[le7]

I have been with my husband for 20 years, he is a lovely person. I have 2 children age 16 & 14. Before I met my husband I dated a guy, I lack confidence & can be shy, the guy was quite popular & never short of female attention. When he was with me he was so kind & I seen a side no one had ever seen. I believed he loved me but it seemed to got to be true. I was young & had been hurt before. I loved him but couldn't fully open up as feared I would get hurt, so I ended it but we remained good friends, I then met my husband was mr safe. I hurt my ex leaving him, I invited him to my wedding evening & he shook my husband hand & said the best guy had won & to look after me. I didn't see him or have contact with him since that night. 17 years later he pops up on a social web site, my heart opened up straight away & the love came flowing back. He had been searching for me for years & has always loved me, I agreed to meet him thinking maybe he needed clousure & the love I felt maybe was just in my head. We met, it was like time had stood still, he is amazing. Over the years I felt my husband took me for granted & now the children are older & don't need me as much I felt sad. I told my husband a few months ago I loved him but not in love with him, he said he would change. A few weeks later I met the other guy, we chatted & I kissed him good bye as I got in my car & drove away my husband pulled up, he had put a tracker on me. My husband will forgive me & will change for me, but I'm in love my ex. My husband is a good guy & a good provider, we have beautiful children & a lovely home & lifestyle. I didn't stop seeing my lover and I want to be with him, my husband has said he cannot live without me if I leave him. My lover has put no pressure on me & will wait for me. This is such a life changing thing to do, has anyone been in my position & what was the out come.

[tickle]

Sure a lot of women have been in your position, don't doubt it. You have to do some soul searching. You know what the rest of your married life will be like; you have a good husband, two children who actually still need you in their teens, that is a given, and security, comfort.

It doesn't matter that you are here asking what to do, or if someone else has been in this spot, the end decision is ultimately up to you and the way I see it is you keeping your marriage in tact, keep your husband happy, and your children too. There is so much unhappiness in what you want to do, not only for you but for three other people in your immediate life.

You say your ex is not pressuring you, well maybe he doesn't want to.

Result if you leave your husband is a divorce, division of property, custody decisions for the two children and you on your own with possibly no one.

[zh11]

That's tough. If you don't have any problems with your husband then why would you leave him other than the fact that he put a tracker on you?? That's a little creepy. Your kids do need you. The teenage years are very hard and they need a good role model and provider to be there for them when they begin making life decisions. I think it would hurt them very bad to have their whole lives torn apart at the ages they are now. If the ex will wait then I say y'all should wait until your children are off in college and if you both still feel the same, then pursue a life together.

[Cat1864]

This may seem harsh but life is not a Romance novel.

You made a mistake all those years ago and have kept it going ever since. Personally, I do not think you gave your husband and marriage a chance. You may not have been talking to the ex all this time, but you didn't let him go.

Now, you are emotionally cheating on your husband even if you aren't physically cheating. Is that what you want?

Frankly, I think you need to be separated from both men. You do not love your husband and children are not a good reason to stay in a failing marriage. He may be able to forgive this once, but I doubt he is really ready to live with the thought of you pining over your lost love or wondering if you are meeting up/communicating with him waiting for 'The Day' you leave.

If you leave, it should be because you are not happy in the marriage and it is not working out. It should not be to move on to the next man. You will need to take time to let the past go. Learn to stand on your own two feet. Go through a divorce and all the mess that comes with it. Your children will go through a period of adjusting and having a waiting-in -the-wings suitor will only complicate that healing process.

You think the ex has stayed the same, but he hasn't and neither have you. You both have 17 years of life, loves, experiences-good and bad, etc. You have children. Does he? You aren't teens so stop acting like one.

Just because your children do not need you as much is not a reason to cheat to fill a void in your life. There are healthier ways such as school, work, volunteering, hobbies, etc.