[Icepuppy]

Our 2 grand daughters (currently 8 & 6 yrs) were moved by their mother 2 hours away from their father 2 years ago. He has 3 wkend visits per month. Week on/week off July & August. Legal custodial document in place.

Since last summer the 8 yr old cries constantly that she wants to return to her home town (where both sides of extended family reside) but admits she doesn't want to be separated from her younger sister (who wants to stay with their mother)

So. At what age should my son consider legal counsel for his daughters? He of course doesn't want to separate the girls, but is breaking up knowing how unhappy the older one is & doesn't know how to help her.

Any suggestions/advice appreciated

[Alty]

Age really doesn't matter in this case. There's never a good age to put your children through a legal battle or separate them from a sibling they want to be with. This is really a case of the father realizing that an 8 year old needs guidance, not more turmoil.

He should talk to the mother of his children and let her know that the older child is unhappy, and to seek counseling for the child. Counseling should be going on anyway because of the situation these children are in.

If his older child, a child of 8, is unhappy because of where she lives, it's unlikely that the courts will take that into consideration when deciding whether to split the kids up. There would have to be great negligence on the part of the mother for that to happen, and if that were the case it's doubtful she would have gotten custody to begin with, and in that case both children would be removed from her care. Your son would also have to be able to prove any allegations if that's what's going on, if that's what's causing the 8 year old's unhappiness, which wasn't mentioned and doesn't seem to be the case here.

From your post I'd say that counseling for both children is really the best course both parents can take for the sake of their children. A united front, no matter what the hostility is between them, is also best for the children. Daddy needs to stop enabling the 8 year old, and needs to start helping the mother, the one with main custody, to help her children adapt.

[ScottGem]

The decision has to be made by the court, not the child. And, at that age, they really won't listen to her preferences.

I agree with Alty, the father needs to determine why the daughter is unhappy.

[Icepuppy]

Thank you both for your replies. Thankfully there is absolutely no worries over abuse or neglect. The older child is unhappy because she was never told this was to be a permanent move, her mother led her to think she would have a choice. It has been harder for her than the younger one to settle in because she had already been in school here for 2 years & still misses her friends (tho they are penpals, happily) Neither of the girls wanted to go in the first place (happy to be with their mother of course, just not 2 hours away from their father & cousins.

[ScottGem]

That they have not adjusted after 2 years, especially at that age, is worrisome. Young children are resilient. For a 8 yr old to still be unhappy over such a move that occurred 2 years earlier sounds alarms to me. I would have her talk to a professional. I think something else is going on. It may not be abuse, but something is making her unhappy.