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WhipperSnapper · Jun 9, 2013, 06:10 AM

My boyfriend and I have been together for around 6 months. I believe him to be loyal, and I do trust him completely. At first we were having sex about 3 times a week, which isn't that much, but now I am lucky if it is once a week. I enjoy it, I feel so much love for him when we have sex and he is amazing at it, he tells me that I am fun and hot and that he loves it too, but if he really thinks that then why is he never interested? He turns me on so much and I'm very affectionate but he rarely touches me. It just makes me feel like I am not good enough for him, or he's getting bored of me now. We live together and sleep in the same bed every night, sometimes I ask if I can do some naughty things and he says no. I just don't understand, but it makes me feel really upset. I've been with guys before who couldn't stop touching me. I want to pleasure him and make him feel good, but it seems he doesn't want the same for me.

Wondergirl · Jun 9, 2013, 06:12 AM

What are your ages? What stressors does he have? How is your romantic life otherwise?

WhipperSnapper · Jun 20, 2013, 06:13 PM

20 and 24. I am still at university, yet it is not as pressuring as I had thought, and he has a part time job which he is currently very happy in. Nothing has significantly changed between when we first started dating, and now.

We don't really kiss, we cuddle a lot and watch films, we sleep very close together and he says he likes making me feel protected. We don't really talk about our feelings for each other, I am afraid that I feel a great deal more for him, than he does for me. I understand that I am a fair amount younger than he is, yet he has reassured me that this is not a worry to him and that he is most definitely okay with the age gap. Previous to him (not meaning to brag) but I had quite a few attractive guys who would pursue me all at once, I get attention from men and advances too (not that they are desired) and I know quite a few people who wish to be in his place, and yet he is not interested. He doesn't call me beautiful and I am not even sure if he thinks it.

talaniman · Jun 20, 2013, 06:47 PM

The lust has faded, but the love isn't growing. Lust and attraction is not love, just a small part.

smoothy · Jun 21, 2013, 08:37 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

The lust has faded, but the love isn't growing. Lust and attraction is not love, just a small part.

I'm with Talaniman... the new meat excitement (lust) has worn off for him and it hasn't been replaced by love... soimething that's really not uncommon. Sometimes its her, sometimes its him... sometimes its both...

But its an awkward position to be in before the disaffected party finally decides to speak up... And its worse with the other party is enamoured with you. Because you know they are going to be hurt when you tell them... which leads to long awkward periods before eit usually comes out.

Been there before... the more I grew to dislike her... the more she seemed to get attached to me... and it was hard to tell her because it really wasn't something she actually did... and it ended up being ugly... and far more painful than it needed to be because I was trying to find a way to spare her the pain... and the oipposite actually happened.

WhipperSnapper · Jun 22, 2013, 02:42 PM

Originally Posted by smoothy

I'm with Talaniman....the new meat excitement (lust) has worn off for him and it hasn't been replaced by love....soimething thats really not uncommon. Sometimes its her, sometimes its him....sometimes its both.....

But its an awkward position to be in before the disaffected party finally decides to speak up.....And its worse with the other party is enamoured with you. Because you know they are going to be hurt when you tell them.....which leads to long awkward periods befor eit usually comes out.

Been there before.....the more I grew to dislike her...the more she seemed to get attached to me.... and it was hard to tell her because it really wasn't something she actually did....and it ended up being ugly...and far more painful than it needed to be because I was trying to find a way to spare her the pain...and the oipposite actually happened.

Thank you both for those answers. I suppose this means the end of our relationship, I think I have prepared myself for it so that is okay. I agree with what you have both said, I think the excitement has definitely worn off. It's a shame because I enjoy every second I spend with him, but if he doesn't feel the same then it won't work, and that's okay, maybe we will find other people who will make us happy. I really appreciate these honest answers from you both :)

smoothy · Jun 22, 2013, 06:00 PM

Originally Posted by WhipperSnapper

Thank you both for those answers. I suppose this means the end of our relationship, I think I have prepared myself for it so that is okay. I agree with what you have both said, I think the excitement has definitely worn off. It's a shame because I enjoy every second I spend with him, but if he doesn't feel the same then it won't work, and that's okay, maybe we will find other people who will make us happy. I really appreciate these honest answers from you both :)

You are welcome... its one of those things everyone goes through... most everyone anyway.

You have to have a few of these to know when you do find a really good match.

If its going to happen... its usually going to happen in the first 2 or 3 years. That's why I tell everyone to wait at least 3 year to marry... that lust stage lasts longer for some than it does for others... you need to get way past that to see if love grows for both of you.

It always does taper off in the first year... but to give you an example... I've been married for 22 years now... we still do it 5-7 days a week.

Robert Brenner · Jun 22, 2013, 06:21 PM

Have you expressed yourself to him as you have here?

WhipperSnapper · Jun 23, 2013, 06:48 AM

Originally Posted by Robert Brenner

Have you expressed yourself to him as you have here?

No, we rarely talk to each other about how we feel, even if I am trying to be serious with how feel, he dismisses it as cheesiness :/ I would like to tell him, but I am in fear of what he will say to me. I have got to get the courage to bring it up really.

Originally Posted by smoothy

You are welcome....its one of those things everyone goes through....most everyone anyway.

You have to have a few of these to know when you do find a really good match.

If its going to happen...its usually going to happen in the first 2 or 3 years. That's why I tell everyone to wait at least 3 year to marry....that lust stage lasts longer for some than it does for others....you need to get way past that to see if love grows for both of you.

It always does taper off in the first year....but to give you an example...I've been married for 22 years now...we still do it 5-7 days a week.

The thing is I feel like we are a really good match, and he says that we are too. We get on so well and barely argue with each other, we do fun stuff and geek out and things, but when it comes to intimacy and affection, he isn't interested. He was the one who pursued me right from the start, he put in so much effort to get to know me which was very flattering, but it feels as if he has preferred the chase to the catch so to speak. Thank you for that advice though, I think I would rather it be over now, than wait another 2 years as I feel it will be much harder. I will have to talk to him and see whether he wants to try and make it work in that way. Wow, I'm glad to hear that, shows that there can be hope for us all :) Thank you.

talaniman · Jun 23, 2013, 08:05 AM

A lack of honest communication is obvious, but why is that really? What are you so afraid of that cannot be overcome?

WhipperSnapper · Jun 23, 2013, 10:24 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

A lack of honest communication is obvious, but why is that really? What are you so afraid of that cannot be overcome?

I'm not sure why it is with him, he's been hurt before, as have I yet I understand he isn't the same as my ex boyfriend, and nor am I the same as his ex girlfriend. Maybe he's afraid of his own feelings, and so he is ignoring them, but I cannot accept that, I genuinely think he doesn't have any feelings for me.

I'm scared to talk to him about this because I don't want to lose him, I think he wouldn't react very well if I shared with him about my true feelings for him, and that scares me.

Robert Brenner · Jun 23, 2013, 10:50 AM

Whipper, Think about it. You are scared to tell him in fear of losing him? Is that how you want to live? " What if " He is afraid to tell you because he's afraid of losing you? WHAT IF ?

talaniman · Jun 23, 2013, 10:51 AM

Its not healthy to be afraid to face your own fear and let the chips fall where they will. Despite your fear, from wherever it comes from, you still have to be willing to do the right thing for yourself. This relationship cannot survive and thrive without honest communications.

At least be honest with yourself.

WhipperSnapper · Jun 24, 2013, 02:24 AM

Originally Posted by Robert Brenner

Whipper, Think about it. You are scared to tell him in fear of losing him? Is that how you want to live? " What if " He is afraid to tell you because he's afraid of losing you? WHAT IF ?

My gut feeling is that he doesn't feel the same. But you do have a point, it's just hard for me to see that I think. I've got to find the right time to talk to him about it.

Originally Posted by talaniman

Its not healthy to be afraid to face your own fear and let the chips fall where they will. Despite your fear, from wherever it comes from, you still have to be willing to do the right thing for yourself. This relationship cannot survive and thrive without honest communications.

At least be honest with yourself.

Thank you, I see exactly what you mean. It is better to be honest with him than carry on being unhappy in the relationship, I think it will either be a make or break situation between us.

Handyman2007 · Jul 3, 2013, 08:14 PM

Quality is better than quanity at some point in your lives. You are both under some stress and the "newness" has worn out. Geez, one a week is not bad for anyone. As long as it's special and not just routine. You have to talk about it if it is an issue with him and not talk to strangers about it.

WhipperSnapper · Jul 4, 2013, 12:48 PM

Originally Posted by Handyman2007

Quality is better than quanity at some point in your lives. You are both under some stress and the "newness" has worn out. Geez, one a week is not bad for anyone. As long as it's special and not just routine. You have to talk about it if it is an issue with him and not talk to strangers about it.

If you have an issue with me asking 'strangers' for advice on what to do then why reply at all, just leave it, surely?

Perhaps you are right, one a week isn't bad at all. I was just a little confused about it, I have never been in this situation before and I didn't know how to handle it and I didn't know whether I should be worried or not. I don't understand what your problem is, this site has been really helpful to me over this and I am really grateful for some of the answers/opinions/advice that have been shared.

N0help4u · Jul 4, 2013, 01:41 PM

You do need to talk to him. It is normal for the sex to get less the more comfortable a guy gets with you. Either you dismiss the lack of sex and get a good relationship going with him or you tell him this relationship is going nowhere because your lack of taking me serious so I am out of here.

WhipperSnapper · Jul 4, 2013, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

You do need to talk to him. It is normal for the sex to get less the more comfortable a guy gets with you. Either you dismiss the lack of sex and get a good relationship going with him or you tell him this relationship is going nowhere because your lack of taking me serious so I am outta here.

Thank you! I'm just a bit shocked that it's happened so quickly I suppose. I do still need to talk to him.

smoothy · Jul 4, 2013, 06:16 PM

Originally Posted by WhipperSnapper

No, we rarely talk to each other about how we feel, even if I am trying to be serious with how feel, he dismisses it as cheesiness :/ I would like to tell him, but I am in fear of what he will say to me. I have got to get the courage to bring it up really.

The thing is I feel like we are a really good match, and he says that we are too. We get on so well and barely argue with each other, we do fun stuff and geek out and things, but when it comes to intimacy and affection, he isn't interested. He was the one who pursued me right from the start, he put in so much effort to get to know me which was very flattering, but it feels as if he has preferred the chase to the catch so to speak. Thank you for that advice though, I think I would rather it be over now, than wait another 2 years as I feel it will be much harder. I will have to talk to him and see whether he wants to try and make it work in that way. Wow, I'm glad to hear that, shows that there can be hope for us all :) Thank you.

You've been together for only six months... neither of you can possibly know the match is good yet... and you can't because of lust and new person excitement... thats going to wear off and THEN you will finally get to know if the match is good or not... its easy to go a few months or even a year or two if its not... but more than a couple years is going to be torture if its not. There is also the age factor... neither of you have had enough relationships to really be able to judge what is good... you need a bigger sample of what's possible. Otherwise mediocre will seem great if that's the best you've had. Took me until almost 27 and a few dozen relationships before I knew when I found something really special.

Trust me... this is something everyone learns... it just takes some people a lot longer... if you are lucky.. you learn it before kids are involved.