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1Heidi · Nov 24, 2013, 05:07 PM

My divorce was in MI. I live in another state. We have joint custody and 250 miles in between us. My ex and I see eye to eye on nothing. Currently the 3 children 14, 12, 8, live with me during the school yr. and in the summer in MI. Exchange kids every other weekend. MI has jurisdiction over the case.

The children do not want to go on visitation with their father. I know the age legally is 18. What can be done for someone to listen to the children's wishes. MI does not provide a guardian at lidem. I can not afford to pay for one on my own. Any help, suggestions or ideas would be helpful. I can describe more on a individual bases not here, Thank you.

The children have been going to individual therapy for 3 yrs. Their therapist/physiologists say the going back and forth for a 4 hour drive each way every other weekend bothers the children and causes cacaos in their lives. Stresses them out and causes emotional problems. The children miss out on sporting events they r involved for school. Outings, vacations, time with friends and family. The children tell their father that they have lives of their own, and it is not there it is at home.

The court did order only one session with my sons therapist with him and his father.

cdad · Nov 24, 2013, 05:29 PM

Is there some outstanding reason they dont want to go? Are they in danger if they go ?

1Heidi · Nov 24, 2013, 05:48 PM

They do not like him. He has other kids over to keep these kids occupied. He has them spend the night at ppls house to either get them off his hands or to go out drinking. He is more concerned about his girlfriend than the children. His girlfriend drinks like a fish and smokes all the time. He also drinks. Has people over to drink/party.The house stinks. He sees the children just out of spite. They tell him all the time that they know he does not love them. There are other issues also that I do not want to list here.

ScottGem · Nov 24, 2013, 05:59 PM

You have to go to court in MI to seek a modification of the visitation order. The 14 yr old will probably be listened to. The other probably not.

1Heidi · Nov 24, 2013, 06:04 PM

MI F.O.C. worker told me that the judge does not talk to the kids.

The 12 yr has voiced to her father that she does not want to go and refused one time. He called the state patrol. I know she will continue to refuse. Maybe not all the time but it will happen.

ScottGem · Nov 24, 2013, 06:25 PM

You have to make the child available. You don't have to physical force the child to go.

1Heidi · Nov 24, 2013, 06:33 PM

When I took them almost 2 weeks ago, and she refused, the state patrol came. He said they had to go or I would be arrested for interference with visitation, and told me to leave. I went to my car and said I would not leave until he had them in the car and left. I also said if she took off he would not be able to get her I would have to. So their father pulled my daughter by the wrist. The cop slapped the head phones off my sons head and said,, show some respect and escorted them to the car.

cdad · Nov 24, 2013, 06:44 PM

What bothers me is that the children are telling him that he doesnt love them. The courts dont like hearing that at all. They may not modify anything but instead order therapy for them both on thier own and as a group to get to the root of the problem.

ScottGem · Nov 25, 2013, 05:32 AM

Originally Posted by 1Heidi

When I took them almost 2 weeks ago, and she refused, the state patrol came. He said they had to go or I would be arrested for interference with visitation, ...

That's what I was saying. He has a court order and the police will help enforce that order. You have to present them but you don't have to force them physically.

Originally Posted by 1Heidi

The cop slapped the head phones off my sons head and said,, show some respect and escorted them to the car.

Did you get the name or badge # of that officer? I would and have reported him. The police were correct in telling you leave, but they had no business in becoming physical.

cdad · Nov 25, 2013, 03:12 PM

Originally Posted by 1Heidi

The children have been going to individual therapy for 3 yrs. Their therapist/physiologists say the going back and forth for a 4 hour drive each way every other weekend bothers the children and causes cacaos in their lives. Stresses them out and causes emotional problems. The children miss out on sporting events they r involved for school. Outings, vacations, time with friends and family. The children tell their father that they have lifes of their own, and it is not there it is at home.

As Scott had mentioned and Im sure your aware the children dont get to decide. It is up to the adults to decide. Is there some other area where you can trade time with the children so maybe he gets a block amount of time through the summer and that way they dont have to go back and forth all the time.

talaniman · Nov 25, 2013, 05:44 PM

You NEED a lawyer. Expensive I know, but a lawyer can advocate in your and your children's behalf, and stop this abuse where you cannot. At least talk to a few and get their terms, because without them this will continue until the kids can legally express themselves and act on their own behalf.

A loan for legal fees is an option, or a referral from legal aid in your area may yield some leads to this end. Document every exchange. And keep records of his actions.