[afrahsohail]

This is little complicated. He was already married hadtwo little girls. He loved me a lot and we had great time. I was madly in lovetoo. Later on we became close and used to spend nights together. I asked him ifhe slept with his wife too. He said yes, so I asked him to leave me because I can’thandle this pain. He said he can’t leave me. He won’t sleep with her anymore. Buthe continued sleeping with her after a couple of months, and always lied to me.I had sixth sense that he must be hiding it because I'll leave him or if he won’tsleep with her that would have d0ubts so I can understand that.

She already caught us and he told her once that he had arelationship with me. Anyway he enjoyed with his family at times and lied thathe is going with office people and friends that I got to know now. He asked toget separated and kept counseling me. I was well counseled because he said he hasbeen very loyal and now he can’t hurt his family. I cried and begged him, toldhim I am pregnant and would need help and asked him to stay as a friend only. Hesaid OK and he said don't try to blackmail me. I wasn't actually. I was justasking for support, but 2 days after this I found his lies that he had enjoyedwith that had outing far away at a lake. He had pictures in phone that once Iwas about to see but he snatched his phone from my hands and fooled me.

Now I see that I was an idiot he kept lying andexplaining. I texted him and abused prayed that he may die. I didn't give himany chance to reply or talk to me. After my message I blocked him showing thatI'm kicking him out. I was happy that I kicked him. But now I am all alone withthis pregnancy. I need someone to share this.

Please tell me if I did the right thing by kicking himout by myself after seeing his cheating? And I didn't talk to him and blocked himwas that right? I don't know if he would have abused me back or would have saidsorry he is aggressive. At times when anyone insults him and I knew he wouldyell at me and hurt me even more. Butanother truth is that I know only talking to him can give me peace I don't hatehim. I still don't know what is to be done. We are over but in this way I’ll behurting myself right? Hating him would consume me too? Should I’ll say bye orsay sorry for the abuses and go. I would be in peace but I don't want him to bein peace. I want him to cry for me. I was always there for him, gave him moneywhen he needed. Well should I talk to him? Or give him pain by blocking? I don’teven know if he cares or not. I just know that I'm in pain because of this hatred.

Now I'm 5 weeks pregnant with nobody to help, no one toshare it, broken. My parents have fixed my wedding 2 months later and I don'twant to beg him again because I know he won’t care.

[joypulv]

NO, don't contact him at all! It was good that you ended it the way you did, it's good that you blocked your phone and messages. Go stay with family or friends to protect you if he comes around in person. Keep busy. Do you have a best friend, anyone? What's this about marriage in 2 months? Can you postpone it at all? I know in some countries marriage dates have to be exact.

Yes, you were an idiot, but we all are, or most of us anyway. We fall in love and are blind and all that jazz. I'm 67 and have been an idiot several times; not in the same way, but just as painfully. Now you know - married men RARELY leave their wives!

Let us know on the other board how the next 2 - 3 days go with the pills. Feel free to keep writing about the relationship here, just for the release, even if it doesn't feel like it's helping. It is.

[odinn7]

You say that you found him to be cheating but he was cheating on his wife with you....not the other way around. you knew he was married yet you kept up with it. You were silly to believe him and now you are paying for it. That is a life lesson that will stick with you and hopefully you will learn from it.

[Jake2008]

It was his wife he was cheating on, with you. Not him cheating on you, by sleeping with his wife.

Getting pregnant was not, and never will be, a way to keep him, or force him to be with you. You sound quite desperate, and that is why I say that the pregnancy was not an 'accident'.

He has made it clear to you that you, that he intends to stay married.

It wasn't you who kicked him to the curb, it was him that kicked you to the curb.

You have made it easier for him, by blocking him, and not contacting him.

That you are recently pregnant (and again I don't believe it was an accident), means you have an obligation now, to the baby you decided to bring into the world. You didn't need to decide to have sex with him at all, which would have been the better choice, seeing how he is a married man with two children already. Had you made better choices, you wouldn't be in this position at all.

IF you decide to carry on with the pregnancy (you do have options where you live I hope), the priority now, must be the child. Your married ex boyfriend is saying for you not to blackmail him, and I don't know what that means, except he just wants you gone from his life, as well as his child, with no consequences for HIS behavior.

For the sake of the child, I wouldn't do this man any favours. Seek legal help if necessary, to establish and set up child support. Be prepared, should he decide, once it is all out in the open, for him to want to share custody of this baby, with his wife. (If she doesn't boot him out). He could very well decide he wants his child in his life at some point, and you will be forced to comply with any court orders allowing him to do so. You could be, through this child you created together, spend the next 18 years or more, dealing with him, his wife, and court battles.

You may be able to block him from your life with the simple click of a mouse on a computer, but you won't be able to block him access to his child, so easily, should he decide to pursue contact with him/her, even years down the road.

You have an obligation to now face being a single parent, and an obligation to realize that the cost of raising a child alone, will be overwhelming. You will need to be prepared, and he will need to also be prepared, because my sense is if he's already threatened you not to 'blackmail' him, he isn't seemingly inclined to offer support for his child.

Be prepared to do what you would rather not have to do, and that is preparation to establish at least child support. This isn't about you anymore, and it isn't about your relationship with a married man anymore.

It is only about that child.

[smoothy]

You might try to blame him for everything... but you share equal blame in this all. So time to start acting like an adult about it, Otherwise the child WILL be the one to suffer for it if you have it.


Honestly, you should never have gotten involved with someone who was with anyone else in the first place. And he should have kept his pants on as well.

But better late than never to do the right thing.

[talaniman]

Sooner or later you will have to reach out and get some help for yourself because for sure he ain't going to be there to support you and your child. It's unfortunate but reality bites sometimes. You're a doctor, you know other doctors. Surely despite the rules of where ever you are, many have faced this same dilemma.

[afrahsohail]

Thank you every0ne. .
T0 be added here is that I did try t0 leave him because he was married and it was hurting me n his family t0o. But he kept me with him saying that he can't be happy without me and askd me t0 stay at any cost. He was a lively man used to share all his weaknesses with me all his medical and career based qtjesti0n were always awaiting f0r my resp0nse.we b0th knew we w0nt marry and leave each0ther s0on but we b0th c0uldnt leave each0ther we faced many pr0blems t0gether and kept the love alive 2 yearx is a huge time I thnk. But n0w he l0st his j0b . And was badly upset c0uldnt handle the pr0blems bec0x of his wifex weird behavi0r bec0x he didn't l0ve her. Anyway I d0 undrstand his p0int n0w and it was OK t0 leave but I hate him that he lied and kept thngx hidden bec0x I w0uld have left him after kn0wing th0se secrets. I kn0w them n0w and its hurting me.. thank y0u ths place have helpd me share the pain I'm much better n0w.
I cnt keep the child with0ut marrying in my c0untry. Im getng married after 2 m0nths t0 a guy my parents want me t0 marry.I cnt c0ntinue ths pregnancy else il have huge pr0blems. I want ths child th0ugh but w0nt be able t0 justify that's its fr0m my t0 b husband. Im c0nfusd that h0w cn I keep ths child bec0x my t0 b husbnd lives abr0ad he haven't t0uchd me either. Il b 3 m0nths pregnant at the weddng time the sympt0ms and nausea w0nt b easy t0 handle.s0 d0 u pe0ple thnk ab0rti0n is the 0nly opti0n? I cnt eva share any thng with my t0 b husbnd he w0uld div0rce me even if he g0t a little hint that the baby is n0t his bl0od.
Please pray f0r me I have b0ught mis0pros0l 20 tbletx each of 200ug.. I h0pe they would w0rk.

Special thanks t0 'j0ypuly' I was mentaly disturbed u have helpd me al0t..

[afrahsohail]

I have ab0rtd at h0me n0 c0mplictns n0thng happened jux fw cl0ts and n0rmal peri0m. jux used mis0pr0s0l with a difrnt brand name st.m0m.. sublingualy 4 tbletx w0rkd withn 3 h0urx :) I'm happy

Hex out jux fw mem0ries r thr n may b they will stay with me bt I'm used t0 it I'm hapy

[J_9]

Please type in proper words and sentences as the site requires. Your posts are getting increasingly harder to understand.

[joypulv]

Have you even met your future husband, or talked on the phone?
It boggles my American mind that a well educated woman with a good career goes along with an arranged marriage.
And I wish you could have more than 2 months between this self-centered liar and the next man, no matter how nice he is.

[afrahsohail]

Yes I have met him a c0uple of times.. hex nice n0 past affairs ever. Just wish me luck. Parents are always right s0 I trust their decisi0n and God.

[joypulv]

Have you decided whether you will tell him anything about this affair and pregnancy? (I wouldn't, but that's just me... it depends on how you can handle a secret.)

[afrahsohail]

I cannt tell him else he will leave me even if after many years he got to know he will divorce me without any second thought.in our country its unacceptable I will never tell anyone about it.

[afrahsohail]

I have cramps severe ones and bleeding with clots on and off, they make me go mad with pain.I think they are normal till 2 to 3 weeks.still cry at times donnot kn0w why.may be because I am alone and I still miss him at times, I just wonder if he thinks about me or not. I know he won't contact me or say sorry to relief my pain but I think I know that he misses me.but I don't want to think about him want to get rid of concerns about him.
How can I?

[joypulv]

You can't force yourself to not think about him, but you can keep busy. Unfortunately if you are still cramping and in pain, keeping busy is difficult! I take one Tylenol and one ibuprofin every 4 hours for pain, even though I have a bottle of Vicodin that I don't want to take. They do help just enough to keep somewhat active. If you took time off from work, what I would do is write the story of your relationship. Get some anger out as well as hurt, because anger is nature's way of protecting you from hurt, and is the needed step to get over him, and eventually drop both the hurt and the anger. Tell yourself what a SELFISH man he is (HE IS SELFISH!)
The story isn't for keeping but for burning when it is clear in your mind. Another thing you can do is help out women with medical questions on this site and others, perhaps some just related to pregnancy and abortion. There are millions with worries, even though not all are on a computer of course. In the US alone, over a million abortions a year happen, and that doesn't count the morning after pills and 72 hour pills.
Helping them will help you a lot.

[afrahsohail]

Thank you so much.Yes I think I am angry over that loser selfish man.he was a I fell upon.I have patients neonates at my hospital I help them treat them I feel so relaxed then.today was valentine though nothing romantic but I had awesome day at work discussed issues with other doctors laughed.I just don't want to think about him or that whether he misses me or not etc I still check his Facebook updates that I know I shouldn't but sometimes I cry for no reason. Anyway I am much better now yes timd heals and forgetfullnes is a blessing from God I am waiting for the day when I won't give it a damn what he is doing or thinking.I just want him to suffer with pain may be my happiness would make him mad and hurt him to death.what do you say should I unblok him? Or leave it as I left him after abusing telling him I hate him , should I let go and forget? I think I know the answer myself.

[joypulv]

I'd leave him blocked. He can see your page, so put a big timeline picture and a little profile picture (not sure what they are called) showing you smiling and surrounded by friends, perhaps other people at work? Your fiancé? That's punishment enough. Feel free to fantasize about all the ways you would torture him, ruin his life, kill him, etc. - we all do that, and it goes away faster if you let it all out in your mind and in writing and in telling close friends (or sites like this).

I gave you a greenie (helpful) for giving advice to someone with pain.

[afrahsohail]

He cannot see my page because he is blocked from the site.I think I should leave him thinking that what am I up to .yes I got a news that his wife have left and moved to her parent's home to punish him.may be that's why he wanted to leave and blame me for everything because I know he loved his daughters and would be sad because they are not with him.he won't be thinking about me and its hurting me.he haven't updated anything for 3 days.I just want to know what is he thinking and do he miss me at all or not.I know he does because few days back he said he cannot continue and its over but he himself said he wants to talk snd that he kept thinking about us but he thinks its time to leave and I should get married it would be the best thing for me I will realize it later.yes I know it's the brighter side to marry a man with no one else in his life than to live with a man who is shared and careless.you know what I also texted him that he is not equal to the shoe sole of my would be husband

[joypulv]

Creative image!
Just remember not to feel sorry for him, and not to worry about him. He did this all to himself. He wanted it all with no regard for anyone but himself.

[Alty]

I tried to read your posts, but ouch, wow, so hard to read, 0 is a number, not a letter. Just fyi. I realize English is not your first language, but you do have to try to at lease use letters and write a lot better than you have been, if you want anyone to be able to make sense of what you post.

From what little I understood of your posts you had an affair with a married man. You seem to think that you had no choice in this, that he forced you to stay with him. You're delusional. You had choices, you chose to have an affair, you chose to let yourself be used. Now you're paying for those choices, and the payment is no less than you deserve for pursuing a married man. Yes he's scum for cheating on his wife and children, but you're no better than him. Don't try to put yourself on a pedestal. You had choices, and you made them. You made the wrong ones. Sometimes you have to pay for the choices you make.

Now, according to what little I can understand of your posts, you have a man that's willing to marry you. You're not telling him about your affair, and that's another choice you have to make, or the pregnancy you aborted that was due to this affair. That's another choice only you can make, and only you can pay for. Personally, I couldn't live that kind of lie.

So you have this other man, but you're still obsessed with the married man? How is that fair to your future husband? He deserves to be number one, the only one you think about, the only one you care about, but it seems that all you care about is the married man that you feel wronged you.

Stop playing the martyr. You're just as guilty as the married man, and now you're using an innocent man that wants to marry you, and doesn't know that he means nothing to you, that you're still obsessed about an affair he knows nothing about and still yearning for a man that you can't have and never should have had.

I don't feel sorry for you, I don't feel sorry for the married man you had an affair with. You both chose what you did. I do feel sorry for the man that has agreed to marry you. He doesn't deserve any of this.