[roguehunter]

I very sad and confused. I met someone nearly nine months ago and we hit it off straight away via Internet and phone at first and when we met it was good too. I think we were both nervous etc. He lives an hour away so at the moment distance hasn't been good but I try to go there every 2 weeks I would go weekly but he doesn't want me too. He asked me to be his girlfriend 6 weeks into dating. Money has been a problem and going out to places that way but we always managed to try and do things together no matter what. We speak on the phone every day only not talked may be 4 times in all that 9 months.

We talked about our future etc and plans a little but life's been harder for him this month and he's worrying this week he may have to leave his flat. He also has S.A.D. Seasonal Affective Disorder which he suffers with and winters hitting and he gets depressed so nothing is helping.

Yesterday he phoned and like usual we spoke for over 3 hours and said good bye. Latter I put a comment on Facebook and he replied it seemed a little off couldn't understand? We typed for a while an hour or two laughing etc but then something I didn't understand in general and he was trying to explain to me and he just said " LOL, I feel like I have to explain everything." "I'm done here, we can still be friends". I don't understand any of it. I tried to talk to him but he just wanted to go, yet after going he was coming back on Facebook 30 minutes latter? Twice? (He had been drinking too.)

I've been in a state. I love him and he hasn't called me today at all. I don't know what to do. I'm confused cause for months he says the only good thing in his life is me, just job and money and everything else is bad. I know he's down with it all, I've borrowed him money I could and tried to be there for him but don't know what to really do to help. I love him and don't want to lose him. Please help. What should I do to get him back and I thought he really wanted us, I guess I'm also worried cause when we first started talking it was great but a few weeks in I told him of a bad break up I had just been in and said how upset I was cause that person dumped me by text. He then sent an unusual text at 10 am saying that I was dumped. At first I though he was joking (but cruel joke) he always banters and jokes. He latter couldn't talk to me so I said he wasn't fair and finally he talked and explained that he had sad and blamed it on that and it had never happened like that before and he was sorry. He couldn't explain why he did it? So I don't know what's GOING ON NOW. IS IT THIS SAD OR has he gone off me but if he had gone off me why ring me almost every day and speak to me every day and say that I'm the only good thing in his life? Please help me understand thanks.

From lonely and depressed x

[Oliver2011]

Rushed relationship most of the time equal failed relationships. That is why it is important to take your time getting to know someone first. 6 weeks of dating when you only see each other every other week is too fast to know someone well enough to be their girlfriend or not.

From what you have described, and granted it is just your take on things, he seems a little on the flakey side. But he did say he was done so you better move on and just forget about that one.

[joypulv]

I imagine that it's difficult for him to love you when he doesn't love himself. He has financial, emotional, and alcohol problems, and they are NOT your problems or because of you. He probably had high hopes that this new relationship with you would drag him up out of his depression - but life doesn't work that way. He has to work on himself first.
Oh, and stop giving him money. It's just making things worse. Man or woman, people need to get out of their own messes, or they lose self respect.
Tell him that you expect to be repaid, that you wish him well, that you understand he has to work on himself by himself, and that you are moving on, but will be there for him remotely, as a friend only. If he can't handle that, break off all contact.
This won't get better, only worse, if you don't.

[Jake2008]

It sounds to me to be very one sided.

He needs you. He sounds very needy, for whatever problems he may have.

He also sounds rude and disrespectful, also regardless of what problems he has.

You should be able to understand him, and not play games trying to read between the lines, only for him to tell you that he 'has to explain everything'.

He sounds like he takes a lot from you, relies on you, depends on you to take whatever he dishes out, and backs off completely when you need some sense of what the heck he's talking about, or what he means by what he says.

I would back off.

When he can show a little more regard to your thoughts and feelings, and have a normal, adult conversation (let alone a conversation about being a boyfriend/girlfriend), then go very, very cautiously.

I don't see this getting better until you take charge of what you will accept, as far as him dishing out whatever he pleases.

And, don't loan him money!

[roguehunter]

Thanks, I'm really confused regarding all of this and I know he's depressed with losing his flat and a lot of other stuff etc... it was a decision he had to make this week...
This is the first time he's ever acted this way so confuses me even more but I've tried calling today not sure if he was in but never answered and text him saying "i hope ur ok? i really care for you, plz we need to talk..love lonely" I know he can't text back but when I tried his house phone he's engaged? Not long after...
I know he's going out tomorrow for the night to a friends birthday party so guess I'm worried he could end up with some one else etc...
I feel we need to talk, worried he may leave the flat and I won't be able to get hold of him again and he owes me money... yes most of us would think the worst but if you really knew this guy you wudent think it really I'm 42 an he's 36 and I've had a lot of bad men in my life so I guess I've experienced a lot and learnt.. but I thought we were going to be together forever and now I don't know if anything was true? I can't eat, sleep I'm crying all the time and suffer bad with depression myself when things like this happen to me... please what should I do.. So confused thanks for all your help...

Lonely

[talaniman]

This fellow has many issues he needs to deal with and only he can but what you must do to protect yourself is to put your foot down and tell him to leave you alone. You may be a light in his dark life but he is a darkness in yours so protect yourself from him.

Sorry, I know you have had bad luck with guys, but he isn't an improvement.

[joypulv]

To be blunt, do you think he is ignoring you because you didn't ask him to move in with you?

[mmresd]

It seems to be a fairly simply situation. He wanted someone, and then he didn't, and when he didn't anymore he let you know. It is a break up, take it as such and start moving on.