[hope2013]

My son got married at 19, worked, supported his family wife and three girls. Was supportive, adored his girls, his wife became difficult, not helping around the house, did not want to get a job. He told me after 15 years I feel am not getting anywhere,work work that's it. But that he would stay for the girls. Then travelled to our country of origin for two weeks, called his wife and told her he was not returning, its been three month. How can a loving father do something like this.

[N0help4u]

Who knows how much stress he was under. He may not even have realized how stressed he was until he got away and realized he couldn't handle it any more. Sometimes we go through more than we are capable of but we manage somehow while we are under the stress. Then a bit of freedom from all that we had to endure we realize that its just too much to take back on and how did we even manage.

[Jake2008]

What he did was run away from his problems.

With three children and a wife depending upon him, he abandoned everyone. His children should be his #1 priority even if his marriage was over. He needs to step up and pay child support (especially if she is without an income to provide for them), but how does one establish that when he's left the country.

There are many things he could have done, starting with staying home. Maybe counseling to sort the marital difficulties. Maybe his wife could have done more to bring in some income, who's to say. But whatever pressure he felt he was under, he should have put his children first, and dealt with it.

Life has a way of knocking us down, but most of us with children, don't run away.

I hope that your concern will extend to your grandchildren, and your daughter in law, who must be going through hell right now.

[N0help4u]

Yes he needs to take responsibility for the kids and call them to let him know he does care but going through a difficult time in his life.
How old are his girls?

[talaniman]

How can a loving father do something like this.

For whatever reason he became not so loving and saw an escape. He could have divorced the girl and paid child support or taken custody. He didn't he ran. Maybe he will be back and fight his battles, or maybe he won't.

Are you in contact with him? What will you do to help?

[Enigma1999]

At this point in time the best thing you can do is help your grandchildren out in any way you can. Be supportive. Just remember, there are two sides to every story.

Please try to remain neutral. Try not to side with your son because he is your son. Being a stay at home mother is not as easy as some would think, especially of three.

Who knows what your daughter in law was going to with all of the stress that SHE had, and yet she is still there trying to raise three kids alone.

I do believe that there was a better way for your son to handle all of this. Jake is right, is number one priority should be his children.

[Fr_Chuck]

Because he really was not as loving as you assumed he was. Many people go though the motions because of DUTY. I see it every day, they talk about a better life to special friends and perhaps the wife knows the husband has been distant for a bit.

But perhaps not going to a different country, but getting a mistress, or running off with a girl friend, just read the 1000's of questions a month abuut marriage issues and you will see, that the husband seems to do this often

[joypulv]

You ask how a loving FATHER can do this. Because his desire to leave his WIFE finally superseded his love for his girls. Happens every day. He got married too young. He never got to have the fun of early 20s. I take it you are helping with their support?

[N0help4u]

My thought was that after 15 years of marriage and being there his daughters are probably about preteen and he may of felt he had done all he could in raising them. It would help knowing the 2 sides of the story on this one.

[WisperWill70]

Woahhh... at 15 years old a kid is not all "done" being raised. Not by a long shot! Those kids are still young even if they're that old and they still need their father. Being left out of the picture because he has a beef with mom is a tremendous wrenching pain in a child's psyche. If he feels that "welp.... I'm done here." - then he's sorely mistaken. . Parenthood and relationship is not a switch that you can throw on and off and he might be running from his issues (or issues in the relationship) but that won't fix anything and will only worsen the situation. They need to sit down with an arbiter/counselor and work out how they're going to proceed with the situation for the highest welfare of the children.

But guess what, mom? You can't make your son do or see anything and telling him what a selfish idiot he's being will not bring him any closer to doing the right thing. You can encourage him to not worry about the wife or their problems (and that he can address those later) but to really think about his kids right now. Tell him about all the good things he's been able to do with and for them and touch his heart there... not through berating him or judging him. Unfortunately - this is a situation you'll then have to butt out of!
Right now, it's still up to the PARENTS as to what happens next.

[N0help4u]

True that they still need dad but not all dads thinks that way. I just think there could be more to the story and things outweighed the reasons to stay in his mind.