[MillieMo]

Where do I start?
I have been with my husband for 16 years, and come July 6th, married for a year. We have two children under the age of 6. Throughout out time before we got married, my husband cheated on me, actually several times. The last being just after out first daughter was born. Every time I fought to get him back. I don't know if I was afraid of being on my own, or the fact that I knew no different - we met when we were 17.

The last time we split up for nearly 6 months. But I wanted him back, and he came back. Since then he has tried to be with other women, but not got very far. There was another time, but we didn't split up, but he went out of his way to try and be with her. At that point I was going through a tough time - my Dad had Kidney Cancer and was having an operation, and I'd just had our second daughter. I needed him, but he was more interested in other things. Shortly after this, we went on holiday and talked about stuff - we decided to get married. A year later we got married. Within 4 months, my husband bumped into an old friend, to whom he planned to run away with. To make matters worse, his Mum couldn't deal with our situation, got herself drunk (she is an alcoholic - but won't admit or get help) was looking after our eldest, and I had a phone call from my husband aunt, to say that I should collect our daughter as his mother was drunk, and threatening to overdose and to end her life -in front of our daughter. I ended up going round, and taking her to see the GP - to which in her drunken state, she let slip that my husband about a year before we got married got someone else pregnant - he got her to have an abortion. We argued about this, and he told me that he'd also had several one night stands before we got married. I felt sick to my stomach on hearing that.

My husband is an HGV driver and works away. For the next two days, I was numb and didn't know what to do with my life. My husbands mate posted something on Facebook, it was cryptic, so I posted are you OK. To which he sent me a PM and we started chatting. He became the reason I got out of bed. I had my husband sending me horrible texts and we had awful phone conversations, and his mate, was just a breath of fresh air.

Whilst talking to the mate, I found out that he'd fancied me from the first day that he met me, but had never said anything, as at the time he too was married - but his wife picked up on the fact that he fancied me. I was none the wiser.

The problem is now, that when things got really bad, I decided to go out, just for a few hours, and I met up with the mate. We talked and ended up kissing - but that was it. Whilst I know it was so wrong, it did feel so right, comfortable. We have been talking everyday. The mate discovered that his EX-Wife had slept with one of his mates, and he tried to change his views on how he felt about me, and I thought that he wasn't interested in me. He got drunk and the truth came out. The trouble is, I'm in love with the mate, and when my husband hugs me, I wish it were his mate.

I love my husband, and whist I feel awful I don't think that I'm in love with him.

If I try and work things out with my husband, I worry that give it 6 months and he'll be trying it on with someone else. But if I tell him I want a divorce, things aren't working out, that he will harm himself. The last thing I want to do is to hurt my husband, but at the same time I want to be happy.

[Oliver2011]

Holy crappies!

You need to make better decisions. Your husband showed you his behavior patterns over 16 years and you still married him? Your husband showed you his behavior patterns over 16 years and you still brought children into this world with him? Both of those decisions were very bad. So instead of being alone you chose to stay with this guy. Now you have had children. So basically you need to accept some of the blame for all of this drama.

And regarding the mate - you are not in love. Apparently you don't know what love is because that isn't it. So before you go make more bad decisions work to get your life in order. That may be with your husband or without, but stop the bad decision making. And again...

Holy crappies!

[JudyKayTee]

Maybe you can in good conscience cheat on your husband.

How can you hurt another woman in this way? On one hand you know what it's like to be cheated on.

On the other you are causing another woman potential pain.

I don't understand.