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sangrampp · Mar 23, 2007, 08:30 PM

Hi all,
Let me start by introducing myself. I am 26 years old guy. I am gay and never been with a guy. I didn't like anyone that much to be with.
But for the past 4 years I am in love with my friend. He is the straightest guy I have seen - he is handsome, masculine and sexy.
It is not about the thrill of having a straight man; I have had none ( straight or gay guys ) so I don't know which one is more thrilling. Its just that I am madly in love with him - I have constant goose-bumps when I am with him.
This is not a crush and I know that I will not "get over him". What do I do?
Is there any way that I can get him?
Please help - I feel like dying without him.
Thanks in advance.

AKaeTrue · Mar 23, 2007, 08:46 PM

is there any way that I can get him?

Absolutely NOT... You said yourself that he's the straightest guy you've ever seen.
You will never "get" him... He is stright...
But do be careful with your feelings... You don't want to risk losing a friendship over this...

AKaeTrue · Mar 23, 2007, 08:47 PM

Have you tried meeting other gay men?

sangrampp · Mar 23, 2007, 08:48 PM

Originally Posted by AKaeTrue

Absolutely NOT... You said yourself that he's the straightest guy you've ever seen.
You will never "get" him... He is stright...
But do be careful with your feelings...You don't want to risk losing a friendship over this...

But I have read posts around that they seduced these straight guys. I am not into just sex - its OK if he doesn't even have sex with me - I just want the love reciprocated...

AKaeTrue · Mar 23, 2007, 08:50 PM

Do you really want to seduce a straight guy into being with you?
Not really fair to him (or you)... You could lose your friendship also... Is that worth it?

sangrampp · Mar 23, 2007, 08:51 PM

You I have tried meeting them. But I just can't get to love them. Maybe I will always be miserable...

sangrampp · Mar 23, 2007, 08:52 PM

I am not saying that he has to be exclusively with me. He can get married and have kids. I will always be devoted to him and love him. All I ask for is his love... I am willing to share him ( not that I mean it as a favour )

AKaeTrue · Mar 23, 2007, 08:54 PM

Does he know your gay?
Does this guy know about your feelings for him?

sangrampp · Mar 23, 2007, 08:55 PM

Please help me... I know it sounds pathetic but what can I do - I can't concentrate even on the most basic things in my life and this has gone for 4 years ( if I live to be 100 then that's 4% of my life) I don't think that I can get over him. I want him...

sangrampp · Mar 23, 2007, 08:56 PM

I am not sure whether he knows that I am gay. But the way I look at him - it must have been felt.

sangrampp · Mar 23, 2007, 08:58 PM

What shall I do... I love life and don't want to live misreable

sangrampp · Mar 23, 2007, 08:58 PM

How do I get him?? Can you help me out of my misery...

AKaeTrue · Mar 23, 2007, 09:02 PM

What kind of relationship do you two have?
Casual friends, acquaintances? Best friends? What?
When do you see him, hang out, etc...
Need more info...

I'll state that I won't help you seduce him...
But I might be able to help you sort through some of your feelings.
It may do you some good to talk about it.

sangrampp · Mar 23, 2007, 09:10 PM

I am casual friends with him. He has got a couple of best friends that he hangs out with all the time. But we meet at least once a day for some time - it is for professional purpose only. He doesn't drink or smoke. He is 3 years younger to me. Sometimes I go to sleep over at his place. But I usually resist doing that because I can't sleep through the night. He has mostly that casual friend mixed with business attitude towards me - it kills me ( here I am loving him more than my life willing to do anything and he feels like I am only a business college with some amounts of friendship ). He talks only business with me most of the time - some personal stuff here and there but that's it. How do I get him?? I know that you won't help me get him ( though luck for me) but whatever help you give is more than welcome. Thank you for taking the time and being so nice to me...

AKaeTrue · Mar 23, 2007, 09:49 PM

If you've been keeping all these feelings to yourself, then there's no wonder your feeling quite overwhelmed right now.
Chances are that this guy does not realize your gay (since you've never told him)...

If you know that he's not gay, then you should get into the habit of redirecting your thoughts.

This situation happened to a friend I had in high school.
He was gay and really liked a straight guy.
When the straight guy found out, he cut all contact with the other guy (who was my friend)... This rejection had a major impact on his wellbeing.

You can not make a straight man gay...
Saying you will share him... with his wife... come on now?? Lets get realistic... You don't want to be miserable.

In order to find a gay relationship, you need to find a gay man.
And only then will you be happy.

You've been feeding the thought of having a chance with this straight guy which is never going to happen. That's why you feel the way you do now.
You need to stop that...

I've had my heart broken before, it hurt too, but had I dwelt on it and not moved on, I would not have met my husband nor would I have my two wonderful children...

You must move on from this. Even though it doesn't seem like it right now, you will get over him. But it will only get worse for you if you keep obsessing over something that will never be.

Kae

talaniman · Mar 24, 2007, 05:37 AM

If you were real you would have told him honestly how you feel a long time ago, and risked his friendship as we all do. Stop obsessing and get over it, if your not going to be honest about yourself to him. Or show respect for the friendship and accept he will never be anything but casual friends.

ordinaryguy · Mar 24, 2007, 05:39 AM

Kae is absolutely right. This is an obsession that has nothing whatever to do with this guy, it's yours and yours alone to deal with. Stop feeding it. If you don't know how to redirect your thoughts and feelings, it's time to learn this essential life skill.

chameleonchick · Mar 24, 2007, 02:21 PM

People can't help being attracted to whatever gender they're attracted to so I guess what I'm saying is it's highly unlikely he's going to want to be more than friends with you after 23years of being straight. A start would be to tell him that you're gay and see how he reacts to it. I reckon once you tell him that, he'll wonder whether you fancy him or not(I don't consider this vain- it's probably natural to wonder) and contemplate his reactions in his own mind. You may not find out what he really thinks but at least there's a chance he'd be more prepared for this scenario if you do decide to tell him your feelings. Another course of action is to go out and try and have some fun. Do you have gay m8s? Go clubbing! I highly doubt you'd get through an entire night out without spotting someone you're attracted to. Give it a chance. You sound like such a sweet guy, give someone who actually wants you a chance instead of being hung up on a guy who doesn't even have the same sexual preferences. You won't know what's out there till you give it a go! This is the first piece of advice I've given on this site so I really hope it helps! Xx

chameleonchick · May 8, 2007, 07:23 AM

Sorry for the late reply- haven't been online for a long while. Im glad you liked my advice- let us know how it goes :)

anonymousteen09 · May 8, 2007, 07:29 AM

I'd would pretty much just say that you should talk to him, but don't freak out or anything on him or say anything that would affect your friendship. I have a lesbian friend who once told me she was attracted to me but I am straight and I told her how I felt about it and we are still friends. The chances of you 2 ending up together are slim because he is straight but let him know how you feel. That's the best thing you can do. I wish the best for you.