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Val_54 · Jun 9, 2013, 10:23 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Would you let your bf chat with a female that is sexually attracted to him? Of course not, and his gf probably doesn't want him chatting with you. Can he tell you that? Hell NO!

You seem to be stuck on one aspect of this and ignore the obvious since his gf would kick his butt for chatting with a female on line, and you have swallowed his excuse for 4 years. Don't believe me? Read some of the similar posts here about the social network and its affects on real relationships.

I wouldn't think for a minute she knows I exist let alone know her boyfriend is sexually attracted to me ! Again the point is being missed! I accepted a long time ago that we would only be friends unless he changed his mind about meeting me. We are good friends & I didn't want to lose that because he has a girlfriend but it seems that he cannot keep out friendship platonic so he had to stop! It's just a shame we have to lose our friendship because he has a girlfriend that's all I'm saying!

talaniman · Jun 9, 2013, 10:40 AM

A shame for sure, but happens often. Reality gets in the way of friends and lovers alike.

Val_54 · Jun 28, 2013, 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

A shame for sure, but happens often. Reality gets in the way of friends and lovers alike.

He has contacted me again last Sunday and was happy to chat with no apparent guilt. There definitely seems to be something which keeps him coming back.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 28, 2013, 10:42 AM

As long as you let him he will.

joypulv · Jun 28, 2013, 10:47 AM

Do I get an award? I have developed a sudden fondness for Haagen Dazs Cappuccinno Gelato.

I want to add a clunker to the Five Reasons I Thought He'd be Back, since you seemed most interested in why he likes you. I am sure you are likable. But you are also a cheap date. Whether that is way secondary to liking you because you are likable or whether it's competing with the main reason, only he knows.

talaniman · Jun 28, 2013, 10:49 AM

Originally Posted by Val_54

He has contacted me again last Sunday and was happy to chat with no apparent guilt. There definitely seems to be something which keeps him coming back.

That's doesn't make allowing it the right thing to do, given its behind his girlfriends back, just friends, or NOT!!

N0help4u · Jun 28, 2013, 02:13 PM

This guy has got a life now and trying to politely tell you to move on.
It doesn't mean he won't have fond memories of you. His life is full now and its not right to expect him to spend time he should/could be spending with his girlfriend. For him to keep contacting you, he is sending mixed signals and only trying to cushion the hurt of missing you. You are only going to get hurt in the end when he is finally weaned off you. I suspect he is only contacting you when she is not around and he hasn't told her much if anything about you. He is not thinking of your hurt contacting you, he is merely trying to wean his hurt.

Val_54 · Jun 28, 2013, 10:50 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

As long as you let him he will.

If I'm on line on Skype and he contacts me, then what do I do ignor him?

Originally Posted by talaniman

That's doesn't make allowing it the right thing to do, given its behind his girlfriends back, just friends, or NOT!!!!!!!!!!!

Surely its down to him, if he feels he wants to talk to me then I don't feel I'm doing anything wrong by talking to him?

Originally Posted by N0help4u

This guy has got a life now and trying to politely tell you to move on.
It doesn't mean he won't have fond memories of you. His life is full now and its not right to expect him to spend time he should/could be spending with his girlfriend. For him to keep contacting you, he is sending mixed signals and only trying to cushion the hurt of missing you. You are only going to get hurt in the end when he is finally weaned off you. I suspect he is only contacting you when she is not around and he hasn't told her much if anything about you. He is not thinking of your hurt contacting you, he is merely trying to wean his hurt.

I'm not sure his life is full, I believe and have said this to him, if he was feeling fulfilled with his relationship, then he would talk to me as a friend and not as a lover in my opinion as if it was me that's what I would do. I sent him an email before this last conversation to say how I felt etc and that I need to move on and wished him luck. I thought that was the end of it, and was very surprised when he contacted me again. I log into skype to talk to a friend of mine and he logged on and messaged me, I certainly would NEVER of contacted him!

Originally Posted by joypulv

Do I get an award? I have developed a sudden fondness for Haagen Dazs Cappuccinno Gelato.

I want to add a clunker to the Five Reasons Why I Thought He'd be Back, since you seemed most interested in why he likes you. I am sure you are likable. But you are also a cheap date. Whether that is way secondary to liking you because you are likable or whether it's competing with the main reason, only he knows.

he

We have been friends for a long time, maybe he cannot let go?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 28, 2013, 11:32 PM

Yes, if this was a real life boyfriend of yours, and he had a girl, who things he is sexually attracted to her, and she has an attraction to him, would you want him on the internet skye with her. ** of course not, is she going to be sitting next to him, while you chat, Is the chat all PG so she can read it all.

But it is obvious that there is more desire, than being discussed, and I can see it getting in the way.

But yes, the date is over with him, time to break it off, so he can move on with his life

Val_54 · Jun 29, 2013, 04:26 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

yes, if this was a real life boyfriend of yours, and he had a girl, who things he is sexually attracted to her, and she has an attraction to him, would you want him on the internet skye with her. ** of course not, is she going to be sitting next to him, while you chat, Is the chat all PG so she can read it all.

But it is obvious that there is more desire, than being discussed, and I can see it getting in the way.

but yes, the date is over with him, time to break it off, so he can move on with his life

I hear what you are saying, but I don't believe I am doing anything wrong. I have known him for 4 years and have often chatted on line for all this time. He says he feels guilty when he talks to me in a sexual way & tells me he will have to stop chatting to me, so surely its down to him not too? I don't encourage him. I emailed him to say I need to move on, etc so what happens, the very next time he see's me on line he messages me and carries on talking in this way and no mention of him feeling guilty this time or saying he will have to stop, but did say maybe he should leave me alone so I can move on! I wouldn't message him now because of all he has said, so why doesn't he stick to what he says! This actually happened once before, not long after we first started chatting , when he told me he didn't want a long distance relationship I was prepared to leave it at that, he didn't want to, so carried on a bit longer, till I said I would have to stop as I was starting to have strong feelings for him. He said he understood & that he would miss me. The very next time I went on line to chat to a friend of mine, he's messaging me again saying he thought I had gone! I am trying to move on but he won't let me!

joypulv · Jun 29, 2013, 06:56 AM

You won't let each other go. Yes, he's the instigator, and you are the instigatee.
SIGH
Might as well keep going as long as neither of you has any illusions.
It's all pretty much an illusion anyway. Maybe it's what you both want.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 29, 2013, 07:10 AM

Originally Posted by Val_54

I hear what you are saying, but I don't believe I am doing anything wrong. I have known him for 4 years and have often chatted on line for all this time. He says he feels guilty when he talks to me in a sexual way & tells me he will have to stop chatting to me, so surely its down to him not too? I don't encourage him. I emailed him to say I need to move on, etc so what happens, the very next time he see's me on line he messages me and carries on talking in this way and no mention of him feeling guilty this time or saying he will have to stop, but did say maybe he should leave me alone so I can move on! I wouldn't message him now because of all he has said, so why doesn't he stick to what he says! This actually happened once before, not long after we first started chatting , when he told me he didn't want a long distance relationship I was prepared to leave it at that, he didn't want to, so carried on a bit longer, till I said I would have to stop as I was starting to have strong feelings for him. He said he understood & that he would miss me. The very next time I went on line to chat to a friend of mine, he's messaging me again saying he thought I had gone! I am trying to move on but he wont let me!

He won't let you? You don't want too. You will ignore him until he gets the message if you really want to let go. He keeps coming back because he knows you will be there and he will work his way back in, even if he is cheating on someone. He is not being fair to either of you. Stop responding to him.

talaniman · Jun 29, 2013, 11:16 AM

This is a lot of drama for an on line never met relationship.

Val_54 · Jun 29, 2013, 01:01 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

He won't let you? You don't want too. You will ignore him until he gets the message if you really want to let go. He keeps coming back because he knows you will be there and he will work his way back in, even if he is cheating on someone. He is not being fair to either of you. Stop responding to him.

That' a hard thing to do when you have been friends for such a long time, I miss him and would be easier for me if he just stopped contacting me!

Originally Posted by talaniman

This is a lot of drama for an on line never met relationship.

It is but I guessed we just clicked from the start and maybe its hard for both of us to let go :-(

Alty · Jun 29, 2013, 01:13 PM

I am trying to move on but he won't let me!

You really have to stop kidding yourself. You have to stop making it sound like it's all him, that you have no culpability.

If you were really ready to move on you would have deleted him from skype, or blocked him. You would have deleted any way for him to contact you. You didn't. Not only did you not delete or block him, you responded when he messaged you.

I'm not saying that he's not a jerk for continuing to message you when you've told him that you started having feelings for him, and wanted to move on now that he has a girlfriend. But, you had the power to stop the contact, and you didn't.

Val_54 · Jun 29, 2013, 02:52 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

You really have to stop kidding yourself. You have to stop making it sound like it's all him, that you have no culpability.

If you were really ready to move on you would have deleted him from skype, or blocked him. You would have deleted any way for him to contact you. You didn't. Not only did you not delete or block him, you responded when he messaged you.

I'm not saying that he's not a jerk for continuing to message you when you've told him that you started having feelings for him, and wanted to move on now that he has a girlfriend. But, you had the power to stop the contact, and you didn't.

The reason I didn't delete or block him was because, I was happy to stay friends, and keep it as friends with no sex talk etc, but he doesn't seem to be able to do that. I value him as friend and can confide in him about anything, that is hard to give up. He never deleted me either even though he told me he had deleted most of his other contacts. Deep down we care about each other and I guess neither of us wants to lose contact completely.

Handyman2007 · Jun 29, 2013, 03:03 PM

You really need to let this go. You are driving yourself crazy. There are millions of people in the world you can make friends with. This guy has a moral attitude that will not allow him to comfortably be friends now that he has a girlfriend. Accept that.

talaniman · Jun 29, 2013, 03:56 PM

And you really see this as a healthy thing to spend your time with? Unbelievable.

Val_54 · Jun 29, 2013, 11:36 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

You won't let each other go. Yes, he's the instigator, and you are the instigatee.
SIGH
Might as well keep going as long as neither of you has any illusions.
It's all pretty much an illusion anyway. Maybe it's what you both want.

No, it not what I want and it never has been. He can be quite confusing sometimes, even a little contradictory, saying one thing and then something else another time. Trying to get straight answers from him is difficult - on reflection of our last conversation he has answered a few of those without having to ask, so I think I now know what it's all been about.

Val_54 · Jun 29, 2013, 11:44 PM

Originally Posted by Handyman2007

You really need to let this go. You are driving yourself crazy. There are millions of people in the world you can make friends with. This guy has a moral attitude that will not allow him to comfortably be friends now that he has a girlfriend. Accept that.

I do and I am on reflection of our last conversation. I used to drive myself crazy but over the last couple of years I've not let it bother me. All I was trying to do was to understand why he was being like this, and then goes back on everything he said - confusing or what! Does he has a moral attitude though, I don't think he does otherwise he wouldn't have contacted me last Sunday talking like nothing had changed, bad habit he called it! He is a weak man and cannot stick by anything he says!