[bordeaux67]

My wife is a nurse and has formed a friendship with a young M early 20's patient of hers. He's not in great health and I'm sure she cares for him in a maternal way and just wishes he gets better. My question is where do you draw the line? It's obvious they are friends at the clinic she works in. You can tell they are on friendly terms. I'm afraid boundaries may be tested though.

Recently I found out they communicated outside of work for several days by text and cell when he was in the hospital (unafilliated with my wife's work) for a 3 day stay. My wife was so concerned that she called the hospital relentlessly until they were able to at least touch bases. After the initial contact, they texted and called each other fairly regularly until he was released from the hospital (2-3x a day). He even asked my wife to pick him up from the hospital after discharge. She declined. Keep in mind this is not romantic. I am sure.

I wish him nothing but the best but I feel that they should not be that comfy being buddies when she's off duty as this cuts into our family time. I can honestly say I think she's obsessed with his situation and it's confusing me . When she gets home, conversation quickly turns to this patient of hers non-stop. Isn't there a sort of code of conduct between nurses and patients that shouldn't be crossed? I know this isn't romantic but it still bothers me. Any thoughts because I'm confused? By the way, he's married and my greatest argument is his wife and family should serve as his support once he leaves my wife's clinic each week. I believe his wife may have questioned this behavior on at least one occasion so I feel semi-justified in my feelings. Please don't think bad about my wife, she's the greatest wife/mom to our kids. My issues are what are the boundaries between nurse/patient? The second issue is that I feel our family could be getting "cheated" out of family time. I just can't come to terms with this obsession as I call it.

[Fr_Chuck]

Sounds pass the lines for a nurse personally She is having touble cutting it off, separating work and home life.

[rewes]

Dear Bordeaux67, I'm an RN and have had, in my 29 years of being a nurse a few patients who were "special". It sounds as though this patient is special to your wife. The reason may be that she has an unresoved conflict or loss with a previous similar case which she is trying to resolve or compensate for by over compensating with this patient. Is she aware that she is over involved with this patient ? She is professional, when you say she was aware enough not to pick him up from the hospital. I think the patient may be pushing her buttons and she has some past experience that is causing her to go above and beyond. Is the patient going to be discharged from her care or is this going to be a long term case? If it is long term, you have the right and as a loving husband , the concern to open her eyes to how she is being overextended by this one case. It happens a lot. You are a good caring man to see what this case is doing to her.

My husband is REWES and asked me to respond to your query.PD.