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whammy25 · Jul 13, 2013, 06:00 AM

Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over two years. I suffer from endometriosis and one of the effects is that I can be in pain after sex. But I've told him its not anything bad! I'm 19 he is 26 and we used to have sex everyday and now its been over two months and even now its once a month if lucky.

He watches porn a lot and I don't have very good self confidence as it is :/ He told me once that he just doesn't get aroused by me and its because my boobs are too small, or my stomach has swollen (side effect of endometriosis). Since then I'm finding it really hard to trust him and now he won't touch me or kiss me. I feel disgusting, like am I really that ugly and fat! I just want to feel loved and wanted, he says he loves me but I just don't know. If I try to initiate anything nothing happens he makes me feel uncomfortable.

What am I doing wrong? What do I do?

N0help4u · Jul 13, 2013, 06:32 AM

Dump him. Hes shallow and his answer to fix things is turn to a porn addiction. You can't change things and he does not see problem since he 'fixed' it with porn

joypulv · Jul 13, 2013, 06:37 AM

Ditto, dump him. I couldn't give nohelp a greenie.
It never ceases to amaze me how many people stay with someone when they are miserable.
You haven't said one peep about how you feel about HIM.
He apparently feels secure in just saying he loves you and then not touching you.
You apparently feel insecure about all of this, and equate watching porn and not touching you as a sign that he can't be trusted.
ERGO: time to leave!

whammy25 · Jul 13, 2013, 08:15 AM

Thank you, I suppose I didn't really say much about me. Ive suffered with depression my whole life and my last serious ex forced himself on me and it took me awhile to be 'free' with my current boyf. We do have so much fun together but its as soon as the subject occurs of sex or anything like that it turns to . Im seeing him later and will let you all know what happens. Thank you again xxx

odinn7 · Jul 13, 2013, 08:19 AM

He could be having some sort of ED and just is unwilling to admit it...

With that said, I still think it's disgusting that he would say those things to you and claim to love you at the same time. He is an unfeeling jerk if he can just tell you that kind of stuff and not think anything about it.

You don't deserve this.

whammy25 · Jul 13, 2013, 08:19 AM

... and I do love him, he makes me laugh and smile, his been with me throughout every surgery/hospital appointments, my dad leaving and I've been with him when his grandad passed away and his step mum. He does make me feel loved but like I said.. . sex/making love is a whole other subject, I do have a very low sex drive but that is down to my treatment.

joypulv · Jul 13, 2013, 08:51 AM

Let's be fair... if you have a low sex drive, then what exactly matters to you? Do you want sex or not, or just cuddling and affection?
It's not unreasonable for him to not want sex with you if you don't want it, period.
Perhaps all you need is to ask for cuddling and specifically say 'sex not necessary.'
You may feel that he has to 'follow through' because he's a man? Not true.
You may think that a man who loves you has to desire you for sex? Not true.
He may be confused about what you want as well as what you want, and I think you are confused about what you are supposed to want.

You two need a good long heart to heart.

odinn7 · Jul 13, 2013, 08:53 AM

I agree with Joy. If you don't want sex, then what are you looking for?

I still don't agree with the way he talks to you and what he said but there are 2 sides to every story.

talaniman · Jul 13, 2013, 09:05 AM

I think you start with your own issues of self confidence and let it lead to honest direct dialog. Only then can you proceed in identifying how this gets resolved, and know what you can do to help each other feel better.

whammy25 · Jul 13, 2013, 04:28 PM

I do want sex with him, when we used to I felt so much closer with him, I felt loved. But to be honest I could deal with just the hugs and kisses, but I feel no passion in them, its just a quick peck. I want him to grab me and hold me and make me feel like he is crazy about me. Ive told him this before but he says that he just doesn't feel comfortable and that he shouldn't, I know that he can be worried cause of what my ex did but I've explained to him thousands of times that I don't want it to be an issue, I'm getting past it. We are having a talk later on tonight. If I'm perfectly honest I just want to feel special again.