[eme30]

Hello everyone.

Me and my boyfriend got into misunderstanding last Thursday. I'm working as a nurse and it was my day off on Wednesday. One of my friends called me on phone saying that her mom is sick and she wanted me to check her mom blood pressure. So I went to my friend place and check my moms friend blood pressure and I stayed for a while until she get a bit better. Before I left my place I inform my boyfriend that I'm going to check my friend mom. Then before my friend drop me back home, we passed by at the mall to grab some lunch, and my friend took me a picture for fun you know, and when I get home, I sent message to my boyfriend that I got home. By the way my boyfriend is now in Australia.

Then on Thursday my boyfriend was so mad at me because he said someone sent him my picture and saying that I was doing shopping on the mall and having fun on Wednesday (which I went to my friend place to check up her mom blood pressure). The thing is now my boyfriend saying that I was doing shopping that day and I never go to my friend place to check her mom. Since then he get so upset and never talk to me until now. I explained and tell him exactly the truth but seem like he is saying that I lied to him which is I did not. He still upset with me till now.

What do you think should I do? I left him lots of messages still never reply me back. What else should I do? As far as I know I never lied to him. Someone trying to mess up with us?

Thanks for your time and advice.

[joypulv]

Dear darling bf: You are a complete idiot. Go stew in your untrusting, paranoid juices.
Love,
You

Why do you allow him to monitor your every move anyway?

[eme30]

Dear darling bf: You are a complete idiot. Go stew in your untrusting, paranoid juices.
Love,
You

Why do you allow him to monitor your every move anyway?

Thank you for your riply joypulv since he travels most of the time he wants me to inform him what ever I do on his absence to avoid any complication between us I just do what he want and I love him I just don't want any arguments with him.. but sometimes I'm sick of kind of situation like this.. I been honest and faithful to him but I don't know why he act like this way. Till now he never talked to me and I did not sent him message since yesterday as I'm also bit upset with him.. should I wait for him to talk to me or should I send him message or call him.. thank you

[Homegirl 50]

I would leave his jealous behind alone. Why should you check every move with him? Does he own you? I certainly would not call or message him.
I'd ask your girl friend if she sent the picture. How else would he have gotten it.
How long have you been dating and letting this guy control you? This relationship does not sound healthy.

[Wondergirl]

since he travels most of the time he wants me to inform him what ever I do on his absence to avoid any complication between us

Does HE inform you of every move HE makes while he travels? After all, he certainly doesn't want you to think he is doing something he shouldn't or having fun without you.

Please stop reporting back to him and allowing him to control you, even from a distance.

[eme30]

Does HE inform you of every move HE makes while he travels? After all, he certainly doesn't want you to think he is doing something he shouldn't or having fun without you.

Please stop reporting back to him and allowing him to control you, even from a distance.

Thank you all for opening up my mind toward this relation with him.. yeah mybe you all right I should stop reporting him all my moves as I know I'm not doing anything wrong... and I will not try to call or message him, I been dating this guy for more than a year now as from the start he's been alwys like this but I did not realized until now, and I'm bit tired the way he act like this. I just love him that's why I'm trying to have lots of patience on him. Thank you all.

[Wondergirl]

I just love him that's why I'm trying to have lots of patience on him. Thank you all.

You're welcome.

If he truly loves you, he will have lots of patience with you too and will want you to have an enjoyable life whether he is with you or not.

How much does he love you -- and how much does he love himself, that he is so insecure? Why is he so controlling and scared of things not going the way he wants them to?

[eme30]

You're welcome.

If he truly loves you, he will have lots of patience with you too and will want you to have an enjoyable life whether he is with you or not.

How much does he love you -- and how much does he love himself, that he is so insecure? Why is he so controlling and scared of things not going the way he wants them to?

I don't understand also why he act that way... and honestly whenever we got fight or arguments he alwys tells me that he'll end his life to prove how much he loves me and its just scared me that's why I'd rather shut up than to have arguments with him.

[Wondergirl]

I don't understand also why he act that way... and honestly whenever we got fight or arguments he alwys tells me that he'll end his life to prove how much he loves me and its just scared me that's why I'd rather shut up than to have arguments with him.

Ending his life will only prove he has mental problems. It has nothing to do with love. I've been told that too, and the guy never ended his life, but he did find another girlfriend whom he could control.

Have you ever thought of breaking up with him but were too scared to say that out loud or to do it? This is not a healthy relationship, you know.

[joypulv]

He'll kill himself to prove he loves you?

That's just all part of his manipulation. People who kill themselves aren't like this. They don't punish you by ignoring you after accusing you of something you didn't do, and who refuse to believe you.

He enjoys the power and control he has over you.
He's not thinking of your pain, only himself.
He's insecure. He found you, who he managed to make insecure. Somehow I don't think you really are the insecure type. You have a good career and can make any life for yourself that you want. He knows that and doesn't like it.

Do you love him, or do you love what you think he was?
Don't cling to a memory that isn't even real.

[eme30]

Ending his life will only prove he has mental problems. It has nothing to do with love. I've been told that too, and the guy never ended his life, but he did find another girlfriend whom he could control.

Have you ever thought of breaking up with him but were too scared to say that out loud or to do it? This is not a healthy relationship, you know.

I love him and I know he got this emotional thing because his girl friend I mean his girl friend before me she passed away 4 years ago and he been suffering a lot and he trying to move on until he meet me, now we are together I don't know if this is something to do with his past relation, I mean the way he act with me now.

[Homegirl 50]

This man has issues and is manipulating you. That does not sound like love to me.
You say you love him but love is not enough to stay in a bad situation.
You need to leave this guy. He will make your life hell if you stay with him because it will only get worse.

Quote:

Originally Posted by eme30 View Post
I love him and I know he got this emotional thing because his girl friend I mean his girl friend before me she passed away 4 years ago and he been suffering a lot and he trying to move on until he meet me, now we are together I don't know if this is something to do with his past relation, I mean the way he act with me now.

It could very well have something to do with how he is with you, but it is not healthy for either of you. Stop reporting to him and talk to him about getting help. This manipulation thing he does is not right. It is not fair to you. He is not emotionally ready for a relationship.

[odinn7]

Ok, so far everyone that has responded here is a woman. Let me tell you how I view this from a mans standpoint...

YOUR BF IS AN IDIOT

He is trying to control you and he's not even near you. What's the difference if you went shopping, who cares?

Tell him he's a jerk and you're not going to put up with being treated like that... then, the next time he does it, don't sit there and try to explain yourself and apologize... just tell him you're done dealing with an immature a-hole and you're done being treated like a piece of property... and therefore, that means that you are done dealing with him... then break up with him.

Actually, if it was me, I'd be doing that now.

EDIT- Oh, and STOP making excuses for him and the way he treats you.

[Wondergirl]

It could very well have something to do with how he is with you, but it is not healthy for either of you. Stop reporting to him and talk to him about getting help. This manipulation thing he does is not right. It is not fair to you. He is not emotionally ready for a relationship.

I agree. He undoubtedly has not worked through his grief over losing his girlfriend four years ago (he felt abandoned and doesn't want it to happen again?). Or maybe there are more abandonments or losses in his background that have made him so insecure. How is his relationship with his parents, in particular, his father? Yes, he definitely needs to find a good counselor to help him.

[eme30]

It could very well have something to do with how he is with you, but it is not healthy for either of you. Stop reporting to him and talk to him about getting help. This manipulation thing he does is not right. It is not fair to you. He is not emotionally ready for a relationship.

Thank you so much for advice, yeah I should think about all this. Mybe I should just leave him alone and concentrate on my work for a moment I need to clear up my mind also towards this as we planning to get married by next year so I should probably think this over and make decision. Thank you so much everyone for helping me out.

He'll kill himself to prove he loves you?

That's just all part of his manipulation. People who kill themselves aren't like this. They don't punish you by ignoring you after accusing you of something you didn't do, and who refuse to believe you.

He enjoys the power and control he has over you.
He's not thinking of your pain, only himself.
He's insecure. He found you, who he managed to make insecure. Somehow I don't think you really are the insecure type. You have a good career and can make any life for yourself that you want. He knows that and doesn't like it.

Do you love him, or do you love what you think he was?
Don't cling to a memory that isn't even real.

U are actually right joypulv he's been asking me to quit my job since like 6 months ago but I told him I have a contract to finish..

[Homegirl 50]

You certainly should not marry this guy. He sounds like a control freak and they are no fun.

[joypulv]

Nurses are in high demand (in many parts of the world).
Where would you work next, if you could go anywhere?
What's your home country?

[eme30]

Nurses are in high demand (in many parts of the world).
Where would you work next, if you could go anywhere?
What's your home country?

As of now I been 5 years working as a nurse in one of the hospital here in Dubai,
And I was applying in U.K while waiting until I finished my contract and visa here in Dubai, but my boy friend asking me to stop working as we planning to get married by next year, but now I'm not sure if I still want to marry him mybe I should just go on with my plans and consider working in U.K as I have my auntie who can help me in there she works as a nures too..

[Cat1864]

eme, his issues are his to deal with, not yours. You can give him support while he gets help and works through his problems, but you cannot be responsible for fixing them or making it easier for him to live with them.

If he won't take the responsibility of working on his problems, then you need to think of your own well-being and walk away.

I am almost willing to bet that the more you give in to his requests for information the more he demands from you. That is not healthy for you or him. You both should have interests, friends and hobbies outside the relationship that allow you to bring new energy into the relationship. You should be able to share stories of your outings because you want to tell him not because he will think the worst of you if you don't.

There is a huge difference between letting someone know what your general plans are for safety reasons and having to provide an itinerary to show where you are and have been.

I am going to suggest you think about how you really feel about him. Do you love him or the idea of being in a relationship? Have you been so caught up in trying to keep him happy that you may have missed your feelings changing?

[eme30]

eme, his issues are his to deal with, not yours. You can give him support while he gets help and works through his problems, but you cannot be responsible for fixing them or making it easier for him to live with them.

If he won't take the responsibility of working on his problems, then you need to think of your own well-being and walk away.

I am almost willing to bet that the more you give in to his requests for information the more he demands from you. That is not healthy for you or him. You both should have interests, friends and hobbies outside the relationship that allow you to bring new energy into the relationship. You should be able to share stories of your outings because you want to tell him not because he will think the worst of you if you don't.

There is a huge difference between letting someone know what your general plans are for safety reasons and having to provide an itinerary to show where you are and have been.

I am going to suggest you think about how you really feel about him. Do you love him or the idea of being in a relationship? Have you been so caught up in trying to keep him happy that you may have missed your feelings changing?

I actually really love him, that's why I am the one making an adjustment towards our relation, I alwys try to understands him but sometimes it makes me tired the way he act like this to me, whenever he is away I spend all of my time talking to him online so he won't feel being alone, as he alwys mentioned to me that's he's been alone since his girl friend passed away 4 years ago, even at night I only sleep for like 4 hours as he wants me to spend time with him as u know time difference but I did not mind at all sleeping late.. I'm just doing my best for him but it looks like he is controlling me much. Thank you