[helpmeplz20]

I am 16 years old and my parents are separated at the time. They have been separated for about two years. My mom lost her job five years ago. She has not been looking for a job and has been living off the government. My dad has offered me to live at his home until my mom gets back on her feet. My mom has diabetes and uses that as an excuse not to do anything. I wake up everyday and make her food, and bring her whatever she needs. Don't get me wrong I have tried to stand up for myself in a POLITE way, but she always calls me names. I really love her but I'm trying to focus on high school. She refuses to let me go to my dads even after I have tried to reason with her. And when I say I'm going to just leave she says she will call the police and file me as a runaway or tell them that my dad kidnapped me. I'm not really sure what to do. What should I say? Should I just be her caretaker for the next two years of my life?

[smoothy]

Unless you mother has sole custody of you... legally through the court... she can't claim your dad kidnapped you because he would have equal rights to you.

If she in fact DOES have court ordered sole custody... talk with your dad and see if he can get that order modified.

[Jake2008]

I agree. That would be a good step to establish with your dad. But, as your dad said, you could stay with him until your mom gets on her feet. That is not a permanent solution to the problems you are facing.

But, why has your dad not done this already, or at least in the two years they have lived apart. Perhaps part of the reason, and I'm only guessing here, is that he doesn't want to take responsibility for paying child support?

I'm pointing out that this may not work out with your dad, for whatever reason. Are there any relatives that you would trust enough to talk this situation through with?

It sounds as though your mother is barely getting by, emotionally and probably otherwise with bills etc. Her health needs to be addressed, as she sounds depressed. A depressed, diabetic, and likely short on funds person, needs help.

You cannot help her, but somebody needs to. It is unfair of her to hold you essentially hostage, with threats, if you leave. She surely needs help to resort to those tactics, and not from a 16 year old.

What was she like before she lost her job, and are there siblings at home too?

This situation needs intervention, and I'm hoping you'll reply with more information, and any ideas you might have to enlist help to change this situation.

[helpmeplz20]

I agree. That would be a good step to establish with your dad. But, as your dad said, you could stay with him until your mom gets on her feet. That is not a permanent solution to the problems you are facing.

But, why has your dad not done this already, or at least in the two years they have lived apart. Perhaps part of the reason, and I'm only guessing here, is that he doesn't want to take responsibility for paying child support?

I'm pointing out that this may not work out with your dad, for whatever reason. Are there any relatives that you would trust enough to talk this situation through with?

It sounds as though your mother is barely getting by, emotionally and probably otherwise with bills etc. Her health needs to be addressed, as she sounds depressed. A depressed, diabetic, and likely short on funds person, needs help.

You cannot help her, but somebody needs to. It is unfair of her to hold you essentially hostage, with threats, if you leave. She surely needs help to resort to those tactics, and not from a 16 year old.

What was she like before she lost her job, and are there siblings at home too?

This situation needs intervention, and I'm hoping you'll reply with more information, and any ideas you might have to enlist help to change this situation.

My dad does not pay child support, they are not legally separated. While my mom was working we didn't see her very often, she would go to work come home and go to bed. And yes my oldest brother Mike (22y/o) still lives at home. He sometimes helps me take care of her but whenever he helps my mom calls ME lazy! I am not allowed to leave the house without discussing times, places and who I will be with (but I think that's normal?) anyway. My littlest brother Joey also lives at here. And when I'm not home (rarely) Joey is the "2nd hand slave". I have no idea how to change these things. And she is clinically depressed and has prescribed medicine but she has no job to pay for them, insuraunce on them helps but its still hard just to come up with a few dollars. And whenever we (mostly me) come(s) up with money I have to give it to her otherwise I feel incedibly guilty spending money on myself. And she usually doesn't even buy her prescriptions, she gets the two things she loves more than me 1.) Cigaretes 2.) soda.

[joypulv]

I think you are old enough to realize how dangerously she is treating (or not treating) herself, not taking medication, and smoking, and not eating right.
It might be at the stage of getting a town social worker involved. Your father or older brother should be the one to do this. Your mother cannot be forced to care for her health, but if she is endangering the welfare of her two minor children, you can be taken away from her.
Sad, because she will be very alone until she does something for herself... which she might not do with depression.
A real dilemma.
It would help if all the entire family gently confronted her before resorted to Child Services.

[N0help4u]

She doesn't realize that by her treating herself as an invalid she is doing herself mire harm than good. Your dad needs to file for custody or joint custody.

[Jake2008]

I agree that your dad has to step up here, and do what he needs to do, in order to put the needs of his children first.

I'm wondering if you have any idea why your dad left in the first place- was this situation too much for him to handle with your mom?

Your dad being involved, particularly financially, isn't optional. With the condition your mother is in, and showing no signs of being able to withstand the energy needed to seek legal help, and have at least support money coming in, somebody needs to help.

Can you remember a time when your mother wasn't depressed? It is sad she cannot afford her medication, and there must be some sort of disability allowance or welfare to help make ends meet? I am in Canada and things are much different here, so I don't know what exactly she can do to get assistance.

Is there someone you can talk to. Maybe a counselor at the school? If you can possibly go and see the family doctor who prescribes the medication, he will know a lot more than I would, about how to go about getting the medication.

As to the rest of it, you need to talk to an adult who can help. Hopefully whatever social services are in your area can assist, even with home care referral, to ease the burden on you.

I hope others will post with more direct and helpful information on how to go about getting outside help.

[helpmeplz20]

I love my mom so much I don't think I could ever call social services. I worry that if me and my little brother were taken away that she would hurt herself and I can't live with that!