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Felly123 · Mar 25, 2007, 06:23 PM

Hi I am a 14 year old girl. I am think about getting pregnant to stay with my boyfriend when he goes to jail.. but that's not the reason I want to get pregnant, that's only 5% of it. I want to get pregnant because I love babies I want to be a mother I am pretty much on my own all of the time my family basically screws me over and ignores me and I don't really talk to them at all... I have very few friends... I get good grades... I'm a good person.. but I always feel everybody is given me the crap.. and nobody thinks I'm good enough to be somebody.. when I do things I give it my all.. and nobody respects it... I want to have a baby.. but could my parents take it away from me and FORCE me to give it up for adoption.. :confused: :(

Fr_Chuck · Mar 25, 2007, 06:27 PM

First just because you get pregnant does not mean you can stay with a boyfriend, you will still just be staying home with parents pregnant or with a baby.

And yes at 14 they can work with the state welfare to take the baby away. And of course the babies father will be charged with RAPE and get several years prison for having sex with you, and also be classified as sex offender for the rest of his life.

So at 14 it is not going to work out at all like you wanted.

ScottGem · Mar 25, 2007, 06:34 PM

You need to grow up. You are clearly too immature to raise a child. I know this sounds harsh, but listen to yourself. Its all about YOU, not about the child or how it will change (screw up) your life.

If your boyfriend is old enough to go to jail for some crime, then its likely, if you do get pregnant, that he'll have statutory rape charges that will keep him in jail for a long time.

daizeebug · Mar 25, 2007, 07:54 PM

The problems you are having will NOT be solved by having a baby... you're being too selfish right now and that is the last thing you can be when dealing with a baby!! I'm sorry to be so rough but u seriously need to realize that...

JoeCanada76 · Mar 25, 2007, 08:13 PM

I agree with everyone that posted here.

It is all about you, you, you. That is being selfish.

If you truly want to have a baby for bringing a baby into the world because you are older, mature and want to be able to love a baby unconditionally. You can not do that right now because your reasons for wanting a baby are selfish and for yourself.

As far as your boyfriend. Is he really worth it. Whether you like the answer or not. It is no.

Parents could actually try to convince you to do more than an adoption but actually abortion, but they can not force that decision on you.

You need years maybe decades of growing up and maturing before even bringing in an innocent baby into the world. I know your crying out for attention from your family but having a baby is not going to change anything, it will just make things worse for you.

Joe

EnglishRose · Mar 27, 2007, 12:49 PM

Please, do not try to get pregnant! No matter how bad everything seems now, do you want to be a 14 yr old mom with a con for a boyfriend, no where to live if your folks throw you out and I'm guessing your still at school so u would be totally broke. The others are right, your boyfriend will get longer in prison for getting u pregnant so that isn't going to help u keep him and to be fair, why are you worried about keeping him, he isn't going to meet anyone is he? If you have hardly any mates go out and meet sum. If your lonely get a kitten. Loving babies is not enough of a reason to have one. I love elephants but I'm not niave enough to think I could look after one. U need to be a teenager, not an adult. I can't keep my little sister in. She's got a new boyfriend every week and the toughest thing in her day is that her mate has got the hump cos sum boy likes her more than her mate. That's how it should be at 14!

J_9 · Mar 27, 2007, 01:04 PM

I am going to take a different approach here.

You are 14, your body is not done growing, the chemicals in your body are not ready for you to become pregnant. If you become pregnant now, at your age, you run the risk of some serious health issues, not only with you but with the baby.

You risk Preeclampsia which is high blood pressure due to pregnancy, this can be fatal to you and/or the baby.

You risk premature birth that has a host of serious complications for the baby including mental retardation. Along with premature birth comes low birth weight, which again carries a lot of serious complications including mental retardation.

Are you ready to live the rest of your life caring for a child that cannot EVER care for itself?

Are you ready to risk your life because your boyfriend is going to jail?

You like babies right? Have you ever been up with one for 3 days, that is 72 hours, because it won't stop crying, it is sick and can't tell you what is wrong?

Do you have a good job to pay for all the diapers, formula, vaccinations, hospital/doctor's visits, clothes, baby food, toys, medications?

Hun, you are not ready physically, or emotionally. This is no reason to have a child. When that baby is 14 and wants a baby, you will be 28. Are you ready to be a grandmother at 28 when most of your friends are out having the time of their lives and you are already a GRANDMOTHER!

Think about this. You are NOT ready.

alkalineangel · Mar 27, 2007, 01:45 PM

That is a poor excuse to have a child. I agree with J_9 it is both unsafe and impractical to conceive right now. How could you morally live with yourself if your baby is born with medical problems due to your selfeshness? You have to take healthy babies to the doctor every few weeks when they are first born, so I can't even imagine how often an unhealthy baby would go. Do you have insurance? Once you are pregnant most insurance companies will drop you from your parents insurance. How will you cover antibiotics when the baby is sick? They are very expensive without proper insurance. What about the medical bills from the hospital? You want a pain-free birth? Anesthesiologists aren't cheap. Also, think about this - if you are 14, you must be in school and will be for at least another 4 years, how will you afford the daycare expenses so you can continue in school? Where I live, my daycare charges 115 dollars a week for 1 child, and he is 3, babies are much more expensive. When my son was an infant I paid 160 a week for daycare expenses and that did not include the diapers, wipes, formula, and medicine I had to send with him. You won't be able to get a job at 14, and if you drop out of school, few people will hire a person without a GED or high school diploma. You definitely could not rent an apartment at 14. You can't even drive to the hospital or doctors office when the child is sick. How fast do you think the city bus can get there when its and emergency? What about car seats, strollers, diapers, a highchair, bottles, bibs, a crib? All very expensive. Oh and also you have to clothe the little one. What will you do after the baby is up all night screaming the day before your midterms? It will happen... newborns eat every 2 hours if not less, and they don't know the difference between night and day, and most don't sleep throuhthe night until they are at least 9 months old. Then take into consideration the fact that you will never be able to go anywhere... ANYWHERE without the child or a sitter. No concerts, no movies, no out to dinner, nothing. And you will do this all alone if your boyfriend is in jail. I think you are far too immature to be thinking about this and you need to take into consideration all of the facts. Babies aren't cheap, they are hard on families with two incomes. They require BIG sacrifices. And to be quite frank, I don't think you even understand the concept of love enough to give it to a baby, you are too preoccupied with yourself. I hate to say it, but I'm on a rant now, I bet if your parents don't make you adobt, the government will probably take the baby from you anyway. Ill pray that you get some common sense.

saraispiel19 · May 2, 2007, 09:57 AM

don't do it!!!!! your 14! You don't even hαve your driver's license yet!

robertsqueen · May 2, 2007, 10:06 AM

When you think about having a baby and how great it will be do you think about these things?
1) being up all night with them cause they are sick?
2) Having to adjust to their routine?
3) Not being able to take care of yourself because your baby needs you?
4) Taking them to a hospital beucase they get hurt? What are you going to do walk?
5) Not bieng able to go out at all because of a baby?
6) the father not being in the picture beucase he is in jail?
7) raising a baby by yourself with no help?
And my dear the list goes on and on. You are not ready for a baby. Enjoy your life now.. being a mother can wait. You can't have a baby so that you will be loved.. that is not a reason. I am sorry that your family ignores you, mine does also.

kso · May 3, 2007, 01:16 AM

I can sympathize with you hun. I wanted a baby as a teenager too. I just thank my lucky stars that I was not able to conceive one!

You've heard some really good reasons not to conceive, but as a teenager, it's hard to recognize these things. Yes you already know babies are hard work, but have you also thought about what happens when the child is older? What about your schooling? You will have to work and go to school and pay for daycare, which is not cheap. If you quit school, you are looking at low paying jobs and possibly welfare for a long time.

It's so nice to have this vision of yourself with an adorable little baby. But the reality is so much different, and it's just not something you can really understand until you've been there. Have you pictured yourself being 16 with a 2 year old? You're going to want to be out with your friends, not potty training. Are you going to want to get a babysitter just to go to your prom? They are not cheap.

I know that at 14, you are going to do what you want, but I just really hope you think more about this sweetie. The emotions you are going through right now are a roller coaster and it's going to seem like it will never end. But trust me, it will!

In the meantime, put out ads to babysit other people's babies. See if you can volunteer at the hospital to help take care of babies that are born drug addicted. Talk to other teenage mothers so you can get an idea what it is like for them. I am sure they would welcome the help if you wanted to help out with their babies!

I finally got pregnant at the age of 20. I got engaged and thought we were beginning our life together. But my fiancée cheated on me and decided he was not ready for all the responsibility. I ended up on welfare, and every month was a struggle. I didn't have money to buy an occasional pizza or even have cable TV. Everything went to bills and just trying to live. I tried to save money by breastfeeding, but even that was tough. Her father took off and did not even leave us a dime. I ran out of money and ended up having to move back in with my parents, where I lived for 8 years because I couldn't afford to live on my own with my daughter. I was extremely lucky to have a supportive family, but it was still very tough! My friends were all turning 21 and going out to bars and having fun, and I was home with my daughter. I missed out on so much. They would take trips and vacations, and I could not go because I had my daughter to think of and also could not afford it. I still regret missing out on so much, and I was 20 when I got pregnant! I cannot even imagine getting pregnant earlier.

I know I've said a lot here. It's so hard to wirte all this out so you will understand. I remember being your age, and you definitely do not want to hear these types of things. It makes you want to run out and do the opposite! Just please try to think about the reality. Sit down and write out your life plan. Imagine you are caring for a baby, and a toddler and a preschooler in this plan. See where the reality takes you.

I do wish you the best!

ST3V3NZBABYZMAMII · May 11, 2007, 04:55 PM

I understand how you feel I've tried to get pregnant many times to stay with my boyfriend. And I know no matter what people say in the end your going to do what you want. But what I dun understand is why would you want to have a baby with someone who's going to be in jail? And do you want to be bring your little boy or grl to visit daddy in jail or use your money to bail him out of jail?

Fr_Chuck · May 11, 2007, 07:08 PM

If you love your boyfriend don't, since of course having sex with him at 14 will add a new crime and send him to jail for several more years at least. Also when he gets out, he will be classified as a sex offender and will lose out on many jobs in the future.

He is going to be in jail ( prison) and not going anyway, and not going to be cheating on you, so at 14, you wait on him, having a baby will not make you wait on him any bette or worst.

And honestly if he makes your pregnant, the judge may very well order you not to see him, till you are 18. Remember those cases where the school teacher was having sex with the students, the judges ordered the teacher not to see the kid. So after the teacher got out of jail, the student and teacher got together, and guess what, the teacher ended up going back to jail.

talaniman · May 12, 2007, 04:31 AM

You can't fed, house and clothe yourself, so how are you going to do for a child? Who buys the pampers and baby formula? Who buys the cribs and blankets? Who will buy the clothes? Have you thought about all these things a baby needs? Do you think your b/f will be able to provide for his child from jail? If you can't answer these basic questions, then you should wait until you can, to get pregnant.

cherylscott · May 14, 2007, 03:10 AM

I think your far to young >14<im 16 and wouldent think about having a kid for another 5-6 years I'm still a virgin an have had a boyfriend for nearly 1 year and he's not at all bothered that I'm not ready for sex yet so I'm happy with him an I will sleep with him when I'm ready so what I'm trying to say is you have all your life ahead of you an there's no rush for any think. I think you need a friend or to sit and talk to your parents about how you feel.

Madam Mickey · May 14, 2007, 05:51 AM

I agree with Most of the answers here. I am a young mother too so I am talking from experience. I don't think that you should have a baby 1. At the age of 14 because you just started to grow up yourself. 2. If your boyfriend is going to jail why are you (A)worring about losing him his locked up for sakes :confused: (B) you didn't mention what he's is going to jail/prison for so who's to say he'll be out anytime soon to help you raise the baby or to even be in the babies life. 3. If you are really only 14 you will meet a whole lot more guys that you feel is worth keeping so are you going to want to have babies with them too. Trust me a baby should be the last thing on your mind. If you worried about friends it's probably good that you don't have any cause most of them are trouble anyway. I'm happy to hear that your doing good in school keep that up cause an education can take you a long way. If you want a cyber pal that can be me hit me up if you have AIM; ***AIM REMOVED*** or you can e-mail me ***EMAIL REMOVED***

fix-what-you-broke · May 14, 2007, 12:41 PM

Think of it this way... my son got an ear infection one time,he had it for over a week, I stayed up for two nights in a row rocking him in my arms as he slept,if I moved he woke up and screamed with pain, so I didn't move out of that chair until he was better,a week of screaming with pain,being sick,and almost 4 days for me without any sleep because I was either seeing to him or worrying.
Its not all cuteness.theres clothes to buy, baby food,nappies,medical bills,school uniforms etc, I'm just curious who is going to pay for all that?
Go for it if you think you can cope.. im 26 and even though I love him with all my heart no matter what I wish I had of waited until I was much older until I had him, purely for the fact I would have been more financially secure, more mature in myself and more able to choose a better father than I did, my son is more mature than he is as it happens (to give an example, my son had to go into hospital to have an infected tooth out, his father told him the night before that people who go into hospital for an operation could die.. I left him.. )
Think long and hard before you make this choice, chances are your boyfriend won't stick around anyway.

chevy666 · May 14, 2007, 02:20 PM

Trust me you don't want to have a baby at this age n How I know all this is because (btw I'm 14 2) ever since I was like thirteen I always wanted to have a baby but now I also realize that you'll be tied down with that baby and when your friends call and want you to go do something with them you can't because you'll have your baby

boredness · May 15, 2007, 05:04 PM

Yea there is a chance that they could make you give it up for adoption.

tawnynkids · May 23, 2007, 01:09 PM

I am only going to respond but I saw that the OP has been on here since her post. I don't think you are meaning to be selfish at all. I think you are feeling hurt, alone, not valued and unimportant. But I don't think you really want a baby as much as you want someone to love you and you want those people to see you are worth loving. Yes, a baby will be someone to love and he/she will love you back unconditionally.

You made some important statements... "but i always feel everybody is given me the crap.. and nobody thinks im good enough to be somebody.. when i do things i give it my all.. and nobody respects it". That says a lot about why you want this. You are trying to find a way to feel the love you crave and prove that to others. You know a baby is a great deal of responsibility so I am not going to lecture you on that, you have had enough above.

What I am going to say is go talk to someone, a school counselor, someone from church, maybe ask your parents to let you see a professional counselor. Deal with the feelings you have and give yourself a chance to grow up a bit before you do anything rash. You do deserve to feel loved and respected maybe someone outside your family can help make your family members see that and realize how you are in pain. Maybe that will get you what you really want. Good luck.