[Emily12994]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 2 years now. We're both pretty young so I never thought this would be a problem! At the beginning of our relationship we would practically do it every second, then things started getting dry. I've talk to him about it multiple times but he doesn't enjoy confrontation and replies saying he will work on it. Any way a couple of weeks ago I was typing something on his computer. I saved the document to send to myself. As I was attaching the document I noticed a file on his computer with pictures of some girls. I opened the file and there was hundreds of pictures of naked girls, including pictures of my own friends (in bathing suits) this was very disturbing to me and I yelled at him and almost broke it off! But I love him too much and begged for him to work on our relationship/ sex life. But since then the same happens. Pretty much he will only have sex with me in the morning when I'm not even awake. There is no foreplay, and it's the same position every time which only lasts like 10 minutes. I'm not even into, because he doesn't want to please me
Or give me an organism. So tonight I decided to get a little tipsy and he drank as well. I hopped into bed naked waiting for him. I began to kiss him, but things felt awkward like he knew what was coming but didn't want it. I said I feel like you don't want to have sex ( as I am horny as ! ) and he responds I'm tired I'm going to go to sleep, turns over and attempts to go to sleep. Now I'm sitting here crying very fed up ! He is so stubborn and won't admit what he is doing is killing our relationship. I love him so much and want this to work and want to keep the spark alive what do I do?

[smoothy]

Time to wake up and smell the coffee... its clear he's not all that into you. It doesn't really matter why.

Time to move on to someone else that is. Lifes too short to waste it on people that aren't a good match... and its obvious he isn't.

You need to learn how to separate lust for love... you said you are both young... exactly how young? It could explain a lot.

Love and lust feel a lot alike... but are very different.

[N0help4u]

Smoothy isvright he lost interest in you.get out and find someone more compatible.

[Emily12994]

I am 19 he is 21. Everything in our relationship is perfect, we've been best friends for like 4 years. I don't think were not a good match, it's just frustrating. He shows me a lot of love and stuff it's just the sex part. What do you mean about distinguishing lust from love? Thank you

[smoothy]

Lust comes on hard and strong and is heavily influenced by hormones and fades as familiarity builds... (can be 6 months to almost 3 years)... love takes a lot of time to grow, and is mostely cerebral.

If he was a good match... there wouldn't be any big issues... this is a big issue.

WHile you might make good friends... you make lousy boyfriend-girlfriend however.

It happens... you are also at the ages where you go through the greatest change... and you apopear to be going in different directions... not the same one.

You also don't make someone change into what you want... they are who they are. You have to accept them that way.. because while soemone can pretend for a period.. they always fall back into what comes naturally to them.

And I see a situation where you both can't be happy.



.

[Emily12994]

That makes a lot of sense. Thanks for the advice

[smoothy]

That makes a lot of sense. Thanks for the advice

I left out one part... if love is growing as the lust fades.. it will or at least can be a smooth transition.

It actually takes having a few relationship where the love never grows... or some where you never had the lust part... but the love grew to see the differences... and they are subtle.

[N0help4u]

If you live each other and do not feel Its loss of interest causing the problem then you accept he does not want sex and be on his terms. Do not push for it. Many guys are turned off by that.

[maj77]

Hi
I understand you really want to stay with him and not to break so I respect your decision and not going to tell you to leave him.
I am not a professional but I can tell you what goes in most of men in that age as I experience the same when I was in his age.
As I a man I know we can get bored of a women so quickly like other fancy things in the life like nice car , clothes or.. but it doesn't mean we don't want them any more we just always want to try new one.
Maybe most of the guys here say no this not right but com on this unfortunately absolutely true every man like to be with different women all the time but some learn how to control this feeling as they get older and have more reason to stay with the same women rather than sex like children or comfort or even finance issue sometimes and by the time they get use to each others.
This doesn't mean you have no chance you can buy his love again by being different person every day
Trying different hair style or color, different style in your clothes, different perfume try to pedicure and manicure more often, different nail polish than you often use or even to surprise him an uniform when his coming to bed all this can give you a different look all the time so simply he won't get bored of you and remember to not easily give it to, him tease him then let him to ask for it then you deny let him bag for it we don't like to get any thing to easy.
I guaranty it works or you won't even want to be with this guy if he still say no he has issue :)
Good luck

[talaniman]

I respectfully submit your reaction to what you found on your computer could have been a lot calmer and less threatening. You might have learned something and not closed him up. This isn't about sex, but how you relate and interact when a problem comes up.

Throwing a fit is hardly conducive to sharing, and caring, or communicating, and he obviously resents you for it.

[Emily12994]

If you live each other and do not feel Its loss of interest causing the problem then you accept he does not want sex and be on his terms. Do not push for it. Many guys are turned off by that.

I agree with you, I feel like when I get upset about it it makes it worst! Thank you:)

Throwing a fit is hardly conducive to sharing, and caring, or communicating, and he obviously resents you for it.

I try to
Talk to him calmly asking him why and what's wrong but he won't respond. He knows what he is doing isn't fair and won't own up to it. Then I start getting mad because he won't talk to me about it. I want to work through it rationally but I think he feels like I blame him.

hi
i understand u really want to stay with him and not to break so i respect your decision and not going to tell you to leave him.
i am not a professional but i can tell you what goes in most of men in that age as i experience the same when i was in his age.

Thank you! This was advice I was looking for. I don't want to break it off I believe in fighting for love and relationships I wouldn't break it off because of this. I will try to spice myself up thanks!

[smoothy]

You are going to learn... fight all you want... but you can't turn a bad relationship into a good one... you can ssucced in wasting years trying.

A good relationship might take some work to maintain... but it will never require a fight.(even figuratively).

[Cat1864]

Thank you! This was advice I was looking for. I don't want to break it off I believe in fighting for love and relationships I wouldn't break it off because of this. I will try to spice myself up thanks!

Emily, I think you need to stop and think. Stop reacting and doing what you think will work. It hasn't been, has it?

Fighting for love is great. But you have to look at how you are fighting for it. If you are putting pressure on him to have sex or putting blame on him for sex becoming less frequent, then he is going to react in a negative way. Pressure to have sex is a libido limiter that can turn into a libido killer.

He is trying to have sex with you when you are asleep. This says that spicing things up isn't the problem. He isn't looking for 'spice'.

What are your expectations? Do you equate sexual intercourse with love? Can you accept that the frequency of sex does slow down in an established relationship?

Something (may I missed it) that doesn't appear to have been mentioned is what is his life like? Is he stressed? What hours does he work/go to school? Are you on the same schedule? When are you attempting to ask him for ask him for sex? Would it work if you woke up earlier and tried then?

When you have tried to talk to him, how do you approach the subject? Do you keep going on until he says what you want to hear? Do you listen to him when he tries to say what he thinks or feels? Getting drunk/tipsy and trying to start something isn't going to work. Discussing it in the bedroom isn't going to work. You have to be as open to listening to him and accepting his needs as you want him to be of yours.

You need to work on communicating with him. Not talking at him or treating him like you are his teacher and he is your student. You are partners act like it. Don't think that everything else in this relationship is working.

Bedroom issues generally are affected by and in turn affect every other aspect of the relationship. Talk with him about everything. Make talking about sex just another subject. Remember there are no wrong answers. There is no set 'normal'. Relationships have ups and downs. They have times when sex takes a back seat to other things. If the couple doesn't react negatively and panic when there are changes, the relationship and people in it can adapt.

Talk and listen. Make it comfortable for him to work with you instead of saying what you want and doing nothing.