[jdbelet]

My bio dad and mom were married. They divorced when I was 3. He is from New York and my mom took me to Louisiana where she is from. When I was 7, my bio dad relinquished his rights' and I was legally adopted by my mom's new husband. I have always been in touch with my bio dad, Grandma, and family for the most part. My stepdad never treated me like I was his own but he was a great male role model. I was adopted for tax purposes. They had 3 kids together. They are still married 30 years later. Its been hard growing up with someone else's last name and not fitting in with the half brothers and sisters. My bio family has a lot of money millionaires. My step family has money as well. Its not fair that I was adopted at 7 and had no control what so ever. At 37, I want my bio name back. I want my name back because its me for 1 and also my dad has gone my entire with a free ride of raising a child. Hes not going to adopt me back at 37. My step dad isn't putting me in his will mainly because of his bio children with my mom. So am I basically screwed in regards to an inheritance from both my step dad in Louisiana and my bio dad in New York because my mom had my step dad legally adopt me at 7 yrs old? Thank you for any and all advice.

[J_9]

At 37 you can go to court to have your name legally changed.

[jdbelet]

Sorry I didn't make my question clear, So do I have any rights in Louisiana to an inheritance from my adopted dad? If I change my name back to my bio name, would I have rights to inheritance from my bio dad? Or I am I screwed from inheritance from either one because I was adopted at 7 ?

[jdbelet]

My bio dad is from New York.

[Alty]

Does your mom know that your step dad hasn't added you to his will? Has your mom added you?

At 7 you had no right to contest your adoption. Your bio dad gave up his rights, your step dad adopted you and took on all parental obligations. Your bio dad may be your bio dad, but he gave up his rights to be your dad as soon as he signed the papers so your step dad could adopt.

At 37, I want my bio name back.

If that's all you want, that's easy. Changing your name isn't a big deal. Pick any name you want. Princess Counsuela Bananahamock if that strikes your fancy.

Hes not going to adopt me back at 37. My step dad isn't putting me in his will mainly because of his bio children with my mom. So am I basically screwed in regards to an inheritance from both my step dad in Louisiana and my bio dad in New York because my mom had my step dad legally adopt me at 7 yrs old?

Ah, sounds like this is about money, not a name change.

So I'm back to my original question. What does mom think about daddy (he adopted you so he's daddy, not step dad) not including you in his will? Does mommy include you in hers?

[Alty]

Sorry I didnt make my question clear, So do I have any rights in Louisiana to an inheritence from my adopted dad? If I change my name back to my bio name, would I have rights to inheritence from my bio dad? Or I am I screwed from inheritence from either one because I was adopted at 7 ?

Changing your name back to the name of your bio dad, doesn't mean you'll inherit when he dies. He would have to include you in his will for you to inherit.

[jdbelet]

It is about money. Of course it is. However, its not like I sit around and dwell on it. Its also about the weirdness of growing up with people who are clearly not the same as you and feeling weird your entire life and them constantly reminding you that you are in fact a step child. My mom has no money. My step dad supported her. Hes going to inherit from his family. I mean why should I feel bad being concerned that I have two wealthy dads and if I'm going to be left something or not when in fact they were left an inheritance and I had zero control over what happened when I was 7 ? Why should I even be concerned whether my mom put me in her will? I have a rich bio dad, and the man who gave me his last name at 7 (for tax purposes) is rich as well. Is there even a problem me with wondering about this? Am I wrong? Especially since I'm the one to grow up without my dad and then taking on another man's name for a tax break and feeling weird because like I said before, I am clearly not of any relation.

[jdbelet]

So basically, because another man adopted me at 7, I am screwed from inheritance from both my rich bio dad and my rich stepdad unless they specifically include me?

[jdbelet]

And he's not daddy, they have made it very clear that I was adopted for tax purposes and I am not their blood or his real kid and that they made a mistake not knowing the laws on adoption because if they would have, he would have never done it.

[joypulv]

I'm sorry you are in this limbo, but are you sure of what you fear will happen?
Your adopted father has told you that you aren't in his will?
For one thing, most couples leave their estate to their spouse first if still alive, so if your father dies first, isn't it likely that your mother will inherit?
And are you assuming that your bio dad is going to cut you out too? Did he remarry, and did he have more children?

You are free to change your name for a fee (and a background check to make sure you aren't trying to hide anything, and probably a 2 minute hearing with a judge). A name change has zero effect on inheritance, will or no will.

'Fair' isn't a requirement of wills. Countless children discover to their horror that a parent left everything to a new spouse and they couldn't even get family heirlooms and mementos, never mind money and houses. Happens every day. Could even happen to you, given that both parents are alive - one of your parents could die and the other remarry, die, and the new spouse gets left everything.

Another thing about wills is that they are mere scraps of paper until the person dies. Until that instant, they can be torn up and rewritten.

And finally, don't confuse state laws regarding those who die without a will ('intestate') with those who do leave a will. Intestate laws only apply if there is no will.

You may still be bitter about your life, but you have time to come to terms with all the people in both families with understanding, regardless of whether you are left with an inheritance. There is no point in even anticipating what might happen, because you don't know who is going to die when and what their plans will be at the end. I find it a bit odd that you talk about your mother as 'they' along with your father and the rest of his family. Aren't they the ones acting this way, not your mother?

[Alty]

Sounds like this is more about emotional issues. Yes, money comes into play, but at 37 you're either an adult, and self sufficient, or a drain on society. I think this is more about how you felt growing up. I think, based on what you posted, this is more about needing closure, about how you were made to feel, than it is about money.

Bottom line, your bio dad gave up his rights That means that he's no longer your dad. He owes you nothing, he doesn't have to include you in anything. The man that adopted you took on that responsibility when you were 7. Your bio dad gave up his rights as your dad. That includes any financial obligation to you. Bio dad owes you nothing.

So the man that adopted you is your father, for all legal intents and purposes. If he hasn't included you in his will, you may have grounds to contest, since he is your father legally.

Doesn't matter that he wouldn't have done it had he known what his responsibility was when he did. He did it, so he's your father. Even if he wasn't much of a father. He took you on as his child, legally, when he adopted you.

If the money matters to you this much, I'd consult a lawyer and have it all straightened out before step daddy croaks.

[jdbelet]

Joypulv, that is the best advice I have ever gotten on this topic. Thank you so much! :) :). No neither parent has said anything about leaving me out the will. In fact, my mom says we all have equal shares (two half sisters and a half brother). The only problem is they have failed and are spoiled rotten and very codependent children (young adults in their 20's) and my step dad knows that unless they are secure finacially, they won't make it on their own. I however graduated with an associates in Psychology and I also just started RN school after completing two years of prereques. I am concerned because I am a single parent (have been raising my son by myself over five years now, he's 8) and more worried about having help when they pass and he gave me his name so. My bio dad has said on several occasions that he's going to leave me something. But the way I've been treated or the way I have perceived the treatment, conflicts with the words from them, so, I'm doing research on the laws and my rights rather sooner than later.

[jdbelet]

Alty, great advice as well :) :) thank you so much! My stepdad is a great man. He took care great care of his bio children. He loves my mom. He was a great role model. Cldnt have asked for a better role model or better yet, it cldve been worse. I do love him like he's my real even though they (him and his bio kids with my mom) has let me know on several occasions that I'm not blood.
I just think its crap that a child has no control in this situation because I know that New York state law that if I wasn't adopted, everything from my bio dad would go to me. Hes never had anymore kids, I'm his only child. Where as my step dad has three plus me. The laws need to be changed. I should be able to inherit from both. I couldn't care less about me because I'm getting mine. But I'm raising a child by myself and I know the money they have and my son I should set for life when they pass. In the meantime, I'm going to keep going. I served six in the Navy. I graduated with an associates, I completed my RN prereques and now I'm in Nursing school and I've also raised my son by myself over five years now. I have never gotten a so much as a foodstamp. Both my bio fam and step dad have helped (rare) but have helped. I just want to know that's all.

[joypulv]

Much as the alienation in your adopted family must leave an empty feeling in you, at least you have developed a sense of self and self sufficiency that your siblings don't have. It sounds like they have a lot to learn, and may think that they can just wait for dad's ship to come in. Rude shock to them if he decides to not shell out a penny to any child until his death - and if your mother survives him, she may hang onto the money until she dies.
I scraped by my whole life until I inherited a bit 2 years ago - at the age of 64! And I wasn't even counting on a dime, because my dad got a younger girlfriend at the age of 90, and she wanted to get married.
This is life. It's their money, not ours.

"I know that New York state law that if I wasnt adopted, everything from my bio dad would go to me"
Again - that is intestate law, and wills trump those laws. You are mixing the two, and you can't do that.

[J_9]

I applaud you for achieving your degree in psychology and going back to school for RN. I'm an RN, by the way, but once a parent relinquishes their parental rights, as your bio father did, then he is no longer required to provide for you from the day he relinquished those rights until the day he dies. From that day forward he is no longer responsible for you.

You seem very bitter. Very angry. Maybe it's time for you to receive counseling in order to better deal with your issues of being relinquished and then adopted.

[jdbelet]

I am bitter. My bio grandma (91) flew here Thurs and thank God my son got to meet his great grandma and they stayed at a 400 dollar a night hotel. We went and had lunch with them two days ago and the topic of conversation from my Uncle and some others was how they are going to make their next million, here I am single parent over five years now, struggling college student one step from being homeless and they are talking about making their next million. So yeah, I was fine up until two days ago. Also the pain that I feel that this was probably the last time I will ever see my grandma (she has always been there for me) again has me freaking out I've been crying. Im pissed at my bio dad and mom. They left back to New York today. I don't need counseling. Ill get over it its just very recent.

[jdbelet]

Not my mom left for New York (shes here, sorry I wrote that wrong) but my bio grandma and them...

[jdbelet]

The door was opened when they flew down here two days ago. I was fine, achieving what I could, raising my son the best way I know how. Now I'm dying inside because yeah granted, I was adopted and my dad no longer has ties, regardless, they are still my DNA my genes, my blood, we are all so similar, and never growing up around similar and then after all these years I get to hug my grandma and she gets to meet her grandson and he finally gets to meet his blood. How would you feel? Do I really need counseling? Those 3 hours I had with them and every other time before I've been able to see them and hug, since childhood, I actually felt whole and not weird inside and then bam, back to reality.

[J_9]

I disagree that you don't need counseling. You need it seriously. You need it to learn how to deal with your feelings of abandonment by your biological father. You need it to deal with your feelings of feeling as though you are an outsider with the rest of your family.

I don't mean this disrespectfully, but you are the poster child for counseling. Counseling could help you with your feeling of abandonment and guide you in the right direction with the fear of losing out when your parents, yes, your adoptive father is your parent, passes away.

[joypulv]

I have twice in my life borrowed 30K from my parents to buy a home, first a condo and then a house. Each time I paid it back monthly with interest, using rates set by the IRS ('intra-family loan rate'), and the balance after I sold each place. Why not ask for a loan? Rates are so low now that the intra-family rate is probably practically zero.
Your bio relatives may have no clue that you are not getting help from your adopted father.