coke then food, every weekend there's a party with adults and sex when it's that time I get sent to my room but you can still hear it.. still haven't seen my brother and I am scared for him, that fight between my dad and brother really unnerved me it was violent.

I can't ever tell my school or anyone out the family, its very ugly embarresthing and shamefull what happened but there is my granma I want to tell!

smoothy · Feb 14, 2014, 08:56 AM

What they did at the doctors was test you for any disease he might have given you, and also for any evidence if there was any... and as you thought.. to make sure you weren't injured.

I don't know exactly how its handled in South Africa, but in the USA the police would be called by the medical professionals. And they would find the person who did it and charge them appropriately.

Your fathers reaction isn't what I feel would have been unusual... your his little girl and he loves you... and he wants to protect you. He would be upset if ANYONE touched hi little girl like that... he's even more upset it was your brother that did it.

goldeen · Feb 14, 2014, 10:37 AM

They home now and its like nothing happened?? How's school? Did you do yr homework? Nothing nobody has yet to say anything about what happened. Never mind my brother its like he never existed??

I understand that he was protecting his little girl BUT he's little girl got very sore and he can't just make as if nothing happened?? And there was too much blood!!

Still don't know about my brother.. I thought he would have gone to his friends but they phoned here now now looking for him. What if his dead??

How did you know I am from south africa? I promise that I don't know how that works here, though there was a police woman watching as the test happened then mom spoke to her. That was all I know she didn't speak to me, mom signed then the cop signed then the dr took the paper.

The nursses looked at me with disgust... probbaly because I am white.

It was a hard day after school I looked up "how to die" on Google and found suiside wiki. I phoned my granma and told her and cried was on the phone over a hour hah see mom andpay that! My gran will be here Sunday. I can't wait.

smoothy · Feb 14, 2014, 10:55 AM

The name of the Hospital.

Trust me when I say no family knows what to do when something like this happens... because no family wants to think it ever will happen. First they over react.. also confusion, then there is denial... as it is hard to come to terms with, and one way to cope is to block it out (its human nature). Like most people would be... they are in a state of confusion and don't have any answers.

Family counseling would be a great idea now if that's possible... as they can view how everyone is dealing with this... being someone not involved they can offer suggestions and ways of coping for everyone involved...

afrahsohail · Feb 14, 2014, 01:03 PM

Oh my God. I am speechless after reading this post. Brothers tend to protect their sisters from other people what kind of brother is he who attacked you.shameful it is. Donnot you ever blame yourself you did the best thing and I am proud of you that you showed courage and told your parents about that sinner. I am sorry but that guy doesn't deserve to have a sister.
Hugs for you.
Donnot worry your parents are shocked and hurt that's why reacting unpredictibly. Let your mother say what ever she want just donnot listen to any word spoken against you or abuses because its not you its your brother who deserves worst than what your father did to him.
Relax and stay satisfied you are a good girl its not your fault at all share anything you want to and feel free.
Love you

goldeen · Feb 15, 2014, 10:15 AM

I understand and don't hold any of that against them, I don't hold a axe over mom for slapping me or even what she accused me of.. whorring that I am a slut or even that I am a failure.. yes it hurts but I understand the circumstance.. what gets to me is, I feel thhat what happened to me deserves somebody to hold me let me cry.. I am starting to feel that I don't deserve it. I am the baby of this household but they treating me as a grown up now when I need them the most..

moms still making out that she's the victom and dad still goes on like nothing happened?? Drinking parting and sex so loud! They just found out that I was raped, sexually forced SEX and my parents see it best to drink party and!! The mussic is blairing the people are shouting even through my door.. nearly 2 days now and still nobody has even mentioned anything about what happened..

my brother is still missing.. his girlfriend (x) girlfriend came looking for him today...
my granma is coming tomorrow I can't wate she will help get this sorted.

love u also

goldeen · Feb 16, 2014, 09:56 AM

Well, I am going with my granma for a bit, get therapy started and help. I am changing schools to I am to the cape now.

When mom saw granma she cried and said she can't deal with this.. me.. my dad at least showed some emosion that I am leaving and after a long talk with granma he decided its for the best if I leave.

I am very hurt..

Me and granmas flight is at 8pm we leaving soon. Also this will be my first plane ride.. part of me hopes it crashes..

Mom and dad have bad drinking problems, they need to get sorted first. I hope tomorrow after the booze weres off it will hit that they through me away!!

My brother is still missing, granma made a report by the triomf police station and they looking for him now.

Anyway thanks for all the help.

Love you all

talaniman · Feb 16, 2014, 10:08 AM

Thank you for keeping us updated and I hope you will in the future. We all want you to get help for yourself. I think Gma will do just that. Your parents have failed you and your brother with their bad behavior and need help themselves and a lot of it. I hope they get it and I hope you realize that as the stuff it's the fan it will be a long hard, emotional process for you all.

I wish you the best and you will be better even if your parents are not.

Prayers from us all. Be strong.

tickle · Feb 16, 2014, 10:10 AM

Yes, we feel for you to goldeen. I don't necessarily care how your parents get sorted out but hope things work out for you in another part of the country and a new school, let it give you hope, change your life around. Please, please let us know from time to time what is happening with you so we won't worry too much !

Tick

smoothy · Feb 16, 2014, 05:43 PM

Just remember some things are too much for some parents to cope with... and this was for yours... I'm sure they really do care... they are just overwelmed right now ( they really do need to get help by the way they are behaving)... and hopefully your grandmother will be able to give you the attention and the help you need right now.

Just remember life is what you make it... And you seem like a smart and strong person who will go far in life. And not everyone is like your brother or parents.