[Astray]

Hello, my name is Kyle and I'm 16 years old, and lately I've been having quite a bit of girlfriend trouble (She's almost 16). My girlfriend and I used to get along great, and we spent quite a decent amount of time together, but I noticed that she didn't really seem to want or liked to spend time with me, so I confronted her about it. At first she didn't really give me an answer, it was very vague, and often had to do with what other people thought of me, which has never been really good for some reason. Emotionally, the relationship seemed to be going fine, but the physical part wasn't going very well at all, and it took me awhile but I finally got her to say why. Her answer was that she didn't like me, or being around me because I was "Lazy, unmovtivated, socially inept, clumsy, and unattractive." When I started asking her why she thought this, she never gave me an answer. So I kept digging until she eventually just said "f*** this" and she said that she wanted to take a break. Because I didn't think I was any of the things she called me, I had no idea why she thought that, so I wanted to know why so I could attempt to fix the problem(s). At that thought, she just called me hopeless because I couldn't figure out how to fix the problem on my own, and that it was pointless to even attempt in doing so.

So now we're currently not together as a couple, but we still love each other a lot, and I want to be with her, but I also want to know why we she thinks of me like that. I'm not physically unattractive (Picture), but I know that I appear a little boyish because I'm a late bloomer, like my dad. I'm usually very busy school and I don't really attempt to hang out with friends that much. As it stands now, she said she'd get back together with me once she was attracted enough to me to call me her boyfriend.

If anyone could give me any insight as to what she is thinking right now, and what I could do to remedy this problem, that'd be great. She's my first girlfriend, and I'd rather not have it end this way. If I am giving off signals to other people that make me appear to be what she said to me, I'd like to fix them if only for my own sake, because those things are not the types of vibes I want to be giving off to people. I realize that I'm a pretty lazy person, I procrastinate a lot of my school work, and I don't really try to make friends. I've always been a loner throughout my life and I've never really had a great amount of friends. If you could tell me how to appear more confident and friendly to people, I'd like to know that as well.

Thanks so much for your time,
~Kyle ^_^

[sypher373]

About not being so lazy and being a little more motivated to make friends and such, I can't say too much, but I am certain that many of the people on this site will have great advice for you.

One thing I want to mention to you, is that if your girlfriend is saying those things about you, it sounds as if she isn't ready for a relationship as it is. That she would say "We can be back together when I am attracted enough to you to call you my boyfriend" makes me angry, and I don't even know either of you. That is an extremely shallow thing to say, and I honestly don't think it is worth your time to try and prove yourself to her. What you should be looking for is someone who accepts you for who you are, at least physically. The laziness and motivation can be fixed with work and a conscious effort, but the way you look is out of your control.

I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but you must see that how she acts towards you isn't appreciative. Obviously, I don't know the whole story, but that's my take on the info you provided.

[Astray]

Okay, I did a bit more digging and found out that what she really doesn't like is my laziness, the other things are just results of the laziness. Oh, and I forgot to mention that her and I keep the emotional and physical parts of the relationship pretty much separate. So basically we're taking a break with the physical relationship, but the mental part is still the same. I've always known that she is very shallow person, but I also know that no one is perfect, so I just accepted it and hoped that it wouldn't be a problem, but I was wrong xD.

About the idea that I'd be proving myself to her: I would only be improving myself for myself, and no one else. If she comes running back for me after that and I want to be with still, then I guess that's a bonus. If I don't, then that's her problem. Right now I'm angry with her, but I'm also trying to be understanding so I can understand where she is coming from, and I can't help that, it's just the way I am. I'm a very reasonable person, and I always try to figure out the logistics of things. During the first couple months, she was nothing like this, and I only started hearing about it when I heard her talking about how her friends were saying crap about me. I think her friends' opinions influenced her actions a lot because she isn't very good with peer pressure.

[mckenzie134]

don't worry about this girl mate, I will tell you now you will have many more girls than this one over the years. Don't even think about it just blow it off I know its not easy I'm 28 now and I've had 2 major 3 year relationships and both ended. When I was 17 I had a girlfriend and thought she was the best thing in the world and when she dumped me I couldn't believe it we were together for three months. Now when I look at it I'm glad we wernt together forever cause there nothing better than having some time on your own going out with your friends and having a laugh and a good time. =Even if you find you haven't got a lot of friends right now things will change. I didn't bellieve it when someone told me this when I was your age but they definitely do. You will be right it may take time but I promise you should not lose a minute of your life over any girl, you must look after yourself and live for yourself.

[talaniman]

She was your first, accept that its over and move on. There will be others so don't get stuck on a lost cause, as this relationship has too much going against it. Not your fault so don't take it personally, she is just not into it anymore, for whatever reason. Move on.

[Astray]

Thanks for your answers to the girlfriend problem guys, but would still mind answering my question about how to seem less lazy and friendly to people?

[talaniman]

I would have to know a lot more to answer that.

[curlycheer]

Personally, I think this girl sounds like a dueschbag if you want me to be blunt about it. She sounds very immature and stupid and you don't want to be with somebody like that. You may think that you guys are in love, but it must be infatuation because if she really loved you and cared about you, she wouldn't be saying that stupid shiit to you at all. Move on... be done with her... sorry if I was so blunt, but she is just ridiculous.

[Ayushari]

Dude What the **** is your Problem..?. COme on Be a man... This is so clear what is the problem... why not you can see it..?. Nw I tell u... The problem Is, Your Girlfriend is Social PHobic... She doesn't need a man For herself... She need a man for People around Her... She doesn't love you... Because she cannot love anybody... until or unless he is a superstar or Very very Famous in the Eyes of other People... So all she care about not her man but about people and because you doesn't have so much friends... she thinks you are not that much Famous... She is just a bloody Show off... DO u want This kind of CHICK in your Life..?. COme on MOve on... Find another better one... Dnt torture your mind with this ****... and b Happy... ;-D

[Ayushari]

ND dude 1 more thing you are not at all unatrractive... ;-D