[Yusf]

My sister thinks she had been beautiful once but now has been deteriorated. Its true but not as much as she thinks. She is still beautiful but I can't make her believe it. I say that I will try every thing to make her look as she wants. But no use. She is now suffering inferiority complex and her life is becoming unbearable to her. I know she is still beautiful and I praise her a lot too. But no use. What should I do?

[joypulv]

Take her to a hospital, or a nursing home, or just out to a slum. Show her women who are disfigured, have lost limbs, been in accidents, have aged from hard work in the outdoors, are very fat or very skinny, who have lots of facial hair, no teeth, skin growths.

She can't be told she's beautiful. Beauty isn't her problem; it's her feelings of self worth as a human being. She needs to find out within herself what her life is all about. It sure as heck isn't beauty, any more than muscles and strength and thick hair and white teeth are for men.

[Yusf]

Thanks boss. But I did not understand the meaning of the last line.

[Wondergirl]

Thanks boss. But i didnot understand the meaning of the last line.

joypulv is saying that physical beauty is not your sister's problem. The problem is how happy she is inside. If she were happy with herself, having or losing physical beauty would not be a concern. Is a man's worth because of thick hair or white teeth or big muscles? If he doesn't have them or if he loses them, he is nothing and worthless?

How old is she?

[Yusf]

She is 20. I get it now. But what will I say to her to make her happy of herself? Thanks.

[Wondergirl]

She is 20. I get it now. But what will i say 2 her to make her happy of herself? Thanks.

Just between you and me, why does she think she is losing her physical beauty?

[Yusf]

Actually, she wants to resemble modern heroins. She is not fairer than she wants, unlike heroins, she wears specks, she doesnot hv thick hair, she is 5 ft. She wants to be taller. She looks younger than she is and hates it. I say her that every girl wants to hide their age, wants look young but no use. She was born beautiful. Even the doc n nurse was surprised. All started changing when my family parmanently shifted to Dinajpur from Dhaka.

[Wondergirl]

All started changing when my family parmanently shifted to Dinajpur from Dhaka.

Why did that make a difference?

[Jake2008]

I think it might be worth thinking about, for you to consider not worrying so much about her.

Also think about how your continuous concern is feeding into her inferiority complex as you called it.

As long as she has an audience (even of one), she will feel safe to continue to be critical of herself.

If there are no other problems other than her vanity, try to do other things when she decides to burden you with her 'faults'.

[Yusf]

To WG,because of the hot weather that doesn't suit her .recently there is mobile tower nearby that is emitting harmful radiation. That is causing hairfall and dark skin tone.

[Yusf]

Hey jakie, are you sure I must leave worrying about her? She used to tell them to me when she gets overwhelmed with frustation. She doesnot tell me anything now. She becomes sad when I tell her she looks beautiful, the dress suits her, or when I praise her. She thinks I , as a boy, donot know what female beauty is. And her jealous friends keeps hurting her. She accepts no logic given by me that support her looks.

[joypulv]

I guess you live in a part of the world where girls marry young.
Does she have enough education to get a job? Are marriages in your family arranged? Can she go to school? Does she go online to Facebook and other social sites, or sites like this one?

[Yusf]

Hi Joypulv. My sis is in hons 1st year. We live in bangladesh. Early marriage is not approved in our family. My sis doesnot use fb twitter etc. She goes to various coachings where she meets her mates who envy my sis and hurt her further. I thi nk she can take jobs in coaching centres but if it hinders her studies?

[joypulv]

Please, all this 'envy' just isn't believable. Envy her for what, her beauty? That can happen once or twice, but not by everybody all the time. Something else is going on, something you aren't noticing. Maybe she is so caught up in her looks that she isn't likable. Maybe she is so into herself that she doesn't care about other people. Maybe she complains about her looks in an attempt to get constant approval, and her friends are tired of it. And you are her enabler.

I have no idea; just a guess.

PS: coaching what?

[Yusf]

Please, you live in America or England. We live in Bangladesh. You hv a good image for friends. But here all are narrow minded people. My sis is the first girl in her university and I know it. She tells me, when the teacher announces that she stood the first, all express anger and disappointment. They say that they could not study for blah blah reasons. They never try to hear sth positive about my sis. These are signs of envy. And my sis can't lie. V r the pious Syed family (muslims). In the holy quran it is said that liers tongue will be burnt in fire in the grave. They are worse than non believers. My sis knows this. Friends are not the concern. Once sis bought a pair of specs. She was very happy of how she looked in the specs. But the nxt time in coaching, her friends told her that anyone can look good in specs, that's nothing good. Plus she looked silly in thoose specs. I know that's wrong. My sis looked great and every body told this. Don't u think they are envy? Now my wears them only when badly needed.

[Yusf]

She is a stud of national university. No good and efficient teachers r there. Some thus goes there. All take additional coaching where they learn instead of university. This open secret is the same for all towns like Dinajpur. Many stud attain university but NONE avoid coaching.

[J_9]

Yusf, do you understand what "envy" means? I think there is a communication barrier here.

Envy means that people are jealous of her, her beauty, her possessions, etc. That means that they wish they could be like her. It is a complement.

[Yusf]

Yes. What do the behaviour of her friends symbolize? Jealousy right? Whatever that's no prob. Only the 'always bad' comments from her friends make her worse. Envy or not, what am I going to say to my sis to make her feel good?

[J_9]

Honestly, you can't say or do anything to make her feel good. Feeling good has to come from inside. She has to feel good about herself. If she doesn't, there is nothing you can say or do that will change that.

[Yusf]

Really? Really? Nothing? NOTHING? She is my sis and I love her the most. I can do ANYTHING to help her. Ps think, check all your books internet, and say if there is ANYTHING to be done. You are the expert, my hope. Ps donot say no to me. Rmmbr there e is everything I can do for my sis. Wt is the use of all the talk then? :( ps read all that I wrote including the answers from other experts.