[Oliver2011]

my husband from the starting never loved me..he just says that ....he just wanted a girl who can take care of the family n show me off in his friend circle....he does fulfill my wishes...but i never was attracted towards him coz hes very very fat...i feel ashamed to introduce him to my friends etc...n hes dominating tooo its a big turn off...i found every happiness in my boyfriend only...i jus want him back ....pllzzz

"n show me off in his friend circle...."

I am guessing the times he shows you off are few and far between.

You are miserable but you and only you created this miserable life. It is yours to fix. I agree with Joy - you only think of yourself.

[Cat1864]

i really love my boyfriend...n i want to see him happpy...im not selfish...ill tried letting him go for his happiness but still struggling...n about my husband we did gave a chance to better our relationship but not much changes were seen....if i dont knw his fav colour, movie ,hobbies...he dosent knw mine either....i knw i am not giving my 100% to my marrige but i a trying too....i want evryone to b happpy n me tooo...is that so difficult....

From what you have told us, your boyfriend has always been in the picture. If not by his choice, then by you holding on to thoughts of him. You have not let him go and allowed the memories to fade. You seem to cling to them and him. You have to let go.

I know I am from a completely different culture. I do not fully understand the concept of arranged marriages or parents/family having a major say in who you marry. I do know that any marriage-love or arranged-needs complete commitment if it is going to succeed. Happiness is something you have to find inside yourself. If you do, then you stand a greater chance of finding it in your marriage.

You have to let the boyfriend go. You have to decide from this day forward you are going to find other things in your life to increase your happiness. I don't know what those things are. It is up to you to find them. It could be a hobby. It could be going to school. It could something as simple a looking around you and thinking how lucky you are to be alive and well.

Decide to be happy and you will be. I am not saying it will be easy. However, life isn't easy. But it doesn't have to be harder than it is. Your choice: Happiness or Misery? Which one do you want to nurture?

[only depressed]

Had a talk with my boyfriend yeaterday... he said he was still confused and now finally said just want to keep me as a friend as I was being over possesive about him... I told him to be happy in watever he decides... so finally I am alonen in bad state trying to fix up my marriege or may be breaking it up...

[Cat1864]

had a talk with my boyfriend yeaterday...he said he was still confused n now finally said just want to keep me as a friend as i was being over possesive about him...i told him to be happy in watever he decides....so finally i am alonen in bad state trying to fix up my marriege or may be breaking it up...

Do not think in terms of what your ex decides. Make the decision to let go for yourself. Put the negative thoughts aside and look for positive ones. It will affect how you feel and see the world around you.

You have other friends, don't you? Can you talk to them about fixing your marriage and finding ways to make yourself happy?

If your husband is willing, you might consider Marriage Counseling. If he isn't, you might consider counseling for yourself. It would give you someone to talk to face-to-face about your feelings and ways to move forward.

I hope everything works out for the best for you.

[only depressed]

I hope so... this might add some meaning to my life... thanks evryone for advising n helping me out...

[Oliver2011]

i hope so...this might add some meaning to my life...thanks evryone for advising n helping me out...

I am pretty convinced you haven't heard a word we said.

[only depressed]

Of course I did... im trying to work on my marriage... letting my boyfriend to be happy in watever he wants... now where am I wrong...

[only depressed]

Fine I am still not over it... its difficult to stay alone... I miss himm...

[Oliver2011]

Again - if you are in love with Guy A you don't marry Guy B.

And since he is married you need to leave him alone completely. There is no way you can save your marriage and continue to talk to him. You are basically emotionally cheating on your husband and that is wrong.

[talaniman]

Leave the guy alone, and eventually you WILL get over him, and be able to deal with reality. Takes time, and work, so don't just sit and dwell on the past, or your feelings. Get busy and make your world a happier place and stop the pity party.

Do something good for yourself, right now.

[Homegirl 50]

She is married too. I think she is more miserable and obsessed than in love.

[only depressed]

I have given lot for other people happiness always... whether it were my past relations or present... I am not that strong enough to compromise each time for others... I tried giving my marriage a chance it did not work... I am still trying... but I guessil always remain empty handed... no one cares and understand me even thou I go out of the way to help them in all terms...

[Homegirl 50]

You keep trying or you leave the marriage. Your life can be full. Are there things you enjoy doing? Do you work, take classes? You need to find your happiness but not with a man who is married.

[talaniman]

i have given lot for other people happiness always...whether it were my past relations or present ...i am not that strong enough to compromise each time for others...i tried giving my marriage a chance it did not work...i am still trying...but i guessil always remain empty handed....no one cares n understand me even thou i go outta the way to help them in all terms...

That's a load of bull, and you know it. Get off the pity pot and help yourself by getting stronger than you say you are not. Stop making dumb excuses for you not doing good things for yourself. Or acting in YOUR best interests.

You have been taking the easy way out for a long time, and it about time you got busy for yourself. The love for others is FALSE if you do not know how to love YOURSELF.

[Oliver2011]

Holy crappies I totally agree. No one on this planet can have pity for you because you have soooooooooo much for yourself.

"i go outta the way to help them in all terms... " - I don't agree. Reread your posts. You only think about you. Even if your marriage ended Guy B is still off limits.

You need to appreciate what you have and know there are always people far off worse than you. Try volunteering at some organization so that you can give back to this world. You know - it isn't all about you.

[only depressed]

I can't be happy and satisfied with anything in my life... tried all good thoughts ,messages,worship,meditation,exercises... nothings helping...

[Homegirl 50]

Then you need to keep trying. This man has a wife he chooses to stay with.
You need to get a life. Are you still in your marriage?

[only depressed]

He recently found out his wife is cheating on him... hes confused n he doesn't want to get separated becoz of family issues... im in mid way... trying to work out on my marriage tooo...

[Fr_Chuck]

There are only two correct choices, you both divorce, and then be with him.

Or you stop seeing him completely and either divorce and have own life, or work on your marriage.

You can not, and should not be with him, and either of you married.

[Homegirl 50]

He finds out his wife is cheating and he still wants to stay. He chose her, but if you two are still talking to each other, he is cheating as well.
You guys need to either divorce your spouses or leave each other alone.