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Caraphernaliac · Jun 2, 2013, 07:55 AM

Okay, so I had a long distance girlfriend a while back, and we didn't see each other a lot, but we made it work and . However, Recently I decided after a few times that she turned down my invitation to come visit me (My parents know we're together, hers don't, because I'm from a town that has a bad reputation. So they think we're frinds) that I should move on. I don't know, I just really still care about her and so last week, I asked her if she wants to take a last swing at making this work. She said to give her time to think, and I said I can't wait longer than a week. Because it'll be stressful wondering about that stuff during exams. Her week ran out Yesterday and I told her that it was over, and she just said a few things which made me feel like a complete . All my friends think I should leave her but mainly because I give 90% of my attention to her if I'm with her, and friends are scared I won't go partying anymore. What they think doesn't matter to me, I just want to know If I should try making this work out or if I should try moving on.

JudyKayTee · Jun 2, 2013, 07:58 AM

I believe what other people in all personal relationships tell me. If she says she needs time or it's over, either one, I'd believe her.

She is lying to her parents about your relationship because your whole town has a bad reputation? Sounds like a very bad, deceptive start, to a relationship.

Caraphernaliac · Jun 3, 2013, 08:44 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I believe what other people in all personal relationships tell me. If she says she needs time or it's over, either one, I'd believe her.

She is lying to her parents about your relationship because your whole town has a bad reputation? Sounds like a very bad, deceptive start, to a relationship.

It's not really that part that bothers me as much, I mean I can understand seeing as 90% of 16 - 18 year old girls here are either pregnant or already have kids. She did tell her parents where I live seeing as she came to visit me, and they wanted to know. The problem is that I'm not sure whether I want her gone or not. She was basically the only girl I've ever felt anything for, and I've been through an odd 70 girlfriends during my life. She was the only one I ever cared about. So I basically need to know if she's the one and if I should try making it work, or if I should try forgetting her? (Which I already have tried and failed miserably at.)

Oliver2011 · Jun 3, 2013, 09:37 AM

So you had 70 girlfriends that you never cared about?

Long distance relationships are difficult for many reasons and under the best circumstances. You have a lot of negatives to that long distance relationship. If both of you are not committed 100%, it won't work out and you will have wasted time and energy. You can't be committed 180% to her 20%.

talaniman · Jun 3, 2013, 10:33 AM

Forget her, maybe girl 71 is the ONE! Maybe not. For sure she doesn't want to be the one.

JudyKayTee · Jun 3, 2013, 11:00 AM

You refer to exams - either high school or college - and 70 relationships with girls you didn't care about. This one, you don't know.

Move on.

Caraphernaliac · Jun 9, 2013, 07:42 AM

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

So you had 70 girlfriends that you never cared about?

Long distance relationships are difficult for many reasons and under the best circumstances. You have a lot of negatives to that long distance relationship. If both of you are not committed 100%, it won't work out and you will have wasted time and energy. You can't be committed 180% to her 20%.

If I could forget her, I would. I've been trying for ages and no matter what, I always end up adding her number again just to stare at her profile. If I could get as far as forgetting her number it would go better. If forgetting her was easy, she would be forgotten.

JudyKayTee · Jun 9, 2013, 07:44 AM

Your question was whether to move on. The overwhelming answer was yes.

No contact is the only way - and that includes not looking at her photo.

No one here has a means of erasing memories so the best thing you can do is stay busy.

And most of us have had to forget someone at some point or another.

Caraphernaliac · Jun 9, 2013, 07:48 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You refer to exams - either high school or college - and 70 relationships with girls you didn't care about. This one, you don't know.

Move on.

I'm in matric now, but also studying for my licenses on my car and bike. Lol, I'm bad when studyings involved. But I did care about the other girls. I just didn't really care about them to the extent where I missed them after the relationship ended. I know I'm young and people say young people aren't ready for these things but I still think that I know enough to get by relationships. I also find it ironic that all my past relationships were with girls who I saw regularly, and I didn't worry about them that much, but a girl who lives far from me can get me this attached.

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Your question was whether to move on. The overwhelming answer was yes.

No contact is the only way - and that includes not looking at her photo.

No one here has a means of erasing memories so the best thing you can do is stay busy.

And most of us have had to forget someone at some point or another.

That's the problem with me. I can't stay busy. When I have half a second to myself I'm looking at her profile again. I feel like I'd be better off without her but I just wish it was easier to shut her out of my life.

talaniman · Jun 9, 2013, 07:51 AM

And how is that staring at her photos working for you? You cannot forget something you are staring at and allowing your thoughts to wander as you stare.

When she enters your thoughts actually get up and do something else that's positive and productive and stop being your own obstacle for your own good. Noit not easy but requires work on your part in your own behalf.

Stop saying what you Can't do, and focus on what you can.

Oliver2011 · Jun 10, 2013, 05:14 AM

Originally Posted by Caraphernaliac

If I could forget her, I would. I've been trying for ages and no matter what, I always end up adding her number again just to stare at her profile. If I could get as far as forgetting her number it would go better. If forgetting her was easy, she would be forgotten.

That is fine as long as you understand that adding her number back in and continuing to talk to her are choices you make. And those choices are adding the stress into your life. So you are in total control of this. Cutting ties would end it but you choose not to.

Breaking up hurts but the pain goes away. We have all been there and we have all survived.