[Lemmo11]

I have been with my husband for 6 years and married for 10 weeks. Every thing's good. However for the past year there has always been a guy in work that I thought had a soft spot for me. Although I don't really know much about him and his personal life I know little bits and he lives and works in different places so more often than not stays in a hotel during the week. On a works night out last week I think my thoughts were confirmed he made a bee line for me and I got incredibly drunk... unfortunately I don't know exactly what happened although from what people have said we were dancing and he asked me to work for his company. (To clarify there's 4 companies under one roof and he is the managing director of one and I just work for another). As the night progressed I can only remember snippets but I think I acted quite inappropriately and was groping him and trying to kiss him. I cannot remember whether it happened, or whether it was a dream but I have some recollection of trying to kiss him alone outside. Whether it happened I am not sure.

Obviously there was talk at work and I haven't seen him since as he works away most the week. However all I do know is that he has not left my mind for a second since that night! And I just want to see him.

I need help and advice as I seriously don't want to throw my marriage away at all. But I hardly get any affection or compliments from my husband so that's why I have taken a shine to this guy. I have become obsessed spending hours getting ready for work and then not seeing him and my minds just spinning away with thoughts about him. Please help an don't judge! It's only human!

[teacherjenn4]

If your husband doesn't give you any affection or compliments, and you say it bothers you, why did you marry him ?

[odinn7]

I agree with Jenn as usual... you went out for 6 years and you've been married 10 weeks so I'm sure this lack of affection didn't just happen... why do the marriage thing in the first place then?

[Oliver2011]

Really? Only human? Everything's good? I think not. The only human part is making a bad decision to get married to someone when you had doubts. Relationships are difficult enough. Why would you add marriage to the equation with doubts?

If you continue to put yourself in bad situations (drunk with him after work) you might as well throw in the marriage surrender towel now. It just isn't going to work.

But you made a commitment to the man you chose to married. Therefore you should work to fix your marriage. Cheating is just not acceptable.

[Lemmo11]

Can I just add not everyone's perfect you know! Me and him included. You are never going to find someone who does exactly everything you want! Compared to some idiots I have been with showing little affection is not the end of the world. You have missed my point that I'm asking for advice over my work situation... I am actually happily married and want to nip my soft spot in the bud before it gets out of hand and I was looking for some advice and support! Everyone's human, everyone likes a little flirt but this has gone a little too far!

[Alty]

Here's the advice.

Yes, you're human, and yes, humans make mistakes. Every human that makes a mistake, chooses to do so. It's a choice, not an accident. You have a choice, you have to decide what that choice is going to be. Either work on your marriage, commit to it fully, talk to your husband about the issues you're having, and do your best to make it work, or tell yourself it's okay to flirt with this other guy, it's okay to cheat with this other guy, because you're not getting what you want from your husband. Your choice.

So, what do you do? You make your choice, and then you act accordingly. If you want to be free to flirt, to kiss, to do whatever with other guys, ask your husband for a divorce, and pursue this other guy. If you want your marriage to work, you stop flirting with this other guy, you ignore him completely, and you work on your marriage.

Marriage isn't easy, it does take work to make it work. If you're having issues with your husband, talk to him, get counseling if it's needed. I can tell you that flirting with and groping other guys, does not help your marriage. You both have to work at it. Your husband may not be everything you wanted him to be, but you chose to marry him. Your actions aren't helping the marriage either. You both have to work together, or go your separate ways.

Your choice. Don't blame bad choices on being human. There are plenty of humans that have good marriages and don't cheat, because they choose not to.

Good luck.

[Jake2008]

"... I have taken a shine to this guy. I have become obsessed spending hours getting ready for work and then not seeing him and my minds just spinning away with thoughts about him... "

You should never have married. I think given the chance, you would jump at the chance to enjoy the other man's company in his hotel room when he's in town. Just to talk of course.

That you've had a flame burning for this other man for a year, has, or will be reciprocated, if it hasn't already. It seems everybody knows about your lack of character at work, but even that doesn't seem to bother you. Your situation at work is what it is.

You went too far, and you're blaming it on alcohol, and lack of affection for your husband of 10 weeks, despite knowing him for six years. Really? You have to do better than that to justify your behavior, and nobody can help you do the obvious.

And that is, get your head wrapped around the infidelity part. Groping and kissing another man, other than your husband, being obsessed with another man- your words not mine, is cheating. The cheating- call it what you will- only stopped because the man went back to his work and travelling. I'd bet money on you having a rendezvous with him, had opportunity presented itself, the next day after you made a fool out of yourself.

I hope you don't have children, that are also subject to your lack of values, morals, and good judgment. I doubt it would have even mattered to you if the other man was married- all you have is, as you said, snippets of information about him- gossip- that could very well not be true.

You are being judged, because, it may just knock some sense into you.

Get into counseling if you can't let this other man go, and figure out a way to improve yourself, so that your husband is not being betrayed, and your marriage might- just might- have a chance of survival.

[talaniman]

It may well be human to have feelings for others, even while married. You cannot control having feelings or what they are. You can control your actions and what you do about those feelings though, and stay within the lines of good behavior, at work, and where ever you go no matter who it is.

Don't let the flaws of your marriage or partner be an excuse for stupidity and bad behavior. Being drunk in public is stupid, bad behavior. No excuse for that either. Making a spectacle of yourself among work colleagues is stupid too, and no excuse for that either.

Bad behavior must be changed not added too, so do better.