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muffin177 · Aug 21, 2013, 02:14 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over three and a half years and live together. Over the few years he has cheated on me with three different women. He was getting "pictures" from them and sending texts to lead them on. One of them was a friend of the families. I have forgiven him so I thought because he has changed and he hasn't cheated on me since. But I still can't get over the betrayal. I want to spend the rest of my life with him but I'm not to sure how I could without being able to fully forgive him. Help? Advice?

N0help4u · Aug 21, 2013, 02:22 PM

It takes time to get over and feelings of is he going to do it again or not. Only you can decide if you are going to put the effort into him or if it isn't worth it.

LULU42 · Aug 21, 2013, 07:37 PM

Sometimes men go through this when they are young and not ready to settle and then they grow out of it and then other times they just do it until they get caught but you will always wonder if he has stopped cheating or just gotten better at hiding it.

N0help4u · Aug 21, 2013, 07:39 PM

Originally Posted by LULU42

Sometimes men go through this when they are young and not ready to settle and then they grow out of it and then other times they just do it untill they get caught but you will always wonder if he has stopped cheating or just gotten better at hiding it.

Precisely

J_9 · Aug 21, 2013, 07:41 PM

As far as I'm concerned, cheating is a deal breaker.

Three times = a serial cheater.

You've been together three years and he's cheated on you three times. That you know of.

Maybe you can get over this, but I couldn't. Hence my divorce.

If you want to stay with him I suggest counseling for the two of you.

N0help4u · Aug 21, 2013, 08:04 PM

What's that saying? Something like fool me once, fool me twice shame on you. Fool me three times shame on me.

Alty · Aug 21, 2013, 08:17 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

whats that saying? something like fool me once, fool me twice shame on you. Fool me three times shame on me.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. "

Another saying "Three strikes you're out".

I agree with J9. Cheating is a deal breaker for me. But we're not talking about me, or anyone else but you. You think you've forgiven him, but if you can't move on, can't trust him, then you haven't. Can't blame you, I'd feel the same way.

talaniman · Aug 21, 2013, 09:06 PM

It takes a long time, and a lot of hard work to fully get over the trauma of being cheated on 3 times in 3 years. That's a lot of hurt. You both may need help, to resolve this but in the meantime, always strive to stay cool, calm, and collected and be aware of what you say and do to avoid acting or peaking impulsively.

It's really more up to him to realize he has hurt you badly and understand you being upset, and how long it may take you to recover from all this. If he does NOT, then you may have no choice but to remove yourself from the situation completely.

Personally I think that's what you should do now, and give yourself time to heal, and be good to yourself. Then decide what should be done about him. You do have choices spout yourself first. Seldom do we forget, even if we have forgiven, because for you the hurt doesn't end with forgiveness.

vanheart · Aug 21, 2013, 10:06 PM

Not sure why you love a guy that's cheats. Especially 3X in 3 years. And want to spend your life with that. You could be counting them forever.

He doesn't feel that same love you do.

Not sure I could get over that betrayal either. He better have some real serious redeeming qualities to stay, but it doesn't sound like it. He may change, but I wouldn't wait around. You could be old by then & missing out on nicer things.

If that was me, I'd be gone. Or gone already. There's nicer & more respectful, together guys out there. You just picked a dud.

Don't waste your time. No one deserves that disrespect. Let him do this to someone else. Exit & you'll be free from this once & for all.