[926 teresa]

My adult daughter hates me. I have tried to do everything I know to get along with her. She only wants to have something to do with me when it comes to money. I paid for her bankruptcy, and then she turned on me again. Why, so she could have an excuse to not pay me back. She acted like she had changed and that is why I started back with her again. My oldest granddaughter is going around telling that she is going with a Jamaican drug dealer, I am afraid if it gets back to her boyfriend, he may put a contract out on her.

My daughter is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It is almost like I have snakes on me when I am around her. I know I have to forgive her. She blames me for the past, all the time bringing up my past, when she did the same and even worst. If it hadn't been for me and the other grandmother who took care of the two girls, she wouldn't have had them either. Anyway. She is telling people I did street drugs, that isn't true. I had a nervous breakdown and her father and stepmother took advantage of me and took them. They lied on me and told the kids that I did street drugs, and her father slept with the stepdaughters, this is really sick and I am tired of being lied on.

I am trying my best to forgive her, but I don't want anything else to do with her, she is evil, almost like she has two different personalities. She used to do drugs, and I think she is doing them again. I covered her when she was younger, and it was wrong, but she is very crafty, she had the men bring her drugs, so it would have been hard to prove.

[Jake2008]

I don't know how old your daughter is, but if she has teenage or older kids herself, no husband, and a destructive and dangerous lifestyle, you thinking she will forgive and like you, seems to me, to be at the bottom of the priority list.

Who is protecting the grandchildren? Where is the father? Are you concerned for their safety?

As to your daughter, it sounds like she is the product of both bad choices growing up, and bad parenting- i.e. you covering for her when she was doing drugs- Why did you do that, and if you were doing that, I doubt you had much of a grip on anything your daughter did.

You imply that she needs to forgive you, and forget the past, but, do you think the forgiveness needs to go both ways?

Because she is an adult, she is capable of making her own choices, and there is little you can do now to reverse the course she is on. Who knows how she would have turned out without help to purchase and use drugs with permission from you. It sounds like she still uses drugs, and is involved with dangerous people.

If she chooses to turn her life around, it will be under her own steam. I hope that your relationship with her will be helpful and supportive should she succeed in living a healthy, productive life.

But, her children need to come first.

[talaniman]

Nothing to forgive, but a lot to always be alert and protect yourself from. Her very presence is dangerous and poison to you.

[Fr_Chuck]

You do not forgive at this poitnt, she has not asked for forgiveness nor deserves it.

You break off all contact with her and do not help her until she has proven change with a year or two behavior that is different.

If the granddaughter is dating a drug dealer, she sadly gets what she deserves, ( sounds harsh but that is life) but if he is a dealer, I am sure everyone knows it anyway