[ocean2013]

This is a real story and very interesting one. I hope I will get a feedback Thank you in advance…

I started seeing a guy who I knew for 16 years; we started seeing each other for a job discussion but afterwards our discussion turned into a getting to know each other. We started talking and texting each other. Whenever we got together we were both enjoyed our entertainment. He loves mid-eastern food; I cooked and baked what he liked. We did not sleep but kissed and touched only because we are trying to find out who we are and as a respect to family because he has known my family for over 20 years. We talked on the phone for hours and hours. He lives 40 minutes away so he was coming to see me few times during the week and sometime over the weekend and was leaving late to get back home. So we both had to sacrifice until he would move to where I live which his home town.

When we start talking he had to go to a wedding out of state (about 10 days later; so we are not serious yet but getting to know each other). Again we were not that serious at beginning. He did not call or text me. I texted him and he rarely responded because he was busy. One night I started constantly texting him, called him, he got back saying he will call and this is happening after 12 pm which he is with his friends. I did not respect him and I kept texting him, called him and started yelling at him. After that he did not call me for a while. The next day I apologize to him for the constant messages and calling him. A few days later before he was heading home he got back to me with text and told me about what I did was wrong and said he would talk to me when he gets back. We talked it over and I told him I will make it up for him and he was okay with it. And then first time we went out for dinner and after we again started talking on the phone long hours and texting.

Another time we talked over the phone and then said each other good night. He had to sleep because he had to get up early. Again I kept texting him and he got back to me saying I am sleeping but I did not stop texting. The texting last one and a half hours which he couldn’t sleep because of me. He told me he will tell my brother because I did not listen him. I did not text him for few days. I asked him if I can text him in case I have a question about work related. He said yes but only up to certain time at night. So we started talking again.
This is last thing what happened. We talked for hours again and he said he will go to sleep which was 12 pm or so. I again start texting him, he called me said that my ex was right about how crazy I was. He told me to delete his contact and block his name so I don’t call or text him. He told me he cannot get back with me anymore because he said it will happen again and for that reason he doesn’t want to ruin his relationship with my brother which I respect that a lot. He said he is not the guy who can handle things like that, and I should find someone who can handle lots of texting. And he told me that he will tell my brother for what I did because I did not listen him. And he did tell my brother. My brother called me and said few things and also said that not call or text him until he tell me so.

I believe he is the one for me as the qualifications fits to me as far as I got to know him. My thing is that if my brother told me not to text him or call, is that means he told my brother I need some time or that mean my brother is going to ask him if he still wants to be friends with me?

Thanks in advance for your comments.

[J_9]

How old are the two of you? This sounds like teenage drama.

You need to stop being so needy smothering. Men don't like that. Were you this needy with your ex?

[Jake2008]

Like you said a few times, the relationship started with the intent of both of you, to get to know each other.

That works both ways.

With the relationship in the early stages, and you harassing him such as you have, he DID get to know you as having a problem controlling yourself.

That is intimidating to anyone to be treated in such a manner. It got to such an extent that he wanted your brother to assist him in getting you to stop bothering him.

I don't get the impression that you understand why you do what you do, and it has probably happened before with new relationships, or friendships. You have no 'stops' or any sense of just how wrong your behavior is.

I can only imagine if the relationship became intimate; your behavior escalating is a scary thought.

Please realize that it is very clear this man wants nothing to do with you.

Learn from what has happened, take responsibility for it, and don't do it with the next person you wish to get to know.

Leave him alone.

[ocean2013]

How old are the two of you? This sounds like teenage drama.

You need to stop being so needy smothering. Men don't like that. Were you this needy with your ex?

Lm 36 he is 39, yes l was kund of like that, but lm going to change and hope that he will get back to me, what you think?

Like you said a few times, the relationship started off with the intent of both of you, to get to know each other.

That works both ways.

With the relationship in the early stages, and you harassing him such as you have, he DID get to know you as having a problem controlling yourself.

That is intimidating to anyone to be treated in such a manner. It got to such an extent that he wanted your brother to assist him in getting you to stop bothering him.

I don't get the impression that you understand why you do what you do, and it has probably happened before with new relationships, or friendships. You have no 'stops' or any sense of just how wrong your behavior is.

I can only imagine if the relationship became intimate; your behavior escalating is a scary thought.

Please realize that it is very clear this man wants nothing to do with you.

Learn from what has happened, take responsibility for it, and don't do it with the next person you wish to get to know.

Leave him alone.

Tx for your respond, yes l know l sld and must change, lm kind of embarrassed that he will remember who lm not...

[Tc123]

I know you believe he is the one for you but he may not feel that way. I don't want to hurt your feelings and I could also be wrong.

It sounds as though things really got off to a great start until all of the texts and such. Can I ask why you kept texting him after he told you that he needed to go to sleep? I just know that I would be turned off also. The only way I can try to give you an idea of what it might be like is to ask you to turn the tables. Can you put yourself in his position? Just try to imagine that someone keeps doing those things to you. I am not sure if you would mind it or not really. The feeling someone would get is pretty uncomfortable and again, I don't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm hoping you can somehow understand that feeling smothered is unhealthy. No one really likes that.

Things seemed to go back to normal again after the first foul-up but then you repeated the very actions that turned him away. I know it's tough to always understand our behavior as humans but believe me, you can work on it. Recognize your behavior first and then see what you can do. It is completely up to you but if you really continue to have the same problem repeatedly and cannot control yourself, you can always try a counselor or therapy. This does not mean you are ugly in any way, shape, or form if you chose this route. And what I mean by "ugly" is not your looks. I'm sure you are beautiful. When I say "ugly", I am referring to you as a person, who you are on the inside. So please don't think it means a negative or that people will look at you differently if you chose therapy. That would be their problem and not yours.

As far as you're very last question in your original post, I am only guessing that it could be a little bit of both. This gentleman may indeed want space and/or only want to be friends. I don't want to give you false hope but who knows? If you could change or alter your behavior to where it is acceptable, maybe he would reconsider and you both could work on things. If not, at least any changes you do choose to make will be so good (and healthy) for you in the long run.

Best of luck to you!

[ocean2013]

I know you believe he is the one for you but he may not feel that way. I don't want to hurt your feelings and I could also be wrong.

It sounds as though things really got off to a great start until all of the texts and such. Can I ask why you kept texting him after he told you that he needed to go to sleep? I just know that I would be turned off also. The only way I can try to give you an idea of what it might be like is to ask you to turn the tables. Can you put yourself in his position? Just try to imagine that someone keeps doing those things to you. I am not sure if you would mind it or not really. The feeling someone would get is pretty uncomfortable and again, I don't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm hoping you can somehow understand that feeling smothered is unhealthy. No one really likes that.

Things seemed to go back to normal again after the first foul-up but then you repeated the very actions that turned him away. I know it's tough to always understand our behavior as humans but believe me, you can work on it. Recognize your behavior first and then see what you can do. It is completely up to you but if you really continue to have the same problem repeatedly and cannot control yourself, you can always try a counselor or therapy. This does not mean you are ugly in any way, shape, or form if you chose this route. And what I mean by "ugly" is not your looks. I'm sure you are beautiful. When I say "ugly", I am referring to you as a person, who you are on the inside. So please don't think it means a negative or that people will look at you differently if you chose therapy. That would be their problem and not yours.

As far as you're very last question in your original post, I am only guessing that it could be a little bit of both. This gentleman may indeed want space and/or only want to be friends. I don't want to give you false hope but who knows? If you could change or alter your behavior to where it is acceptable, maybe he would reconsider and you both could work on things. If not, at least any changes you do choose to make will be so good (and healthy) for you in the long run.

Best of luck to you!

Tx for your response. L truly have to say that lm totally embarrassed because of what happened, yes l did put myself in his shoe and l see that as disrespectful, therefore l m sad because l hurt him, and most of all he is my brother's best friend. L want go ask my brother if he is ever going to talk to me but l think it is not my place to ask right? It has been 10 days since it happened.

[Oliver2011]

"He told me to delete his contact and block his name so I don't call or text him" - Good for him. Hallelujah and all those other things people say. He sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders.

When I read that I agree with J-9 - it did sound like teenage drama. I was shocked to see your real ages. Holy crappies - who in their right mind would want to be anywhere near you after that. No he won't give you a second chance. You showed him your true colors and he ran away from you. Smart man.

The only positive you can take from this is if you learn from it and don't let it happen again. Guys don't want to be around possessive controlling nut jobs and if that is what you show future guys expect them to run too.

[Jake2008]

Let's say you got yourself into therapy, and gave the therapist your original question, printed out. I think it is safe to say, that she will see things that will have little red flags.

In particular, it is because you do not seem to understand the seriousness of your actions, nor the reasons behind them.

Your behavior would scare away anybody, and again, that characteristic of getting fixated on making something happen, is very self destructive, and must be caused by something.

If this is highly unusual behavior for you, or you have never had any mental health issues, the situation has triggered something in you, that should be addressed, in order that you have some understanding of yourself.

[N0help4u]

You say he meets your qualifications, but that does by no means mean it's a 2 way street. Sounds like you created a dead end. My advice is learn from your mistakes and move on. Girls texting non stop especially at night when a guy is trying to sleep, yeah its going to turn him totally off

[ocean2013]

I know you believe he is the one for you but he may not feel that way. I don't want to hurt your feelings and I could also be wrong.

It sounds as though things really got off to a great start until all of the texts and such. Can I ask why you kept texting him after he told you that he needed to go to sleep? I just know that I would be turned off also. The only way I can try to give you an idea of what it might be like is to ask you to turn the tables. Can you put yourself in his position? Just try to imagine that someone keeps doing those things to you. I am not sure if you would mind it or not really. The feeling someone would get is pretty uncomfortable and again, I don't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm hoping you can somehow understand that feeling smothered is unhealthy. No one really likes that.

Things seemed to go back to normal again after the first foul-up but then you repeated the very actions that turned him away. I know it's tough to always understand our behavior as humans but believe me, you can work on it. Recognize your behavior first and then see what you can do. It is completely up to you but if you really continue to have the same problem repeatedly and cannot control yourself, you can always try a counselor or therapy. This does not mean you are ugly in any way, shape, or form if you chose this route. And what I mean by "ugly" is not your looks. I'm sure you are beautiful. When I say "ugly", I am referring to you as a person, who you are on the inside. So please don't think it means a negative or that people will look at you differently if you chose therapy. That would be their problem and not yours.

As far as you're very last question in your original post, I am only guessing that it could be a little bit of both. This gentleman may indeed want space and/or only want to be friends. I don't want to give you false hope but who knows? If you could change or alter your behavior to where it is acceptable, maybe he would reconsider and you both could work on things. If not, at least any changes you do choose to make will be so good (and healthy) for you in the long run.

Best of luck to you!

L just love him

[J_9]

No, you are addicted to him. If you loved him, you would have given him his space. Rather, you acted like a stalker.

[ocean2013]

No, you are addicted to him. If you loved him, you would have given him his space. Rather, you acted like a stalker.

I know that I blew him away now he has all his space and in the mean while I am changing my behavior but someone can give me a little hope...

[talaniman]

The hope you give yourself is in the changes you make to be a better more considerate person.

[ocean2013]

The hope you give yourself is in the changes you make to be a better more considerate person.

Tx... you are a good hearted person...

[JudyKayTee]

"l just love him:

Abuse and mistreament in the name of love are still abuse and mistreatment.

I am surprised that you use so much text speak at your age - I find the text speak makes it difficult to take you seriously.

"I believe he is the one for me as the qualifications fits to me as far as I got to know him. My thing is that if my brother told me not to text him or call, is that means he told my brother I need some time or that mean my brother is going to ask him if he still wants to be friends with me?" This is WAY too middle school for me - "I told my friend that I like him and she told him that I like him and he told her... " is on the teen board all the time. Yes, that means either your brother is psychic and knows what's going on in your life OR this "bf" told him that you a pest.

I think you behaved badly. I guess he thinks two strikes and you are out. I'd move on and stop embarrassing myself.

[none12345]

You're a little obsessive and clingy. He does not like that. There is an incompatibility there.

[Oliver2011]

You're a little obsessive and clingy. He does not like that. There is an incompatibility there.

That is putting it very mildly. I am not sure that most guys would use the words obsessive and clingy for what she did.

[Homegirl 50]

][he called me said that my ex was right about how crazy I was. He told me to delete his contact and block his name so I don't call or text him. He told me he cannot get back with me anymore because he said it will happen again and for that reason he doesn't want to ruin his relationship with my brother
I don't think he wants to hear from you again or will contact you. You behaved like a psycho, several times. This kind of behavior is a real turn off, desperation is not attractive. At your age you should have known better than to call and text a person all hours of the night like that. Get some help.

[JudyKayTee]

"You're a little obsessive and clingy"


If this is a little obsessive and clingy (?) I can't imagine what full blown out of control and stalking would entail.

Are we reading the same question?