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lilone3667 · Jul 17, 2013, 11:51 AM

How you can tell a person that the information you found out about them. That you didn't see it nowhere, that you had a friend to look them up. For they can stop being mad at you.

>threads merged for comprehension's sake<

smoothy · Jul 17, 2013, 11:54 AM

Having someone look it up for you really isn't any different than just doing it yourself.

If they are upset you was checking on them.. its still going to make them mad.

odinn7 · Jul 17, 2013, 11:59 AM

I have to admit that I'm a little lost on this one... I read it a few times and don't seem to be able to put it together too well.

lilone3667 · Jul 17, 2013, 12:10 PM

For the ones who don't understand what I saying. I met this guy on line over a year ago. When we stated talking I had a friend who is a policemen to look him up. Because sometime thing that's good always don't be good. I decide to tell him a year later what I had done without him sharing that information with me and he got mad at me.

N0help4u · Jul 17, 2013, 12:12 PM

Smoothy is right. How do you think they will be any less mad that you weren't able to 'investigate' them so you has a friend do it. AND why dos you feel compelled to tell them what you found out or that you found stuff out!?

smoothy · Jul 17, 2013, 12:14 PM

Originally Posted by odinn7

I have to admit that I'm a little lost on this one...I read it a few times and don't seem to be able to put it together too well.

English isn't their first language... I'm guessing Spanish is.

Originally Posted by lilone3667

For the once who don't understand what I saying. I mate this guy on line over a year ago. When we stated talking I had a friend who is a policemen to look him up. Because sometime thing that's good always don't be good. I decide to tell him a year later what I had done without him shalling that information with me and he got mad at me.

I would try to explain to them that there are so many bad people around... you was checking to be sure they weren't one before you got hurt.

You can't change them being upset you checked... but maybe if you explain WHY in a good way they won't be as upset.

odinn7 · Jul 17, 2013, 12:19 PM

I understand now. Ok, of course they will be mad about it but it makes sense that you did have them checked without just believing them.

And I like smoothy's answer... explain why you did it.

Jake2008 · Jul 17, 2013, 11:50 PM

You must have had a reason, other than you have a friend who is a cop who can get information on him.

He might be upset because the cop was accessing information for purposes other than police work, to check him out. That would upset me too.

If you were unsure of this man, then hiring a private detective would have been a better alternative. And in this day and age, likely the man you are with wouldn't have objected.

Either way, I think you should tell him you're sorry for going about this all the wrong way, but keeping in mind, you could have saved yourself from disaster too- had he turned out to have a rap sheet that included assault, DUI's, child support arrears, etc.

lilone3667 · Jul 18, 2013, 10:11 AM

I can you tell a person who you care and love so much that you are sorry for what you had done. If they told you to leave them alone and not to call or text them no more.

Oliver2011 · Jul 18, 2013, 10:17 AM

If they told you to leave them alone you should respect those wishes. You can't dive back in before the cooling off period has ended. The cooling off period has no timeline either. The other person can take a week or they can decide that they will never forgive you. Let this be a lesson to you to use your brain before you act. It would have helped here.

lilone3667 · Jul 18, 2013, 12:49 PM

I been told more than once to wait for my friend to cool off about what I did. I feel that he really need to know what I did was not try to hurt him. I just didn't want to get invole with other person who feel it OK to hint [hit?} a women when they get mad. When you go threw a relationship with a person and trust and love them for everything and they turn out to be something else a bad person, you don't want to go threw that again.

Alty · Jul 18, 2013, 01:10 PM

What's your question?

Also, what does "I just didn't want to get invole with other person who feel it ok to hint a women when they get mad" mean?

odinn7 · Jul 18, 2013, 01:11 PM

It's all part of her other questions which started yesterday. I asked that they be merged so they might make more sense.

>threads merged :)<

Oliver2011 · Jul 18, 2013, 01:21 PM

Originally Posted by lilone3667

I been told more than once to wait for my friend to cool off about what I did. I feel that he really need to know what I did was not try to hurt him. I just didn't want to get invole with other person who feel it ok to hint [hit?} a women when they get mad. When you go threw a relationship with a person and trust and love them for everything and they turn out to be something else a bad person, you don't want to go threw that again.

Maybe you should stop putting your friends through this. Maybe you need to examine your behaviors if this has happened more than once. Friends are a great thing so don't abuse them.

lilone3667 · Jul 18, 2013, 01:40 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

What's your question?

Also, what does "I just didn't want to get invole with other person who feel it ok to hint a women when they get mad" mean?

That mean when you with a person who you love and care about. All they do is bet on you for everything you do or say. You not try to get back invole into another relationship like that. That why I done a back ground check on the friend I made mad

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

Maybe you should stop putting your friends through this. Maybe you need to examine your behaviors if this has happened more than once. Friends are a great thing so don't abuse them.

I didn't put him threw any thing all I did was tell him I done a background check on him when we first started talk. I never mate this person and person all we do is talk on the phone. And we been talking over a year. I can't bring a man around my child if I don't know nothing about them but there name and what state they live in

Wondergirl · Jul 18, 2013, 01:52 PM

Why did you tell him you did a background check on him?

lilone3667 · Jul 18, 2013, 01:58 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Why did you tell him you did a background check on him?

I thought it was the right thing to do since we been talking over a year and there wasn't no secret between us. And I was going to move where he at.

Wondergirl · Jul 18, 2013, 02:01 PM

Originally Posted by lilone3667

I thought it was the right thing to do since we been talking over a year and there wasn't no secret between us. And I was going to move where he at.

I think that was a bad move, to tell him. You just don't share something like that, and it's understandable that he was insulted (after a year of talking with him you checked upon him?).

lilone3667 · Jul 18, 2013, 02:08 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I think that was a bad move, to tell him. You just don't share something like that, and it's understandable that he was insulted (after a year of talking with him you checked upon him?).

This was done when we first started to talking, I just went a little more further with the check when he told me it was OK to check on him to see he not a sex offener. All I done is told him how far I went with it

So this wasn't a check up on him that he didn't know about, he told me too. He just didn't know how far I went with it

talaniman · Jul 18, 2013, 05:54 PM

Had he been fully honest he wouldn't have been mad, so since you found more than he told you, now you know he isn't as completely honest as he could be. You have every right to do what it takes to insure the protection of you and your child, and to be honest even considering moving around a phone buddy of a year without dating and getting to know each other ain't that smart, even if he was honest and is a good guy.

Let him be mad, and forget this fool who knew what a background check would reveal. No such thing as going to far when you are deciding to trust a fellow and move to be with him.

Instead of worrying about his feelings, ask yourself why he wasn't completely honest and didn't tell you everything from the start.