[triedandtrue84]

So, I don't know what to do. My dad works out of state for long months at a time, most of the year, practically. But he's been doing this type of work for 15+ years, so it's nothing new to my mother. They've been married 22 years now, as old as I am. He's currently been out of state since February.

I just want to say firsthand that I have no definitive proof yet, but I've been trying to find some because something is seriously up with the behavior of my mother the past few months.

She's in a photography group online with other people that live locally, and it seems she's gotten pretty fond of one guy in particular. I know his name and I know he's also married. Their friendship seemed innocent at first, and it may still be, but something is off.

Here's what I've gathered so far and it's quite a bit, so bear with me here:

- A few weeks ago, it was about 1 am. Mom works 5 days a week at 8 am, and she had gone to bed around 9 that night, but I was hearing her talking and laughing to someone close to midnight and ending at about 1:30 in the morning, which I found strange. She had also turned her TV WAY loud and I texted her to please turn it down, since I could hear it through our shared wall, which she didn't do. I texted her more why she was still awake, as a joke, but she never answered. When I approached her about it later that day, she said I must have been hearing things, because she was sleeping, and that she didn't get any of my texts... I didn't think anything of it and figured perhaps she was talking in her sleep and maybe her phone was acting up.

- A week later, I hear her talking again, same time of night. I even put my ear up to the door to verify it was her since her TV volume was cranked up again. It was definitely her voice. I told her about the next morning and she still denied it, saying it was the TV and she was asleep. She can't sleep with the TV on, ever. That's when I realized something was up.

- About five or six days ago, it was about 11 at night, and she was on her desktop, which sits openly in our living area. I walked out of my room, and she was laughing and smiling. I saw on her computer screen a guy she was video chatting with, and when she saw me, she immediately closed out of the window. I asked her who that was, and she said it was no one, then proceeded to ask what I was doing, acting a bit odd.

I think she's realized it's too risky to be talking so late when she knows I'm awake because I stay up pretty late sometimes. So she's been using the chat on her phone more often than usual. She keeps it more glued to her and never out of her sight like she used to. Which leads me to this:

- Yesterday, she left her phone unattended, and to test her reaction, I simply picked it up to listen to whatever song she had currently playing since she's constantly listening to music on it. The screen remained black, but I acted like I was looking at something, so when she saw me, the look on her face was nothing but worry as she struggled to see whether I was looking at anything. I figured she had been on chat with him, because that whole time I was around her, she was glued to her phone.

- Also yesterday, I was on her computer. I realized she's locked out her email, so when you attempt to log in, it'll text her a code to type in to verify it's her. The fact this is on her own computer when everyone else in the house has their own, bugs me. Why does she feel the need to keep it on lockdown? Anyway, I got on the computer initially to begin looking for some photos of our dog who passed away a few weeks ago. Among the photos are all the ones she's taken with her camera, most of them I've already seen by her showing me.
But there was one from about two weeks ago. She had told me she was going to the beach that weekend for a photo walk with her buddies. She did indeed take beach photos, and then I saw a photo of the guy, who she never mentioned was there. It shows a close up of his face, and in his sunglasses, I can see the reflection of my mother in a bikini (which she hasn't worn one in FOREVER due to the fact she never liked how she looked in them. I wonder if something IS going on with the guy, that he gives her more confidence in herself? But I digress)

- Today, and I'm not proud of this one, but I was looking up on her computer a recipe for dinner that I wanted to print out since her computer is the only one with a printer, and I noticed she left her email signed in... So I guiltily took the opportunity to view all of her chats with the guy. Strangely enough, they're all at 12-1:30am, and they're not long, either. One to two lines long at most. They're like little snippets of whole conversations, and it's odd. I'm wondering if she's turned the option on phone chat to turn the chat history off so it doesn't record in her email or if that's really all she's typing. But here's what's really bugging me:

There's one snippet from my mother that says: I told hubby there was an accident on the highway. And tomorrow I'll tell him there was another one. It shouldn't have taken me an hour and ten minutes to get home.

Now I don't know what to think about that one at all. It sounds to me like she is lying to my father because he likes to check in all the time and talk on the phone.

Every night now, she hides away in her room, and when I need to ask her something, I see she's ALWAYS on her phone.

I'd like to think this is all just my imagination and whatever is going on is completely innocent, but it's just not sitting right with me. At all.

What's your advice?

[Oliver2011]

My advice Nancy Drew is stay out of it. It is your parents relationship and it is theirs to deal with. If your mom finds out you have been snooping around it is going to be really stressful in your house. Regardless of what your mom is doing now, it takes 2 people to create the relationship that they have. If it is broken then it is there responsibility to fix it or end it. So stay out.

And I do realize that you have done so much snooping that you probably can't quit now.

[triedandtrue84]

You're absolutely right.

I don't want to mess things up in case my suspicions were completely bang out of order.

I'll back off.

I just really hope she isn't up to anything.
My view toward her would be changed forever.

[tickle]

You stoop so low as to snoop on your mom's computer and then have the audacity to make assumptions about you mom's activities you should be ashamed of yourself, you are an adult. Respect her privacy.

[Wondergirl]

Oliver nailed it! I couldn't have said it any better. And I love the "Nancy Drew" part.

Your immature and disrespectful snooping is going to come back to bite you in the butt one of these days..

[tickle]

You're absolutely right.

I don't want to mess things up in case my suspicions were completely bang out of order.

I'll back off.

I just really hope she isn't up to anything.
My view toward her would be changed forever.

Whatever your mom does, thinks, should never change your opinion of her, or how much you love her

Her love for you would never change.

[triedandtrue84]

Whatever your mom does, thinks, should never change your opinion of her, or how much you love her

Her love for you would never change.

I know it'll never change.

Look, I get what you guys are getting at, and I never said I was proud of doing all of this. I feel awful, trust me. So let it be, my lesson's been learned.

[talaniman]

Its none of your business really and so back off and stop playing snoop. Such actions will really mess up your relationship with your mom no matter what she is doing.

You don't investigate dad do you?

Sorry I posted after you did and am glad you will leave it alone.

[tickle]

Me too, glad you will leave it alone !

In fact I am proud of you for taking all of this on the chin and not getting on our case (as some do because they don't like the answers) for calling you out.

[LearningAsIGo]

I'm glad you've decided to back off. I can tell you, its never a good idea for children to become involved in their parents personal relationship. There are things you'll never know or understand between them.

Your relationship(s) are meant to be mother to daughter and father to daughter. The husband/wife relationship is complicated and private. Whatever transpires between them should not involve you - ESPECIALLY since you are an adult and not a minor child who doesn't have a choice in the matter.

Stay strong and avoid any temptation to snoop in the future. Remember, especially with email, text, etc. it's difficult to determine emotion or mood, so you might think you know something but risk being completely wrong.

[triedandtrue84]

I'm glad you've decided to back off. I can tell you, its never a good idea for children to become involved in their parents personal relationship. There are things you'll never know or understand between them.

Your relationship(s) are meant to be mother to daughter and father to daughter. The husband/wife relationship is complicated and private. Whatever transpires between them should not involve you - ESPECIALLY since you are an adult and not a minor child who doesn't have a choice in the matter.

Stay strong and avoid any temptation to snoop in the future. Remember, especially with email, text, etc. it's difficult to determine emotion or mood, so you might think you know something but risk being completely wrong.

Thank you. At first, all I really thought people were going to do was criticize me and not give me any type of REAL, heartfelt advice, but you changed that.

I'm ashamed of myself, mainly because my mom and I have an awesome relationship. My suspicions and snooping could have completely jeopardized that and I knew it at the time, too, it's just I'm worried. But like I said, I'll completely back off.

Thanks again.

[LearningAsIGo]

Good for you to have a change of heart. Many people here start topics but don't appreciate advice or take the time to re-think their initial gut reactions.

You're displaying a wisdom beyond your years. :)