[samieet]

Hi! I'm new to this website and I thought it would help my question.

I don't know but I get treated like a slave sometimes in my family :/ I'm the second oldest in the family, and I do everything! Chores, babysitting, cooking, everything like I'm the mother of the family! My oldest sister does nothing, she doesn't even do one single dish in the sink, and everything is left to me to do.

Sometimes I have a lot of homework to do and they're due in like a week and when I don't have time to do it. I feel pressured and depressed. My heart hurts and I cry because my mom expects me to have at least 5 A's and I'm only in year 10. To top that off my parents always argue about money, it's like that's the only problem in the household. They always fight and ask each other for divorce and every time that happens I get a massive fit to the extent that it's hard for me to breath.

There are so many other problems that's put on my shoulder and I can't do anything. I can't let them see me cry, I can't shout, I can't go out with my friends. I can't do anything, I feel really frustrated when I'm around them or even at home. Please help me. I don't know what do, and I can't talk to them seriously because I have tried and they don't even give a crap about my problems. In other word they don't take me seriously and I end up being scolded for being annoying. :(

[joypulv]

I can relate to some of what you are going through, although I think your life is worse. And for me, it was 50 years ago.
Find a calm moment and tell your parents that you want a chore chart for you and your sister, with equal division of work.
STAY AWAY when they fight. I know how awful that is, but there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Usually fights and threats of divorce are just letting off steam. When you are an adult you will understand the worries of having money problems, especially with a lot of kids.
How old are you and your sister?

[samieet]

I'm 15.. my older sis is 20 and the other two that I'm babysitting is 5 and 3... the chart never worked because my sister does not follow them only I do and my mother doesn't care when I told her that my older sister is doing nothing.. because my parents work at the farm, they come home late and expects everything is be well cleaned and dinner on the table and the kids all showered and fed and that's all on me plus I had school work.. when they hear me yapping about the unfaireness of the chores they just shifted me aside. Though they wouldn't have done the same if it was my sister :(

[joypulv]

What does your older sister do all day? Job, school, anything?
Somehow we have to help you convince her and your parents that the work has to be shared. Or does she feel that she did all this work when you were too young, and now she gets to have a break?

[Jake2008]

Do another chart of chores, and put it on a calendar, and put the calendar on the fridge.

Don't do her chores, let her answer to that.

You can only do so much, and it sounds like you have a tremendous burden to carry in the household.

Running away is not the answer, you will do far better to put that negative energy of taking off, into working on change instead. You already know what doesn't work when you speak up, now to find a way to make it work. Remember to put 'homework' in a prominent spot on the calendar, because that has to come first. Your education will eventually pay off down the road.

If there is a teacher, or relative that would be willing to listen to you, and then talk to your parents on your behalf, enlist their help. Somebody needs to back you up.

And keep a diary. Every day, write down exactly what you do, and include that information when a serious sit down talk can happen with your parents.

Seeing what is going on in even a diary, makes it harder to ignore.

I think it is also likely that your sister is impossible to motivate, so your parents have given up. IF that is the case, no wonder they count on you so much. But, your sister is not your problem, she is their problem.

[talaniman]

Ignore your sister, and act as if she doesn't exist and carry out your duties to the best of your abilities and even devise strategies that get things done efficiently. Yes it's a lot of responsibility for a 15 ear old, and I suspect your sister had the same thing when she was 15.

Regardless of the challenge, and it's a huge challenge, I think you need an adult to talk to, probably a respected teacher, or school counselor to air your concerns and complaints and help you with some coping strategies to get through this period of your life.

Running away is not the answer since you have no where to go, nor can you support yourself very well, so let a responsible respected adult help you. Seems like a dead end for now but in 3 short years the decisions and choices about what to do will be your own, and that's what you should be planning for.

[samieet]

What does your older sister do all day? Job, school, anything?
Somehow we have to help you convince her and your parents that the work has to be shared. Or does she feel that she did all this work when you were too young, and now she gets to have a break?

She's at uni now, but when she was my age, she didn't do all that since back then we lived with our grandparents, so she didn't cook, or clean and plus my mom was a stay at home mom back then so she did all the work. And my mom told me that I need to do it since my sister is in a really difficult stage of high school, which was year 12.. but she repeated year 12 and now that she's in uni.. I've been doing all of that for 2 and a half years.

[samieet]

Do another chart of chores, and put it on a calendar, and put the calendar on the fridge.

Don't do her chores, let her answer to that.

You can only do so much, and it sounds like you have a tremendous burden to carry in the household.

Running away is not the answer, you will do far better to put that negative energy of taking off, into working on change instead. You already know what doesn't work when you speak up, now to find a way to make it work. Remember to put 'homework' in a prominent spot on the calendar, because that has to come first. Your education will eventually pay off down the road.

If there is a teacher, or relative that would be willing to listen to you, and then talk to your parents on your behalf, enlist their help. Somebody needs to back you up.

And keep a diary. Every day, write down exactly what you do, and include that information when a serious sit down talk can happen with your parents.

Seeing what is going on in even a diary, makes it harder to ignore.

I think it is also likely that your sister is impossible to motivate, so your parents have given up. IF that is the case, no wonder they count on you so much. But, your sister is not your problem, she is their problem.

Thank you :) I think 'll keep a diary and show it to them that I have done too much work.

[samieet]

Ignore your sister, and act as if she doesn't exist and carry out your duties to the best of your abilities and even devise strategies that get things done efficiently. Yes its a lot of responsibility for a 15 ear old, and I suspect your sister had the same thing when she was 15.

Regardless of the challenge, and its a huge challenge, I think you need an adult to talk to, probably a respected teacher, or school counselor to air your concerns and complaints and help you with some coping strategies to get thru this period of your life.

Running away is not the answer since you have no where to go, nor can you support yourself very well, so let a responsible respected adult help you. Seems like a dead end for now but in 3 short years the decisions and choices about what to do will be your own, and that's what you should be planning for.

I use to look up to her when I was small but now that she acts like she's the younger sibling... I don't know what to think anymore.. I guess relying on someone isn't very helpful.. I guess I'll just have to use my strength and keep going.. after all life isn't easy to live.. I just needed to let it out there so that I can feel better and get all of your support.. :) thank you for supporting me :)

[joypulv]

I wonder if they are favoring her because she repeated her last year of high school, and worry that she will flunk out of uni? Or if they think uni is more work than high school?

It would be nice if you could have a calm, rational talk with them. I realize that that is hard, when they are all wrapped up in their worries, and tired from a long work day.

I too agree that re-doing a chore chart and quietly insisting with your sister that she help might be your best option. That shows initiative on your part, and you can even say to your parents that you understand their problems too and are trying to help work this out on your own.

[talaniman]

It may well be your parents see you as more reliable and dependable than your sister, and don't want any excuse why she cannot succeed on her own in life. Parents often have different expectations for their kids, and put different burdens on them too.

We don't often know what goes into our parents thinking, but obviously they are working hard to get her through uni, and survive the best way they can.

[samieet]

I wonder if they are favoring her because she repeated her last year of high school, and worry that she will flunk out of uni? Or if they think uni is more work than high school?

It would be nice if you could have a calm, rational talk with them. I realize that that is hard, when they are all wrapped up in their worries, and tired from a long work day.

I too agree that re-doing a chore chart and quietly insisting with your sister that she help might be your best option. That shows initiative on your part, and you can even say to your parents that you understand their problems too and are trying to help work this out on your own.

Thank you :)