[logar]

This is hard for me to express since I've told very few but I must get advice on what to do next. I've been married for 11 years. I have a daughter who is 6. My husband cheated on me while I was pregnant and had a long standing relationship with this woman. I found out while I was pregnant and confronted him and this woman. I had complications with my pregnancy but after my child was born my husband took great care of me. I still held some I'll feelings towards him but nevertheless kept pushing forward with my life. MY husband is a nice guy by most accounts. Not very expressing, unemotional, not very loving towards me but is a great dad who works hard. We don't hug, kiss, hold hands etc. When we made love we would go from behind or he'd get on top and go until he was done. I would climax sometimes but the sex was not passionate at all. He was pretty selfish in that regard and I was basically doing this out of obligation and my needs at times. I see couples in public holding each other kissing and having a great time and wondered why my relationship wasn't like that. I'd talk to him and tell him what I like an don't like and what I need from him sexually but it seemed to go in one ear and out the other or he would make the attempt for a moment then go right back to his comfort zone. I am close with his family and have known these people for years since he is my high school sweetheart so to speak. We broke up a few times I've the years but like a magnet I was drawn back to him an here I am still. I have two sisters who are significantly younger than I am. I feel as if I raised them considering my mother speaks very little English. Well, 4 years ago this very attractive guy walks into my office at work. He is stylish and charming but I had no idea what was going to happen since in no way was I even thinking of another man at that time. After about 3 months we would speak in passing but it was always processional. One day this man send me a message telling me that he thinks I am very attractive and wants to get to know me. I advised him I was married and he told me that he knows but just wanted to talk. He comes into my office and he tells me so many stories and he was hurt and contemplating leaving his child's mother who was abusive towards him and he just wanted to vent to someone who was not bias. He was crying so hard because he did not want to break up the home he had with his child. I offered some advice and listened to him and he seemed happy when we stopped talking. Every so often he would drop by and we would talk for hours it seems about his progress and many of topics of our life. I never told him I was unhappy in my marriage but I'm sure he could sense something was going on. One day he sends me a message asking me to go to dinner. At first I was a bit nervous but we had spent so much time talking I figured it would be OK. He tells me that he was so glad I spoke with him and he thanked me for being there for him in his time of need. He then told me that he has always noticed me even before he came to me that one day. Told me 2years ago he thought I was so gorgeous but because I was pregnant and married he knew he had no hope. He remembered moment I didn't and said we were in seminars together an I made him so nervous and he just was trying to impress me then. After dinner I was so engrossed in this man, his smile his mind his charisma that I didn't know which way was up. He asked me for a hug and I hug him on our way to our cars and I felt instantly like this guy had something that was special. I called him after a night out with the ladies and he missed my call. I told him I wanted to stop by his house for a hug. I feel like I was giving myself permission to be with him in a way and I know he took it that way. He spoke to me at work again and asked me about the call and I apologized and told him I think I may have had too much wine. He took it with a grain of salt. Later that week he asks me out again and I obliged. Same scenario we depart going to our vehicles an then it happened. He felt nervous an was shaking and so we I we embraced and kissed each other, long hard and passionate. That was the start of something that ha lasted 4 years. We have spent much time with each other. We have had tremendous, breathtaking love making. We have taken trips to many places and enjoyed every moment. He cooks for me, rubs my back my feet and surprises me with flowers, cloths jewelry the whole shebang. He gives attention listens to me, respects me and tends to my every need. He gave me a key to his place and said you are welcome whenever you want. We have been in love and it feels like a greater love then I have ever experienced in my life. This man literally breaths me and I love it. We get along so well and the spark is so high when are together but the only trouble was that I don't have much time for him due to me still being married. He has told me he does not want to break up my family but he loves me so much that he wants to fill my life with joy and actually accept my daughter as another male figure along with her dad. He has encouraged me to take some time away to figure things out and see if I really want a life with him. I tried to do it twice but it was just too hard to leave him. He actually proposed to me and gave me ring, it was sweet but I was so conflicted because I couldn't be as happy as I wanted for obvious reasons but I accepted because this man had literally swept me off my feet. So the only time we have problems is when I cannot see him. This may go on for a week or so but when we see each other it's as if we never were apart. It has been this whirlwind situation that just has taken over me. I stopped having sex with my husband 3 years ago and stopped sleeping with him in bed about 1years ago. We don't touch and when we do communicate its about our child. Well one of my sister's fell in love with a married man and he left his family for her. The wife was so distraught and her kids just looked so hurt and in pain from it all. I called my sister to talk some sense into her and I just felt like the biggest hypocrite. How could I offer her advice when I am doing what I am doing. So while I was struggling and arguing with my sister I just felt so at odds. My sister stopped talking to me and I told her she was not allowed in my home ever and so on.during this time I struggled and felt really bad like karma was taking over and I was starting to pay for my sinning. The guy would text me and check on me but I'd give him one word answers or ignore him all together. The guilt was unbearable and I just shut everything out. He was hurting and wants to see how I was doing and I just could not get myself to respond to him. During this time which lasted 10 days away from him I kind of felt like I needed to walk away from him and do some soul searching. Not for my husband but for myself to figure things out and see if I really want to stay in my marriage an do the rights things or get out of it as my guy suggested I do before. I am not into my husband he was there for me when when I was hurting over the pain I seen my sister cause but I am nit in love with the man at this point. I do need to figure this all out and see what this whole thing means with my lover or mister-Rees. So I ignored his texts and calls and the he asked me what was going on an why was I so emotionally disconnected from him.. I told him I needed to walk about from us and gain some prospective on this relationship an ask myself the hard questions to see if this is what I want. I told him that I loved him and to take care of himself but I must do this in order for us to have a remote chance at out love. He was extremely emotional and blindsided by it all. I told him I needed to see if I can't go on without him an that I miss him and allow that to be the catalyst to make me do what I should have done long ago. We both cried and kissed and hugged goodbye. Two day later he asks me if I think there is any other way to go about it because he is so hurt and misses me so much and he began offering solutions or suggestions but I told him no and to please respect my decision. My mind has been made up. At this point there has been no contact at all and he has cut me off all together the last 3 days. I miss him so much and I knew this would happen and I would feel this way but I didn't know it would happen so fast. My question is what to do? I love him and I want to see him but the issue between us is still here and I have no idea what to do. I am confused. I love him but I don't want to hurt him or have that cross to bear any longer. I am exhausted from living this double life mentally and physically but I need help on what I should do and the steps I need to take to fix this mess I am in.

[Fr_Chuck]

You keep no contact and it will get better in time, get into professional counseling