[recoveredannie]

I met a friend two years ago and I consider her my best friend. I have a best friend that I cherish dearly. She and I are really close and spend a lot of time together. However, she told me that she does not like the term "best friend" because it carries a certain expectation and responsibility. She had a bad experience with a best friend before. She had a best friend named Anna and they had a falling out and so from then on she claims she does not like calling someone a "best friend". I was fine with that and I understood. I was happy calling her best friend even if it's not reciprocated.

However, a few days ago I found out through social media that she actually has a best friend. Someone named Carla that she never mentioned before to me in the whole time we were friends. She said she's attending her "best friend Carla's wedding" this Saturday.

I was hurt and upset. Not because she does not reciprocate my feelings of being best friends but the fact that she lied to me about not wanting to use the term "best friend" when all along she has one that she calls best friend, a friend that she hid from me.

I'm not even sure where I want to go with this friendship. What should I do?

[15yearoldgirl]

Just because she has another friend doesn't mean that your friendship needs to end. 'Best friend' is a term sometimes used without real meaning and if this girl was never even mentioned to you then maybe she's not as close as the Facebook status implies? However, the best thing to do is to talk to your friend about it and find out if she still wants to be close with you. If not then fair enough. If she does, then you should try not to let a second friendship get in the way of everything. Even if Carla is her best friend then what's to say that you aren't too, even if she doesn't like the label? And just out of interest, how old are you?

[recoveredannie]

Thanks for the response. It gave me an insight on what to do. I guess I just feel hurt that she felt the need to lie to me about the whole best friend issue. I made it very clear that she does not have to reciprocate my feelings about having her as a best friend but it would have been nice to know about this other friend that is her best friend. I'm just trying to figure out why she never mentioned Carla before. I mean, if it was a casual friend I would understand but if someone is important enough in her life that she calls her best friend, I would just think that she would have mentioned her to me at some point in our friendship. It's almost making me doubt the kind of friendship we have. And I'm 17 years old.

[15yearoldgirl]

Glad it helped you! :) now you just need to talk to her and see if this Carla person really is her 'best friend'