[marco 69]

Hi, just hope someone can help me. 12 months ago I faced my abuser, my father, about the abuse I suffererd from him when I was young. At the time it seemed like a huge weight had being lifted off my shoulders.

But what I did not expect was my mother, and siblings turning their backs on me. I just need help on how to move on in life without them.

[cdad]

I have asked that your post be moved to where you receive quality answers. Please be patient.

[talaniman]

I think if you keep in mind and understand how long you have suffered before this burden was lifted, you may understand how long it will take your own family to deal with their shock and disbelief.

I hope you have friends and a support group to bolster you thru this, and build a life that you enjoy.

[marco 69]

The problem is they already knew about it beforehand. I just approached my father as I could not go on living a lie. I am very lucky I have a very supportive husband.

[smearcase]

You performed a very courageous act. Your family will need time to realize that and if they don't, it is their loss a lot more than yours. They have been and sounds like still are pretenders and deniers.
Facts are stubborn things. (John Adams quote)

[Alty]

Are your mother and father still together?

Many family members deny abuse because of guilt. If they knew it was going on, and did nothing to stop it, or didn't know it was going on and felt they should have, that's a lot of guilt to deal with.

It's a lot easier to deny the person that's making noise, airing the family laundry, than it is to accept your part in what they went through. To accept it would be to admit their part in it, even if they had no part in it at all.

Hopefully they'll come around, but just like with what you're dealing with, it can take time, and it does take a great deal of strength.

I'm glad you have your husband for support. I would also suggest a counselor to help you deal with not only what happened to you, but your family's behavior now.

[Oliver2011]

How do I cope with my family's denial of my sexual abuse?

If the rest of the family did know it was the dirty little secret that they didn't want to talk or think about. If I allow myself to be put in their shoes, I can see their reaction as being justifiable to themselves. That doesn't make it right but you may want to give them some time to come to terms with the situation being dealt with.

I walked in your shoes before. It wasn't a family member but that is the only different part.
I thought I would feel better about confronting this person but in the end it didn't really matter to me. I guess I thought it was going to be this life altering moment with fireworks going off. It wasn't and I moved on.

I am happy for you that you didn't have to go through this alone. Remember we aren't the only ones out there and life continues to go on. I consider myself a survivor and you should as well.

[Wondergirl]

If the rest of the family did know it was the dirty little secret that they didn't want to talk or think about. If I allow myself to be put in their shoes, I can see their reaction as being justifiable to themselves.

Unfortunately, in too many families, one member, usually one of the children, is made the scapegoat. That means that one child is either ostracized, abused in various ways, or simply ignored. An extreme example of this became a major news story when a child was found living in a dog cage. The rest of the family was like, "Ho, hum" (and "Glad it's not me"). As Oliver said -- the family's dirty little secret.

Yes, counseling is a necessity -- not only to work through the abuse but also your family's attitude. Please reread what Oliver wrote. He said a mouthful. Print it out and tack it to your bathroom mirror.

[Oliver2011]

Unfortunately, in too many families, one member, usually one of the children, is made the scapegoat. That means that one child is either ostracized, abused in various ways, or simply ignored. An extreme example of this became a major news story when a child was found living in a dog cage. The rest of the family was like, "Ho, hum" (and "Glad it's not me"). As Oliver said -- the family's dirty little secret..

Yes after thinking about it she went through a lot more. I knew my attackers but there wasn't a trust factor broken to pieces. Child sexual abuse is a horrible thing. When it is a father to their own child - wow - I can't even label it. It is just that bad.We all have to meet our maker one day and I can't imagine making any excuses for that.

One thing that helps me, and yes WonderG you have heard this before, I don't judge others for their actions. I don't know what potential chemical imbalance or predisposed environmental condition caused the person to commit such an act. Does it mean the person should be excused - absolutely not. Does it mean that the person shouldn't have to pay for the crime - absolutely not. It is just my simple way of thinking.

[Wondergirl]

trust factor broken to pieces

And that's what she's going to have to deal with and try to make some sense of (if that's even possible) in her own head and heart. Being positive and considering herself a survivor (and maybe eventually reaching out to other abused women) are where she needs to go.

[Oliver2011]

Absolutely.

One thing that helps me is what I have gained from my experience.
1) I have an incredible sense of humor. Once it was a defense and a coping mechanism. Now I am just dang funny. I love it, my friends love it, and my partner tolerates it.
2) I am a survivor. It just feels great saying that. Because of my before I know it doesn't matter what comes along - I will survive.
3) I can relate to people on a more personable level.

When she is ready she too will realize that because she too is here on 11 September 2013 there are some things that developed because of her experiences. I hope she shares them with people one day.