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tazzwoman99 · Jun 12, 2013, 02:23 PM

We have been together for 30 years, and he comes home from work and says I have to leave I need some time, I don't know if I still have feelings for you.

I and everyone that knows us thought we had a great marriage, he won't talk to me or anyone for that matter, not even his best friend. We all just want to help him, please help me, win his love back. He really is my whole world and I'm just devastated.

talaniman · Jun 12, 2013, 03:07 PM

Stop trying to help him, and help yourself. That will give him time to deal with whatever this is without you or friends, and you can build something without him. Back off and get others out of this.

Jake2008 · Jun 12, 2013, 04:09 PM

After 30 years of marriage, which is a lifetime, I say you are owed at least an explanation.

If his friends and family are also bewildered with his sudden change, I would hope that they too would be asking questions.

I take it he has already moved out?

What were things like prior to him moving- were there any clues? And how long has he been gone now.

tazzwoman99 · Jun 13, 2013, 04:28 AM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

After 30 years of marriage, which is a lifetime, I say you are owed at least an explanation.

If his friends and family are also bewildered with his sudden change, I would hope that they too would be asking questions.

I take it he has already moved out?

What were things like prior to him moving- were there any clues? And how long has he been gone now.

Yes he has moved out, he is living at our daughter's house, we had a rough spot in feb, when our grandson got sick, but I thought it brought us closer than we ever were, he opened up to me saying he thought I hated him,(he was also laid off for 2 months), but I did everything to reasure him everything would be OK, we had been through this before and came out on top, we were like kids falling in love again, we did everything together and went on dates again, then on June 7th , he just came home from work and said, I have to leave it hasn't been good for a long time, and I don't know if I feel anything for you, he kissed me goodbye and he left

Jake2008 · Jun 13, 2013, 07:23 AM

If he's moved in with your daughter right now, that is only a temporary solution.

Has your daughter got any clue as to what's going on with him?

There were no signs? Is alcohol involved? Has he ever been unfaithful? Have you? Did the two of you argue about things? Was he ever diagnosed with depression or any other illness?

For the two of you to sit and talk, would probably offer up some clues. Have you tried to see him?

tazzwoman99 · Jun 13, 2013, 02:19 PM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

If he's moved in with your daughter right now, that is only a temporary solution.

Has your daughter got any clue as to what's going on with him?

There were no signs? Is alcohol involved? Has he ever been unfaithful? Have you? Did the two of you argue about things? Was he ever diagnosed with depression or any other illness?

For the two of you to sit and talk, would probably offer up some clues. Have you tried to see him?

Like I said , he won't talk to anyone, and as for signs, no not really, I knew he was depressed, and sent him to the doctors, he's on meds for it, alcohol, he is an occasional drinker, he or I have never been unfaithful, we had a normal marriage and we fought over the everyday things. He won't see me, or talk to me. I went to the doctors and he said my husband is having a mid life crisis, he has lost his identity, and purpose in life, but I still don't understand I have always been so reasuring with him so he wouldn't feel like this, I just want to know how to help him.

talaniman · Jun 13, 2013, 02:43 PM

How to Help Your Spouse Through A Midlife Crisis | eHow

8 Warning Signs That Your Man Is Having a Midlife Crisis - iVillage,

How to Help Your Spouse Through A Midlife Crisis?

Men at Midlife... Strategies to beat the challenges of middle age.

Have you gone through menopause yet?

Jake2008 · Jun 13, 2013, 03:09 PM

Well, considering what you have said, I'm really at a loss. I suspected depression, and that can often take months to find the correct medication and counseling is often recommended.

That he has already left his home, you, and his marriage, and won't talk to anybody about it, what are you left with but to wait.

I'm sorry that I can't help you. Maybe Tal's links will help.

tazzwoman99 · Jun 13, 2013, 03:33 PM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

Well, considering what you have said, I'm really at a loss. I suspected depression, and that can often take months to find the correct medication and counseling is often recommended.

That he has already left his home, you, and his marriage, and won't talk to anybody about it, what are you left with but to wait.

I'm sorry that I can't help you. Maybe Tal's links will help.

Thank you for your time and effort

tazzwoman99 · Jun 13, 2013, 07:03 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

How to Help Your Spouse Through A Midlife Crisis | eHow

8 Warning Signs That Your Man Is Having a Midlife Crisis - iVillage,

How to Help Your Spouse Through A Midlife Crisis?

Men at Midlife... Strategies to beat the challenges of middle age.

Have you gone thru menopause yet?

I had a total hysterectomy at 35, so yes

talaniman · Jun 13, 2013, 07:40 PM

Are you presently receiving any hormone therapy, and if I may ask how is your relationship with your daughter? What's her position in all this? Is she an only child? Is she married with kids?

How far away does she live from you?

J_9 · Jun 13, 2013, 11:01 PM

I wonder about his health. Is he suffering depression? Thyroid disorder (can cause depression like symptoms)? Has he had his testosterone levels checked recently?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 13, 2013, 11:21 PM

You said he lost his job, so what type of job does he have now, same, or lower level, different, men often relate their job to their complete success.and a job loss can make them feel less than whole.

Also if he will not open up and try to work things out, there is nothing you can do.
To get help, you have to want help

tazzwoman99 · Jun 14, 2013, 06:03 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Are you presently receiving any hormone therapy, and if I may ask how is your relationship with your daughter? What's her position in all this? Is she an only child? Is she married with kids?

How far away does she live from you?

I am not receiving any treatment, my daughter and I have a great relationship, I have another daughter also, we have always been a very close and loving family. Both my daughters are upset with their dad, but are very supportive, to both of us. The daughter he is living with jusy got married last year and is expecting her first child, my other daughter is single with 2 children. She lives about 5 minutes away from me. They keep telling me he asks everyday how I am doing.

talaniman · Jun 14, 2013, 06:30 AM

For now you backup, and let him be with his kids. See it as a vacation for you both to recharge your emotional batteries. Enjoy yourself without him for a bit. What better hands could he be in than his own children.

Let him miss you, what's wrong with that? I speak from experience when I tell you that its as difficult for him to get through as for you. I bought a sports car, and a bunch of stuff I would never use. For guys its puberty backward. I think he is trying to make himself useful, and relevant.

tazzwoman99 · Jun 14, 2013, 06:52 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

For now you backup, and let him be with his kids. See it as a vacation for you both to recharge your emotional batteries. Enjoy yourself without him for a bit. What better hands could he be in than his own children.

Let him miss you, what's wrong with that? I speak from experience when I tell you that its as difficult for him to get thru as for you. I bought a sports car, and a bunch of stuff I would never use. For guys its puberty backward. I think he is trying to make himself useful, and relevant.

I'll try, thank you