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scared_01 · Jan 10, 2014, 09:52 PM

Hello everyone let's start by saying I'm in Ontario Canada and I have a question that pertains to custody. This is the story. I am a young mother who decided to pick a guy to have two children with. You'd think I would have learned from my first child however I didn't and anyway I need some advise.

The guy I had my two daughters with, one is 2 and one is 3, he smokes weed, drinks daily and does other harsh drugs as well as has a criminal record and an abusive record towards me throughout our 5 yr relationship. I want custody of my daughters. Now he has told me I am going to lose and he will go for full custody and wants to ask the courts for rights to have them on every weekend, plus a day during the week as well, as if I have to bring them to a doctors appointment, I have to bring him, and wants to have them when they are school age so he gets to pick them up and drop off when ever he feels like it and I can only imagine whatever's he is going to be asking to have if those are just a few things. He is going to make up a bunch of things that aren't true or say anything to have his own way.

Pleassse help me and tell me is this right? Can he do this, and will the courts grant his wishes? What am I going to do? I am really scared and fearful of the outcome please anyone help me.

stinawords · Jan 10, 2014, 10:12 PM

Okay, please first take a breath and slow down a little. At least enough to use complete sentences with punctuation and capitalization. It is hard to read through to give you a proper answer the way your question is right now. That being said, do you have proof of his abuse toward you over the last five years? If not, your word against him is just as good as anything he says against you with out evidence. Were the two of you married? If not is he the legal father? No courts give an order that the NCP (non-custodial parent) can just pick up the kids and drop them off at school just whenever they feel like it. There are set dates and times that each parent has with the children.

Have you filed for custody in court yet? If not, after you take a breath, file for custody of the children. You can use whatever evidence you have showing why they would be better off with you and visitation with the father but remember you need as much proof of anything you say as you can get. If he has a criminal record that doesn't bode well for him having custody but I don't know what kind of record or how old (and I'm not asking) the judge will take multiple things into consideration when making a judgement. Then you abide by what the judge orders.

scared_01 · Jan 11, 2014, 05:25 AM

Ok let's start with the evidence again me there has been charges laid against him regarding me with the abusive behaviour he has with me plus I have pictures to prove he has hit me and abuised me along with text messages of the mental abuise he is causing me . Everything he gave me ever he took back or broke and now he wants to do whatever e can to take my daughters as well !
We were never marred or lived together he has stayed over at my place but that never happened until I got my own place in sept of last year . He is the legal father of two of my children .
However I do have a lawyer that I'm not particularly confident in and I have the papers almost finished I'm supposed to be dropping them of Monday to her .
He has a record as long as u can think of from everything to theifs which he would do if he were out with the children to abuise with me and assaults which he is still on probation for. I think he even may have alcohol related charges as well. Only thing is he doesn't have drug charges for crack and coke but he does that along with other drugs!
I am worried for my kids safety when and if they go there with out me ! At the moment he is living with his mom and dad which they also live in Ireland and go back and forth and his father is sick with Alzheimer's disease and his mother and father never knows or wants to admit If he is doing anything! Which then worries me even more ! He is going to try to us everything he can against me and yes even though he is going to need evidence and proof I understand that part he is a snake that will still try and come up with anything possible to get his way .
What about supervise access and over nights as they r babies willl they give him supervised access somewhere if I ask for that and the over night thing will they Make two small babies go over night with them who they barely know and his family that they barely know from all of them not being in our daughters lives ? Please help me I am scared of what the out come will be for my daughters lives and futures !
Oh also what about the dr thing will a court make it so that if I have to take them to a dr appt I will have to take him to even tell him for that matter ?

Fr_Chuck · Jan 11, 2014, 05:34 AM

OK, of course he is going to threaten all of this, that is what abusive men do. They threaten, he will next most likely threaten to take the kids and you will never see them again, that is normally what he says next.

Guess what, almost every time, they do nothing, they will not hire an attorney, not fight, not even show up in court.

With that said, it is common for the man to get every other weekend and one day during the week.

It is also normal for them to be informed of medical treatment.

He will also have to pay child support and normallly 1/2 of medical costs.

So you file, and prove everything you said. What happens is unknown, no one can tell you what the judge will decide.

ScottGem · Jan 11, 2014, 06:58 AM

As stin said calm down. Of course he is going to threaten such things. He is an abuser. But with a criminal record and a record of physical abuse, it is unlikely he will get anything more than supervised visitation. I doubt seriously if he will get anything close to what he is threatening.

And if you don't have confidence in your attorney, get another.

ma0641 · Jan 11, 2014, 11:20 AM

And stop having children with him!

daniigurl · Jan 23, 2014, 08:19 AM

He can do this, but it is unlikely that he will win. However, no attorney can predict an outcome. What you need to do is document everything, every interaction, conversation, if he's high when present around the kids and when it comes to custody/visitation stress child endangerment. Your children need to be with a parent whom is in the correct state of mind to properly care for them. I think if the evidence supports you're the better fit parent, you have a better chance of gaining sole physical custody. They may grant only joint legal custody, though. Just keep your calm, do your research, don't fight with him, and make it known that what he does isn't safe for your children, because it isn't.