[kazzz]

If he is making a go of it, do addicts normally get there old personality back,be as they were before they started the coke.

[Rockabilly1955mama]

Yes, true. Just let him go for awhile. Let him find himself without the drugs. When he's clean, try it again. You just got to be strong babydoll.

[J_9]

You shouldn't put yourself in a place where he has the opportunity to face you. No contact means just that, no contact. Only he can help himself, there is no one on the face of the planet that can help him, but him.

Most likely he is ashamed and embarrassed of what he has become. But if you leave him totally and completely alone, he may come to that conclusion on his own.

Do you see how his drug addiction is hurting you? Notice HIS addiction is hurting YOU.

He will never be cured. NEVER. Addiction is a life long battle.

Ask yourself if this is the life you want to live. Ponder that. Because if you stay with him one or more of a few things will happen:

You will become addicted
You will become abused, physically, emotionally or mentally
You will bury him.

I know those statements are hard to comprehend, but that is the reality of addiction.

He has to face this monster on his own now. He said his peace, so let him battle this without constantly hounding him to see if he is okay, to see if he needs anything, etc.

That just makes the battle harder to win.

[kazzz]

Thanks,as long as there is hope that he will be as he was I'm fine with that.

[J_9]

He will never be the same Kazzz, He is an addict, he will always be an addict. There will always be a craving for the drug.

Nothing in his life will ever be the same as it was before he became addicted.

[kazzz]

Really appreciate everyone's advice.still don't understand the full thing on addiction and stuff and ave read so much on it. Also if he was to see me, I know he would just throw his arms round me,because that's what he did before.but we do live far enough apart to not bump into each other. Except at the job centre,lol.I just want to slap him,shake him and say what the hell are you doing.I no that won't help but it would make me feel beta.thanx again all

[kazzz]

I understand that but because he is my first love guess I'm just really hopein that because he loved me before the coke that he will love me after the coke.

[J_9]

Hun, right now he just loves the coke. Leave him completely alone. Totally, completely. Let him get better by himself. You are only hindering him now, making it harder for him to get clean.

Go to an Al-Anon or Narc Anon meeting they will help you understand this much better.

[kazzz]

Sounds silly I no,but I would be prepared for every think just to be with him.

I will never be an addict I ave never been interested in even trying them because I no they destroy your life.most I've ever done is smoke fags,don't even drink sounds quite boring for a 23 year old really.lol

[kazzz]

Funny thing is I no most of what your all saying,and ave stopped all contact with him,its hard but I'm doing it.just makes a difference when other people say it.

[kazzz]

Thanks again all

[isabelle]

Quitting coke is not an easy thing to do, but you need to understand that you can not help him. The only thing is that you will go down with him. I am not trying to sound mean or heartless but how does you hitting bottom with him.. help it ? And that is what will happen.
Some things a person has got to do alone. After the signing into re-hab then perhaps your support will help him, but until he helps himself.. all you can do is stop seeing him or hit bottom with him.

[Samloveskyle]

You Only have one thing to do.. Chose do you think trying to help or even loving him will ever make him stop.. NO! It won't.. drugs are addictive and if he wanted to stop he could get help and he won't.. dont tell yourself he will change or he will stop.. because 9 times out of 10.. he won't.. Ive been through something kind of like this.. and if you want a life that doesn't involve drugs.. u have to get away from it... and realize there is something better out there you just haven't had time to find it yet

[kazzz]

Thanks and I do understand what you are all saying, I do believe though that he will get off it,if he isn't already.he been doc's and got anti-depressants and a number 4 counciling.dont no if he is going to it or taking the tablets but I do hope so.and I can't help but hang on to that 1% that he will change.it gets me through the day,so at the moment I got to do it.

[talaniman]

Oh kazzz, Please reconsider your last post and get a life that you enjoy without him, as he may never recover and if he does, it could take years before he can maintain his recovery and be clean for any length of time. Waiting on his maybe changing may not be healthy for you right now, as you must heal also from what he has already put you through. Please consider it at least.

[kazzz]

Ave considered it,but at the moment I need to believe this to get through,because other wise I'm going to go mad,and had thoughts that I shudnt ave.
Don't get me wrong if I went out for drink and I met sumone and a felt a spark I wouldn't say no.

[kazzz]

I feel that at the moment there is still something to hang on to.
I was with a self harmer before,I never loved him,thought I did at time but realised that I was in unhealthy relationship so I got out of it.
I now no what it is too love some one,and I can't give up on him just yet.
Think the best thing for me to do is to carry on with this site,ave no contact with him.sort my life out and c how its goes with him.he can't hurt me anymore than what he has.
What do you think?

[talaniman]

I think yor wasting your time with false hope, instead of positive healing action, to get healthy, and make better decisions.

[shanee]

how do i help someone addicted to coke that one day wants help and the next day dont want help. its killing me to see the love of my life killing himself. he says he loves me and wants to be with me but at the moment were not together coz he says he dont like himself and doesn't want me to see him in that way.he is my first love and i am his so i can't just walk away but its hurting so much to not, really dont know wot to do anymore.

Give him his space and continue to pray for him. Sometimes as women we need to give our men space and pray.

[kazzz]

Well I ave to learn from my owm mistakes. I can't ave a life full of what ifs.