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    Holly1110's Avatar
    Holly1110 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 20, 2013, 09:25 AM
    Why doesn't my partner want sex anymore?
    My partner and I have been together 5 yrs and just recently we had an argument and I told him sex is boring because he never initiates it or takes any control.

    Now he doesn't want sex and the one time we did do it he went soft. Would the reason be because I said the things I did? I wasn't trying to be mean. I just really am sick of him doing nothing in bed. But now I'm not getting any! What should I do?

    I am a 31 year old female, and he is 36 year old male.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #2

    Jul 20, 2013, 09:59 AM
    I have no doubt the approach to your problem is at the heart of this stalemate, and he is using it to express his objection to it. Just a few questions please.

    Are there kids involved, and do you both work? Has he always been like this, or have there been major changes in lifestyle, routines, finances, or employment for either of you? Often a lack of sex in a relationship is directly tied to problems in other areas that need addressing.
    Holly1110's Avatar
    Holly1110 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jul 20, 2013, 05:17 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    I have no doubt the approach to your problem is at the heart of this stalemate, and he is using it to express his objection to it. Just a few questions please.

    Are there kids involved, and do you both work? Has he always been like this, or have there been major changes in lifestyle, routines, finances, or employment for either of you? Often a lack of sex in a relationship is directly tied to problems in other areas that need addressing.
    We have 5 children between us and we work, but there is nothing different. We have gone through lots of hurdles in life and this is the first and only time our sex life has ever been like this.
    When we first got together it took him 2 months to have sex with me as he said he wants to love me before we have sex so now I am thinking he doesn't love me anymore
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #4

    Jul 20, 2013, 05:30 PM
    Your approach is likely the cause of this. Think about how you'd feel if he said to you, what you said to him.

    Couples need to be able to discuss sex, and what they expect, but they should do that in a positive way, not accusing, or mean. If he said that he finds sex with you boring, how would you react? Would that lead you to want more sex with him? I doubt it.

    You hurt him, and now he's no longer interested. Can't really blame him for that. I'd be hurt too if I was told that I was boring in bed, and I'm not assertive enough. I'd much rather someone say "I feel that our sex life is getting a bit monotonous, any ideas how to spice it up a bit"?

    You really didn't communicate very well, and he's letting you know that what you said, hurt.
    Holly1110's Avatar
    Holly1110 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Jul 21, 2013, 02:39 AM
    Yes very true. I have no idea where to go from here! Damn it!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    Jul 21, 2013, 05:56 AM
    Apologize with heart felt words, and selfless action, and the patience of Jobe.
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