[bookpromac]

A little background information before you judge me:

I met my current boyfriend when I was 23 and he was 16, it was my first teaching job and he was in my GCSE group. At the time I saw this boy as what he was - a boy, yes a good looking boy who would be dashing when he was older, but far too young for me, plus I was aware of my professional status as a role model.

I taught at the school for a year before moving on, he went to college to carry on with the subject I taught him and did very well. I taught at another school for 4 years before moving abroad to teach in 2012.

I came back to my hometown after finishing my contract this summer and bumped into this "boy" in a pub. To cut a long story short we started talking and instantly clicked; we have mutual friends through a network of musicians - he is now 21 and I am 28 - and met up again several times through friends.

Within a few weeks this blossomed into a relationship. I'm going to be completely honest here: I really enjoy spending time with him, and although he is younger than me I feel more connected to him than any other men I have had relationships with. When we are together I do not think of him as my "ex-student" at all. His friends and some of mine are aware of the relationship, they are happy for us and think that we are well suited.

I'd like to know what peoples honest opinions of such a relationship are.

[teacherjenn4]

It's odd. I find it strange that you viewed him as good looking, dashing, but too young at the time you were his teacher. Those comments give teachers a bad name. We are not supposed to view our students as potential relationship material in the future. Obviously, something about this relationship bothers you or you wouldn't be asking for opinions here. I'm against any student/teacher relationships, current or former, period!

[kctiger]

Not a teacher, but I don't see a problem with it now. What bothers you more, the fact he is a former student or the age difference? If you two are getting along and there is no violation of the "student-teacher" relationship as it stands now, then I think it shouldn't be much of an issue, unless you make it one.

[bookpromac]

I think what bothers me is that we live in a small town, where people are bound to talk I suppose. The age difference does not bother me at all - I know a woman of 34 who is dating a guy his age, and to be fair, if it was an older man with a younger woman most would not batter an eyelid.

[Oliver2011]

I don't have a problem with it. I have a friend named Mark who married his high school teacher after he became of age. They are still married today, have two sons in college, and they are two of the nicest people I know.

[kctiger]

I think what bothers me is that we live in a small town, where people are bound to talk I suppose. The age difference does not bother me at all - I know a woman of 34 who is dating a guy his age, and to be fair, if it was an older man with a younger woman most would not batter an eyelid.

People always talk, but it's up to you if you care to listen. This is your life. You're doing nothing immoral, unethical, or illegal, so I think you should concentrate on being happy as opposed to what others might think. What else can people do in a small town besides gossip? You can't stop that, otherwise there would be no fun.

[Jiser]

I left working in secondary schools as support staff in 2011 and since the end of 2012 I have crossed paths with three ex students (mainly due to facebook) who I had not seen for a good 3 years.

There is a good 7 year gap between me and them. One of the girls who I never spoke to at my school is now a good friend who I am going on holiday with. The other girl I recently ran into a few weeks ago and started 'dating' which moved fairly quickly. She is abroad for four months... who knows either way it pretty much sucks that it had an expiry date of a few weeks.

Point is I do not see a problem with this at all. The only issue is when there is an abuse of the trust when the student and yourself are still at the same place in education. e.g between 11-18. One who is in a position of trust should not be getting involved students full stop!! Once they have left and a few years have passed... I don't see the issue then.

There clearly has not been here, simply your paths have crossed. I have friends and family members who have a gap of over 16 years between them.. It can work. Good luck :)

[JudyKayTee]

I worked an interesting case - male teacher got involved with a former student some years later. He broke it off. She claimed sexual assault when she was in school. He claimed no relationship before they were both adults. She said, yes, there was

He was arrested, hasn't gone to trial yet.

That would worry me.

[teacherjenn4]

I worked an interesting case - male teacher got involved with a former student some years later. He broke it off. She claimed sexual assault when she was in school. He claimed no relationship before they were both adults. She said, yes, there was

He was arrested, hasn't gone to trial yet.

That would worry me.

My exact sentiments. You couldn't have stated it better.

[jeep2005]

You make me sick. You are a child molester and pervert. How can you date a child? You need to be arrested and convicted, serving time. Wrong? GET A GRIP - there is absolutely no way a child can date you. Whatever happened in your childhood needs to be addressed. To even ask this question, you know you are disgusting.

Grandma

[Wondergirl]

You make me sick. You are a child molester and pervert. How can you date a child? You need to be arrested and convicted, serving time. Wrong? GET A GRIP - there is absolutely no way a child can date you. Whatever happened in your childhood needs to be addressed. To even ask this question, you know you are disgusting.

He is 21 years old.

[Alty]

You make me sick. You are a child molester and pervert. How can you date a child? You need to be arrested and convicted, serving time. Wrong? GET A GRIP - there is absolutely no way a child can date you. Whatever happened in your childhood needs to be addressed. To even ask this question, you know you are disgusting.

Grandma

Jeep, did you read the thread? The "child" is 21. At 21 he's an adult, he's legal to vote, drink, go to war for his country, drive a car, go to college, and date whomever he wants.

I would suggest that you read before you post.

Not a teacher, but I don't see a problem with it now. What bothers you more, the fact he is a former student or the age difference? If you two are getting along and there is no violation of the "student-teacher" relationship as it stands now, then I think it shouldn't be much of an issue, unless you make it one.

Don't want to hijack the thread, just want to say a quick "glad to have you back tiggy. I've missed you. I hope you're back to stay.

[J_9]

You make me sick. You are a child molester and pervert. How can you date a child? You need to be arrested and convicted, serving time. Wrong? GET A GRIP - there is absolutely no way a child can date you. Whatever happened in your childhood needs to be addressed. To even ask this question, you know you are disgusting.

Grandma

Jeep, did you actually read the post? Me thinketh not. The OP is 28 and the man she is dating is now 21 and an adult. They spent several years apart and just recently reconnected.

Personally I don't see a problem with this, however there are some issues that may arise, as Judy noted. She is the expert in this area.

[Alty]

Jeep, did you actually read the post? Me thinketh not. The OP is 28 and the man she is dating is now 21 and an adult. They spent several years apart and just recently reconnected.

Personally I don't see a problem with this, however there are some issues that may arise, as Judy noted. She is the expert in this area.

I feel the same way. They're both adults, she only taught him for a year, and had no personal relationship with him at that time. It's not like she did anything when he was a minor, or in her class.

They're both adults. If they want to date, I don't see a reason why they shouldn't.

The only thing that raises an alarm here, is that the OP is asking if it's wrong. If she didn't feel it was, she wouldn't be asking. So obviously she has reservations. In that case, I would advise that she listen to her gut, it's obviously trying to tell her something.

[Jake2008]

I do not see a problem with this at all. You sound like a good person with higher standards than many professional people I come across, that even after all this time, you struggle with the moral compass.

You are doing nothing wrong, and have done nothing wrong. In my profession, some colleagues have had relationships with their clients; the only stipulation that won't get you into trouble with your license/code of conduct, is that a non-professional relationship cannot happen within one year.

I'm sure in your profession, you would not have thought of entertaining the idea of dating one of your pupils. And you likely didn't need a code of conduct to explain why.

I don't think 7 years is a big age difference either, although I know that isn't what is really bothering you. I say put your mind to rest, enjoy the relationship, and don't give it another thought.

[joypulv]

I grew up in a tiny town and came back to live years later. I think this question is understandable just for the reason of gossip in such communities, aside from any ethics.

Is JudyKayTee's case different because the former student is female? I think it probably is because the stereotype of the reaction of a woman scorned is often true. The young man here is not nearly so likely to act the same way.

[Oliver2011]

You make me sick. You are a child molester and pervert. How can you date a child? You need to be arrested and convicted, serving time. Wrong? GET A GRIP - there is absolutely no way a child can date you. Whatever happened in your childhood needs to be addressed. To even ask this question, you know you are disgusting.

Grandma

Well that was rude. Me thinks when you said GET A GRIP you were looking in the mirror. Did you read the entire post? She is doing nothing wrong based on the stated facts.

[tickle]

You make me sick. You are a child molester and pervert. How can you date a child? You need to be arrested and convicted, serving time. Wrong? GET A GRIP - there is absolutely no way a child can date you. Whatever happened in your childhood needs to be addressed. To even ask this question, you know you are disgusting.

Grandma

You are the one who is disgusting grandma. You do not contribute to any discussion in ths forum.

This woman is not dating a child.

What are you THINKING posting like this!

[tickle]

My opinion. You are a mature woman and he is a man now. You are both capable of a satisfactory relationship and if this makes you both happy then I see nothing wrong with it.

[talaniman]

You are consenting adult and sorry your small town has nothing better to do than gossip about what consenting adults choose to do. Sorry you are so affected by it. That's not good.