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Matt3046 · Mar 31, 2007, 05:23 PM

Anything anyone can tell me about mediation would be a huge help. Specifically, child custody.

RubyPitbull · Mar 31, 2007, 05:48 PM

Ah, Matty, are your ex's parents going to be in on this one too?

Mediation is an excellent alternative to dragging your butt through the court process. It winds up being cheaper in the long run if you can hammer something out through mediation. Is there something specific that you want to know? Process is like being in front of a judge but a lot more relaxed.

Matt3046 · Mar 31, 2007, 06:50 PM

Yeah well in NC, it is the law that you have to go to mediation. No if the inlaws are there I will refuse to proceed (I don't think they will be allowed). That's kind of funny because they have initiated, their own thing as something called an intervener, it is usually only done if a parent is completely unfit, (it kind of makes you wonder about my ex) but there is not a chance in hell they will beat me on that, (Their daughter is setting herself up). I am betting that it was the only way they would pay the legal bills, or that the lawyer is just pumping them for money. Maybe both. But I don't really expect it to resolve anything my ex is not reasonable, (she will not even shield all this from my daughter). So I would expect it to be decided by an arbitrator, which I can't lose because I can't get any less time. Right now I only get 34 hours a week, before all this it was 60, but I really want to be able to make sure my daughter has a stable, home as much as possible (my home).

Matt3046 · Mar 31, 2007, 06:55 PM

Yeah you think I would know my ex girlfriend (not this one) has a masters in Conflict Resolution (Mediation) but unfortunetly I didn't pay attention. I am thinking of e-mailing her. My question is this, is it something you win? What about supposed evidence, does it really matter?

RubyPitbull · Mar 31, 2007, 06:57 PM

Hi Matty. Yes sorry, the arbitrator is like the judge. I am getting a bit tired and it probably would be wise to not stay on too much longer.

Is there something specific you want to know about mediation? It really does make sense to do that. A mediator may be able to tell your ex that she is not thinking realistically and get her to relent on certain issues. Kind of like the legal version of a marriage counselor, but not quite. But, I think you get my drift.

RubyPitbull · Mar 31, 2007, 07:03 PM

Sorry, I guess we were posting at the same time. No, it is not something that you "win" per say. All the issues will be brought to the table. Each issue will be brought up for discussion. If there is evidence that either of you has for that issue, it is brought into play and discussed. The result is a meeting of the minds. The mediator will make a huge attempt to resolve all the issues to everyone's satisfaction. His input is also valuable if there is a big conflict that cannot be resolved. That will go far with an arbitrator or Judge. They will rely on the mediator's report.

I think it would be a great idea to get a hold of your other ex -- conflict resolution ex. :p
If you have a good relationship with her she can really give you a good idea of what to be prepared for.

cw77 · Aug 17, 2011, 05:03 AM

If you can't work it out in mediation, you go to trial.