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dave1219 · Nov 3, 2013, 10:20 PM

I just had to type this again. I hit the back button and it deleted everything it was like 4 pages I'm pissed it was a lot I wanted you guys to get a back ground story of how my relationship started. Well ill just keep it short this time. So I have been with my girlfriend for 6 years just made on OCT 6. now let me start by saying though out the whole 6 years we have broken up at least 5 times. Out of those 5 times I want to say only 2 times have been serious break ups but she has always been the one to give up so easy and she has always been the one to break up I have never been the one to break us up. And every time I'm the one to always talk to her and I guess make her come to her senses. And tell her not to give up and relationships aren't easy and they always have fights and arguing. And we have never handled fights the right way at least I think. Long story short, she went on vacation and broke up with me again and said she wanted to be by her self and all that stuff. During that time and 4 months before she was talking to this teaching assistant that we had in high school and it was just a friend at first and it got to the point where it was too much talking on the phone on IM texting and I remember telling her stop talking to him too much it was getting ridiculous and her response was babe he's just a friend nothing more and it got to the point where they would talk on fb non stop on weekends and weekdays after work bad enough they worked in the same place and they would see each other and talk at times. So during her vacation since she broke up with me she talked to him non stop on phone fb texting and I know this because she told me. Now when they came back we talked and she admitted to me that during her vacation she had confessed to this guy that she had feelings for him and if he felt the same way and he said no but who knows in the future, yea immediately he became a problem in our relationship we got back together after talking to her and came to the conclusion that she can stay talking to him just not crossing the line like before she made it clear to him that she wanted to remain friends just that she couldn't talk too much he got mad and he stopped talking to her now I told her that never did I tell her to stop talking to him because he was a friend that she talked to because personal experiences they shared like some one passing away. Ever since then our relationship was perfect this past summer we did a lot of new things we never have so much that she her self told me" i have never felt so close to you in in all the 6 years we have been together" which correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that a good thing? Forgot to mention we I got her an engagement ring 2 years ago she told me she wanted one I know not supposed to happen like that but I got it for her she wore it then we broke up. She didn't want to wear it again because she was scared to feel tied down so point is I kept it and 2 years later after she told me she felt so close a month later she tells me she wants her ring to wear it and show it off and I immediately told her remember 2 years ago I wanted you to wear it and you didn't now you want to of course during this time I wanted her to wear it because in all honesty I love this girl to death she means so much to me we have an amazing bond and history together we have know each other since elementary school. So any way I told her this ring isn't just a promise ring its more than that it means that we can't fight over stupid things and just break up (knowing in the past of are relationship) this means we are going to work things out and she asked for it back like 3 times until I gave it to her because we both agreed on it and she posted it on fb then that's when my behavior started to change acting silly not being serious and it was because I was scared honestly but it inside it didn't change anything I wanted to be with her and one day marry her for all the right reasons. But we continued and until recently she got mad because I canceled on her to hang out and she says I dictate her life when I tell her things but its not my intention for example if she knows the guy is a problem for us then why bring him up in certain situations or anything to do with him when she knows its going to cause a fight. That's my problem with her so since she asked for a break because she wants to find her self because when she's with me she's happy and other times she's not her words she says I'm all she's known she's my first girlfriend and her second technically we started when she was 15 and I was 16 since high school and I know everyone will say we started too young but I feel like yes we did but we grew up both together and the relationship grew so much in a good way. Oh and let me say this I think it has to do something with it we haven't had sex in are whole relationship and even still I continue to stay because I love her for her and I know that's bothers her because she hasn't given me that so she's always said go find some one who does because I can't and I get mad at her because if I wanted to I would along time ago now a days that's all a relationship is. So here's the question?

Despite everything that has happened in the past good or bad we get to a point in our relationship where she hasn't felt any close then now in all of the 6 years then a month later ask for her ring back and Wants to wear it has a 1 to 1 with my mom about it good thing. And then all of a sudden just says she needs a break to find her self and she's felt like that for a while but tries to hold on because I always told her if you feel anything even if it's a little just go with it and hang on to that not forcing her to but letting her know. These are the points I think play a big role in our relationship

1. being young and starting young but its not impossible to my sister has been with her high school relationship and are married they fight but stay together

2. not having sex yet in all the 6 years we have tried but I think I have messed that up because I would force her to try instead of it just coming. Not that we don't do things trust me we do other things I do things to her and so does she to me and she gets off on that and recently that last couple times she has told me that its gotten serious with what she feels evertyime time we do things and even if it s not sex.

3. her real dad has screwed with her head mentally and emotionally parents got divorced when she was young with her brother. And has always put her down makes her feel unworthy. I'm always there to support her and reassure her I love everything about her.

4. her always doubting are relationship and giving up to easy not putting 100 percent when its really needed.

I think that's it I'm sure I'm missing stuff I wanted to include everything I can because I want to give the whole story instead of just one part you know. Please let me hear your opinion because at the moment she just said she wanted a break and for rme not to wait for her but she says its not because she's doesn't love me because she does she loves me and my family and her mom has been telling me she's crying her eyes out everything she sees and touches is all me which is true as do I am very upset I cry and all but he mom just tells me to give her time and space I just don't want to lose her I really don't we have grown so much together and I love her so much sorry its so long again thanks

joypulv · Nov 4, 2013, 02:49 AM

Ouch, I'm sorry to say that this short version is too long too. You need to try to summarize and get to the question. When someone says they need a break and don't wait, that's a sure sign that they are done with the relationship. Some people can live on strife because that's what they saw growing up, while others don't like it one bit. A certain amount of fighting is normal enough, but it has to end with a good talk and some solution, usually involving compromise.

You don't say how old you both are, what you are doing with your lives at the moment (work, school) and who you live with. That is important to know before all this.

dave1219 · Nov 4, 2013, 04:38 AM

Yes I agree I think its too long but like I said wanted to give you guys a back ground of the story and currently we both are 21. She works half day until 12pm and I work 8-4 she lives wither her parents and so do I. But seeing each other isn't a problem we would hang out 3 times out of the week 4 times even we always wanted to hang out with each other so that wasn't an issue

joypulv · Nov 4, 2013, 05:24 AM

It's important because of the maturity required for each level of a young life. You have gone from a teen relationship where nothing really 'counts,' to adulthood, where everything matters. Living at home is still an artificial environment - you don't have to struggle to make ends meet. You don't mention plans for a future. You are still stuck on silly things like taking a ring back or who is friends with whom on Facebook. 21 is a crossroads! What do your next 5 years look like to you? To her? Is it possible that she thinks it's high time you got an apartment together, perhaps, as well as saving? Does she ever talk about children, or a career, or moving away, or wishing you two could get a house someday? What are your adult PLANS?

dave1219 · Nov 4, 2013, 05:43 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

It's important because of the maturity required for each level of a young life. You have gone from a teen relationship where nothing really 'counts,' to adulthood, where everything matters. Living at home is still an artificial environment - you don't have to struggle to make ends meet. You don't mention plans for a future. You are still stuck on silly things like taking a ring back or who is friends with whom on Facebook. 21 is a crossroads! What do your next 5 years look like to you? To her? Is it possible that she thinks it's high time you got an apartment together, perhaps, as well as saving? Does she ever talk about children, or a career, or moving away, or wishing you two could get a house someday? What are your adult PLANS?

Well first off we have talked about marriage and having kids marriage deff not yet in the future yes we would like that and also kids we said around 26 these as well as moving in together these are all things we talk about at random times when were together so we have discussed plans for US in the future in 5 years I see us together starting to have a family and yes 21 is a time where I think we have grown from little things to more serious relationship

joypulv · Nov 4, 2013, 06:17 AM

But what have you actually done about these plans? Many parents have kicked their kids out by now. Are you saving money? A lot, enough for 1st, last, security of rent, and a few thousand more, to get started? Do you have a job with a future? Does she? Or is she hoping that you will provide?
Yes I know 21 is still young. There's just something about the way you write that is VERY young. And canceling to hang out is EXTREMELY immature. I'm afraid that she is maturing and you aren't. Sorry.

dave1219 · Nov 4, 2013, 07:44 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

But what have you actually done about these plans? Many parents have kicked their kids out by now. Are you saving money? A lot, enough for 1st, last, security of rent, and a few thousand more, to get started? Do you have a job with a future? Does she? Or is she hoping that you will provide?
Yes I know 21 is still young. There's just something about the way you write that is VERY young. And canceling to hang out is EXTREMELY immature. I'm afraid that she is maturing and you aren't. Sorry.

Yes I agree many parents would not accept this but our parents have her parents love me to death and I a really close relationship with them as far as saving and all those things we just talked about it we both have jobs with futures we both agreed we aren't ready for that at the moment but we would both like that AMD canceling plans? I'm trying to find the part where I wrote that and my whole question out of all this is that after what she said and the ring whyvallnof a sudden does she take that decision? Were technically still a together because she hasn't officaily said were over to my face fb I really don't care because that doesn't mean Anything

joypulv · Nov 4, 2013, 08:37 AM

'... recently she got mad because I canceled on her to hang out and... '

I'm afraid that you just aren't getting the picture of yourself that others see. Parents loving you, her parents loving you, has NOTHING to do with saving money and planning for a life on your own. I could be wrong about her, because she isn't here, but I'll bet I'm not far from the truth. You are still a kid living day to day, hanging out, maybe preferring computer games to a lot of other things, who knows... I'm betting she isn't seeing much in that.
I'm a woman. An old woman. But I know that girls these days have a lot in common with girls in my day.
How about asking her if anything I said is true or not?

dave1219 · Nov 4, 2013, 09:11 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

'... recently she got mad because I canceled on her to hang out and... '

I'm afraid that you just aren't getting the picture of yourself that others see. Parents loving you, her parents loving you, has NOTHING to do with saving money and planning for a life on your own. I could be wrong about her, because she isn't here, but I'll bet I'm not far from the truth. You are still a kid living day to day, hanging out, maybe preferring computer games to a lot of other things, who knows... I'm betting she isn't seeing much in that.
I'm a woman. An old woman. But I know that girls these days have a lot in common with girls in my day.
How about asking her if anything I said is true or not?

Here's the thing with that which I've been trying to say me and her have agreed to one day move in together snad start a family but right now isn't the time because we are too young for that but we would like for all that too happen when the time is right I think your saying because we agree on that we HAVE to save money and all that but like I said we both are on the same page and agreed that down the line if it were too happen we would like that but And yes the parents or any one for that matter doesn't choose to keep us together only us and we understand that all this happened Friday and I haven't seen or talked to her since she doesn't want me to she said she just needs space that's all and on top of that she hasn't given me a time frame so leaves me even more clueless

joypulv · Nov 4, 2013, 09:21 AM

I give up. You aren't hearing my meaning at all.
Now you wait. You don't call, text, email, knock, or follow her.

(I think she is now older than you.. )

mmresd · Nov 5, 2013, 05:08 PM

Regardless of the numerous and I mean... numerous detail you have shared with us, when a female breaks up with you to find herself. It means she is breaking up with you, of course, and that she wants you to feel the least amount bad about it. So respect her wish to break up and start healing, I hope writing this out has been therapeutically relaxing for you and that will do tons of good.